Pedophiles Stealing Your Wireless!

Ohh, no, are pedophiles tapping your wireless? Are rapists stealing your water? Are mobsters watching your television? Are identity thieves putting moths in your closet? Are… dudes… holding giant chainsaws outside of your house searching for wireless somehow? Where are these other stories, Inquirer?

(By the way, I could see this story exploding nationally if AP picks it up. Please, guys, do it!)

Quickies: Sixers Reach .750 Winning Percentage… Against Knicks

• The 76ers beat the Knicks for the second straight game, this time by 19 points. In order to win back fans, the Sixers have started a new marketing slogan: “The 76ers: If we only played the Knicks every game, we’d have 50 wins!” [Daily News]

• You lose, Philly. Macedonia has 95 percent of its terrain wireless, unless this is an April Fool’s Day prank and I didn’t notice. And the kids have free Internet access. In Macedonia. And Philly is just going to be one big Earthlink network. I see. [Financial Times via Blinq]

• New York City has joined Pennsylvania in tax-free shopping on clothes, except theirs has a provision that it’s only when it’s $110 or less. We Pennsylvanians can buy Diesel jeans without having to pay tax muah ha ha ha! Or maybe we do. I’ve never bought a non-used pair. (Ew.) [Gawker]

• A cargo plane crashed at Dover Air Force base, and it’s omigod-like-effing-sawed-in-half but it appears nobody was seriously hurt. Some good news to end this dreary — weather-wise — morning. [AP/Philly.com]