Vampire/Werewolf Hybrid Captured In Pa.

A Pottsville man convinced a 15-year-old girl he was part werewolf and part vampire before sexually assaulting her, police say.

It’s good to know it’s not just Bigfoot who lives in Pennsylvania! The above lead comes from The Morning Call of Allentown, which reports on the arrest of 19-year-old Kristian Carl for statutory sexual assault. The teen also apparently believed he was a werewolf/vampire hybrid (informally a werepire).

Pottsville police Sgt. James Joos said Carl “showed me his canine teeth” to prove he was a vampire. He also noted to The Morning Call: “I let him know that all mammals, including humans, have canine teeth.” The police have doubts that Carl was really a vamp/wolf hybrid (for some reason), but he did apparently know the girl was 15 and he had to wait a year before consummating their relationship.

Carl also believed he had a guardian dragon. That part is true, too, but the dragon is on vacation this month and wasn’t there to stop Sgt. Joos. Carl is also the re-incarnated starting quarterback of the 1925 Pottsville Maroons.

Update: Be sure to check out the comments section, where death is suggested as a valid punishment for a 19-year-old having sex with his 15-year-old girlfriend.

Unearthly assault alleged [Morning Call]
29 Oct 07: Bigfoot Enthusiast Says Photo Is Bigfoot

Werewolf Robs String Of Convience Stores; Dracula, Frankenstein Expected To Embark On Similar Spree

Stop the presses. A werewolf has been robbing convenience stores in Montgomery County. (Sure, NBC 10 says it’s a guy in a “mask,” but I’m pretty sure it’s a werewolf.)

The werewolf has hit three convenience stores with his partner, a man in a hooded sweatshirt. (Probably a zombie.) Both the werewolf and zombie are armed with hunting knives, probably to throw people off, since they don’t really need weapons. (They’re a werewolf and a zombie!) It’s unsure why the werewolf is simply robbing stores instead of slaughtering people, but I suppose he’s a kinder, gentler werewolf.

The werewolf also robbed a pizza delivery man, too, with a female accomplice. (Elvira?) Although police are trying to calm people’s fears by saying it’s a guy in a wolf “mask,” the public is nonetheless scared.

“I can’t pinpoint it but it’s scary,” said Robert Arrison of Lansdale.

You can’t pinpoint it? It’s a werewolf! Terrorizing your town! How clear do I have to make it for you?

Wolf Mask Robber Hits Convenience Stores [NBC 10]