McCain, Candidate Of The Teenyboppers

Who is the celebrity candidate with all the adoring fans? Stop before you say Barack Obama. Some of McCain’s adoring fans lined up in York like it was 1999 and McCain was N’Sync.

First in line this morning were Beckie Rineholt of Jackson Township and Emily Saare of Red Lion, who said they woke at 4 a.m. to get good seats.

“We’re both supporters of McCain and we wanted to see him in person,” Rineholt said.

Both are 17 and will be voting in November for the first time.

(I’ll leave you to go find their Myspace photos; I deleted my account last week.)

Yes, that’s ol’ John McCain, attracting the teenyboppers from all parts of York County. Reinholt, the story notes, “said she thinks he is the candidate more likely to keep taxes down.” Exactly what taxes for jobs 18-year-olds have will John McCain be lowering in the near future?

Supporters arrive early to greet McCain [York Dispatch]

York Impalee In Stable Condition; Papa Roach’s Career Critical

Let’s take a moment to look back in on our friend from the Papa Roach concert in York. As you may remember, 19-year-old Aaron Fry was attempting to jump over a fence to get to the concert; unfortunately, he missed and impaled himself on said fence.

This sounds rather not serious, but firefighters had to cut him off fence with four feet of fence still attached to his leg in order to get him to surgery. (He’s currently in stable condition.) And apparently his unfortunate incident was the talk of the fairgrounds the following day, meaning that accidental impalings are more interesting than pig races or the world’s largest kumquat.

Neither the cops nor the fair owners want to press charges against the kid, who despite attempting to sneak into the fair had a ticket to it. He and his friends just wanted to take a shortcut to save themselves from walking one block to the nearest entrance. Apparently the firefighters did an excellent job, especially since they had never really encountered a dude with a giant fence in his leg before.

“We’ve all been young and done foolish things,” [York Fair VP Gene] Schenck said Thursday. “The irony is there are easier fences around the fairgrounds to jump.” That’s not ironic, it’s just coincidental. (Or stupid.) I think.

No need for man to jump [York Daily Record]
Archives: Dude In York Impales Self For Papa Roach

Screw This, Let’s All Move To York

Okay, while Philadelphia may lead in murder-related categories, York sure has a ton of disgusting/interesting news! Yesterday, there was a man impaled attempting to get to the Papa Roach show. This was at the county fair, which also featured a woman soliciting girls around the age of 11 for exotic dancing! (She was wearing a polka-dotted dress, if you see her.)

Philadelphians are so weird we might have that too. But do we have long-winded comparisons of American Idol’s Chris Daughtry and the guy from Live?

Turns out Chris Daughtry and his band, cleverly named Daughtry with a debut album titled Daughtry, played the Chevy Rock & Roll 400, which is in RIchmond. If you want to know how different York is from Philadelphia, just realize that people from York head to Richmond for entertainment.

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Dude In York Impales Himself For Papa Roach

A man who already had a ticket to the show attempting to scale a fence to get into the York Fair managed to impale himself 12 feet in the air.

According to the date, this happened Thursday night, which is, uh, today, so I’m going to assume the funnier option and say it happened Tuesday at the ” Bad Boys of Rock” show, which included performances by Hinter, Papa Roach and Buckcherry (”I love the cocaine”) and oh my God I can’t believe all these bands are playing county fairs or even still playing at all.

The man’s friends had made it to the other side, and then it was his turn, Schenck said. But instead of jumping down on the other side, one of the fence spikes pierced his leg, pinning him 12 feet above the ground.

Fun fact: If that ever happens to you, don’t pull yourself off, because that will probably make it worse. Also, the guy apparently fell 12 feet with four feet of fence in his leg.

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Slow News Day In York Much Slower Than Here

Be glad you at least have golf course strippers and cheesesteak joint controversies to keep you cool until things pick up in the fall. Here’s the lead story in the York Daily Record, notable for being the York paper that didn’t reject me for a job.

I can’t wait ’til to see what they do for the 20th anniversary of The Silence of the Lambs in 2011. “Can you eat a census taker? You could win a free DVD!”

York Daily Record

Philly’s Air Quality Lacking, But Thank Your Lucky Stars You Don’t Live In Lancaster!

