Get Rich Quick Via Jesus Scheme Fails

Sometimes when sophomoric news/media sites like mine get bored, I’ll do a post that’s essentially “this thing looks like this thing.” Ha ha, funny. But when certain types of people who are big into Jesus get bored sometimes, they play a game that’s called “this thing looks like Jesus.”

In Bensalem, a furniture maker found an image of Jesus in a fig tree (at right). It also looks like a ghoul, a character in a Tim Burton animated film and, most definitely, that one prisoner at Abu Ghraib.

Oh, it actually looks a lot like that! Maybe Robert Gates ordered some soldiers to go back in time and mess with Jesus. That seems kind of unlikely, though. Maybe God is letting us know that torture is bad? That seems unlikely, too; this is America, after all. This is the country Jesus founded himself!

Craig O’Connor says it definitely looks like Jesus, claiming “an adrenaline rush” when he saw it. But since he forgot to go to the media before trying to sell his Jesus wood on eBay, it only got a top bid of $500. The Virgin Mary in the grilled cheese sandwich got a lot more moolah. Oh, I see: Jesus appears in things so we can get rich! I believe Jesus was big into getting rich, like that time when he said to throw away all your possessions.

Man finds image of biblical proportions [Bucks County Courier Times]

Boardwalk Wood Protesters Have Already Lost It

The city council of Ocean City, New Jersey, voted earlier this year to buy Brazilian ipe wood that was certified Logged Friendly™ (or whatever) because of protests from environmentalists. After doing so, of course, what Ocean City got was lots and lots of protests from environmentalists.

Now Ocean City’s city council wants out of the deal. But, whoops!, they already bought the wood, and the mayor says if they pull out of the deal other vendors will be unable to trust the city and suddenly Mack’s won’t have any flour. So the Brazilian wood is coming in, costing $1.1 million to repair a block-long section of boardwalk. And protesters are ready with their over-the-top similes :

That has protesters like Georgina Shanley vowing to do whatever it takes to stop the plan. “We are considering stopping it physically from coming into Ocean City by standing in the middle of the road like that young man in Tiananmen Square in front of the tank,” she said. “It has to be stopped.”

Ahh, yes, it’s just like that, only without the chances an oppressive government will literally crush you into pieces with a giant tank. And we’ll know who you are, and you’ll be in a mob instead of just one person. Pretty much the same thing as Tiananmen Square, then.

Boardwalk plans set off huge protest [AP/The Courier-Post]