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OMG BABY T1GERS!!

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The zoo and the Inquirer have slide shows.

Kira & Cubs [Philadelphia Zoo]
Tiger Cubs at Zoo [Inquirer]

Starting The Weekend With A Bang

Photo from the Philadelphia Zoo:

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I tried a bunch of variations on the caption here, but I think the direct option is best: May your weekend be full of fucking. Nice and slow fucking.

4th of July in Philadelphia [Flickr] Thanks, Enrico

New Jaguar Cub’s A Regular Marvin, Herbert Or Kaa-Iya

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The Philadelphia Zoo is currently holding a contest to select the name of the jaguar cub. The zoo recently put the jaguar cub on display at its new exhibit, Big Cat Falls. Here’s how the report on the event begins in the Daily News:

If you were a jaguar cub, just what would you like to be called? Certainly not Marvin, or Herbert.

Yes, you certainly wouldn’t want to be called Marvin or Herbert. You’d want to be called Cosijo, Kaa-Iya, Baru or Kon, the four names you can vote on at the zoo’s website.

Help The Zoo Name Our New Jaguar Cub! [Philadelphia Zoo]
Zoo holding a contest to name young jaguar [Daily News]

No more elephun at the zoo for one woman

022306elephant.jpg The most specific activist group ever, Friends of Philly Zoo Elephants, has been protesting the zoo off and on since Dulary, the zoo’s Asian elephant, was injured (naturally, by one of those bully African elephants). They want the elephants shipped to a sanctuary.

Fair enough. The Zoo, however, is so worried about the group that they’ve been monitoring chat rooms for several months to keep tabs on them. (Perhaps they got tips from the Bush administration.)

And, of course, the zoo read the group’s leader, attorney Marianne Bessey, wrote that zoo director Pete Hoskins will have “nightmares every night until you die, which should be very soon.” And now she’s banned from the premises. This is odd, because if you were to actually believe Bessey was serious — which, uhm, it seems 100 percent likely she’s not — you’d want to ban her from Hoskins’ bedroom, since it seems like she’d kill him in his sleep.

Bessey, though, in her best lawyerly argument, comes up with an excuse for the lame comment:

In making the remarks about Hoskins’ demise, Bessey said she had not been threatening him but simply calculating what Hoskins’ “life expectancy” would be in sub-Saharan Africa, homeland of three of the zoo’s four elephants. That would be 51, she said, adding, “You have outlived your life expectancy by some 10 years.”

This is what’s known as the “Life Expectancy in sub-Saharan Africa Defense,” which has not once been believed by a listener since it was invented in 1867. I’m not quite sure why it keeps getting used.

Zoo banishes elephant activist over Web posting [DN]
Photo by Thomas Sly

Quickies: To be fair, it’s the best coffee shop run by an Internet bank in America

• The New York Times on going to Philadelphia: get your coffee and wifi at the ING Direct Cafe, dawg! And open an Orange Savings Account! [NYT]

• Craig LaBan recaps his year: Nothing got four bells — whatever that means — and only one restaurant (Haru) was bad enough to not get any recommendation at all. Oh, snap. Better keep extra disguises when you’re around 3rd and Chestnut, Craig. [Inky]

• New Action News sports anchor Jamie Apody is a a second-degree black belt in karate. This kitten’s got claws! How long until 6 ABC has her do some headache-inducing “Challenge our anchor to a sport!” gimmick? I give it two weeks. [DN]

• And — it’s in the middle of this story, so you gotta read — but one little documentary makes a woman sign the “Free the Elephants” petition. A whopping 100 signed, which means about .015% (note: figure made up) of the people in the gallery care about elephants. Eh: As long as the zoo keeps those red pandas, I’m down. [Inky]

• Hey, how about this one? La Salle’s basketball team is 6-0 after a four overtime win against Central Connecticut State. And nobody arrested! Nobody! Whoo! [DN]