The American Lung Association released its annual list of the nation’s most polluted cities earlier this week, and to no surprise Philadelphia is on the list.

After all, it’s a big city, our giant green Comcast Center isn’t finished and the currently mayoral candidates are the ones interested in environmental issues, not the current mayor.

What is kind of surprising is that Philadelphia only 24th, which (I suppose) isn’t so bad, considering York-Hanover-Gettysburg took 14th place and that bastion of pollution, Lancaster, was the 11th most polluted area in the country. (This is all in the “Most Polluted by Year-Round Particle Pollution” list.)

Lancaster, of course, is passing the buck on to the rest of the nation:

Lancaster County gets particle pollution from the Baltimore/Washington, D.C.-area and power plants operating in western Pennsylvania and as far west as the Mississippi River.

Wah wah wah. Hey, start cleaning up after those Amish and maybe then you can complain about other cities.

Update: Breathe easy, city residents! Or, rather, don’t. Philadelphia is still the second-worst city to live in if you have asthma.

York’s air ranked among the worst [AP/York Dispatch]
County air gets poor ranking from Lung Association [Lancaster New Era]
People at Risk In 25 U.S. Cities Most Polluted by Year-Round Particle Pollution [ALA]

York Co. Man Commits Greatest Crime Ever, Charged With Conspiracy To Commit Greatest Crime Ever

A man from Stewartstown, York County, Pennsylvania, population 1,752, has been charged with theft, hindering apprehension of a suspect and conspiracy for allegedly beheading a statue of Ronald McDonald.

Wait, this dude destroyed a Ronald McDonald statue. That creepy one where he’s sitting on a bench or whatever. Shouldn’t we be hailing him as a national hero instead of charging him with conspiracy to defile a statue? And if somebody from Adbusters hasn’t started a defense fund for the 22-year-old alleged statue defiler already, I’m expecting it.

Jason Anthony Nocar, of Hopewell Township, allegedly decided to kidnap Ronald McDonald (in statue form) from the yard of a man who has had the statue for years and apparently kept it in the yard to frighten neighbors and advertise hamburgers. Nocar allegedly stole the 300-pound statue. The owner, Joy Greiger, found the decapitated head of Ronald about two weeks later with his eyes crossed out.

Police are, naturally, looking for a second suspect, since it’s unusual for random dudes to be able to lift 300 pound ceramic statues. (They should totally make this a contest in one of those toughman competitions.) Owner Grieger, though, isn’t going to replace the statue:

Thomas Grieger, Joy Grieger’s husband, said Sunday he’s glad an arrest has been made. But he’s not looking to get a new statue.

He’s been told McDonald’s does not make sitting, concrete Ronald McDonald statues anymore. The company hasn’t for more nearly 30 years, he said, so the statue is irreplaceable.

Even if he could get another one, he said he doubts he would.

“It’s like you have a neat old car, and it gets wrecked,” Thomas Grieger said. “You don’t go out and get a new one. You move on.”

That loud exhale you just heard were Grieger’s neighbors breathing a collective sigh of relief.

1 nabbed in theft of statue [York Daily Record]

Leftovers: Lucky Numbers

• Not content to wait for casinos, Pennsylvanians threw more money away in the lottery this year than any other year. And, hey, tomorrow’s Powerball is $187 million, so let’s do it some more! [KYW 1060]

• Tomorrow is the grand opening of Macy’s in the former Wanamaker’s/Lord & Taylor building, and the grand opening celebration includes three concerts. The finale? “The grand finale, themed ‘Americana’ and starting at 7:30 p.m., will include a 40-member choir, a six-piece brass ensemble, and indoor fireworks.” Gee, guys, could you do it up a little? [Inquirer]

• A few women in Pittsburgh went up and ordained themselves Roman Catholic priests — or, rather, were ordained by women saying they were Roman Catholic bishops. They probably freaked out your grandmother, too. [Inquirer]

• The York Daily Record byline strike — what, you haven’t been gripped by it? — is over, but management is still holding reporters’ bylines off stories as punishment. Gasp! This is almost as confusing as when the two papers in York swapped owners a few years back. [Editor & Publisher]