Troops In Danger Of Consuming Fake KFC

The crack morning show team at Fox & Friends reported last week on a KFC now open in Fallujah. For some reason the U.S. military reported on the opening of a branch of the fried chicken chain, instead of some sort of company spokesperson. Anyway, the opening of a fried chicken restaurant in Fallujah meant that Iraqi citizens were no longer killing each other and were doing their killing the American way: To themselves, by clogging their arteries.

Anywho, it turns out the KFC in Fallujah is an unauthorized knockoff, as if you hadn’t already guessed. (Why else would I be writing about it?) TPMMuckraker got this comment from a KFC spokeschicken:

I understand you wanted some details about the store in Falluja that looks like a KFC. This store is not approved by KFC International and we have [been] working with the US Military to warn the troops of this situation.

Yes, please warn the troops immediately! We wouldn’t want them eating chicken not up to the colonel’s usual standards.

I also enjoyed this little bit at the end of the article:

We’ve also called the number of the faux KFC itself, but no one at the restaurant seems to speak English.

Gee, nobody seems to speak English at the bootleg KFC in Fallujah? I think they’re just stonewalling, scared of the muckraking about to take place. Someone will get to the bottom of this.

KFC In Fallujah? Too Finger-Licking Good To Be True [TPMMuckraker]

Daily News Takes Controversial Stance

Gee, thanks, guys. But, heck, we haven’t started a new war in like five years! We’re totally overdue for one; who doesn’t want to go into Iran, or North Korea, or Burma, or Canada…

LET’S REMEMBER TO NOT START ANOTHER WAR [Daily News]

Media Still Reporting On Vince Papale

Fear not, soldiers getting ready to head off to war! Some lawyer and some Jefferson Hospital spokesman are serving you dinner! For some reason, KYW 1060 pairs this like a Wunza movie (e.g. “One’s a cop. One’s a crook. When they get together, hilarity ensues!”):

He’s the president of the Camden County Bar: “When we are at war, whether we like the war or not, we support our troops.”

He was portrayed by Mark Wahlberg in the movie Invincible: “Whether you believe in what we’re doing overseas is right or wrong, you have to believe in these men and women because they’re laying it on the line for us.”

For our soldiers already overseas, we’re doing something even nicer: Sending them Nintendo Wiis. Don’t send them Manhunt 2, though; we don’t want to turn our soldiers into killers.

Ex-Eagle and Local Lawyer to Serve Holiday Dinner to Troops [KYW 1060]
Wii bit of fun for troops [Courier Times]

World War II Vets Too Dead To See Unbuilt Memorial

Back in 2000, people in New Jersey decided there really should be a World War II memorial in the state. The reasoning: If there’s any war we don’t really honor the soldiers from, it’s World War II.

Now it’s 2007, and it still hasn’t been built. This is worrying quite a few people because there’s a chance by the time it’s finished there won’t be any more WW II veterans alive to see the memorial.

The Garden State’s been on a bit of a memorial binge recently, with a Vietnam one opening up in 1995 and a Korea one opening in 2001. While the funding for those projects went smoothly — possibly because there are veterans of those wars not in nursing homes — people just don’t feel the need to honor the greatest generation or whatever. (Fun fact: 1,100 World War II veterans die every day in America. Wait, I guess that’s not fun.)

The state has kicked in $3 million for the memorial, but it’s now going to cost about 80 billion dollars to build and they could really use some money. And whose fault is it that the memorial isn’t done? That’s right.

While the state has allocated $3 million for the project, the commission in charge of the memorial has received only about $200,000 in donations from individuals and organizations, and not one cent from any New Jersey corporation, he said. The latter especially angers [Stephen] Abel, who said many of those corporations made windfall profits from wartime profits.

“It’s been a significant disappointment,” he said.

How dare those corporations make wartime profits and then not remember it like 60 years later. Come on, Standard Oil of New Jersey!

Few, if any, WWII vets to see N.J. memorial [Press of Atlantic City]

U.S. Soon To Be At War With Every Country In World

Ha ha! Good one, Onion! Yeah, as if we’d start another war when we … wait, what? Oh. He did say that. Oh.

Lieberman says strike on Iran is an option [AP/Boston.com]
Lieberman Advocates Attack On Iran [The Onion]

And Counting, Really…

As you may have heard about 48 times already today, May 1 is the first anniversary of President Bush’s “Mission Accomplished” speech. Yes, it was four years ago that we won the Iraq war! Duh!

Anyway, Good Day Philadelphia’s Clayton Morris chimed in this morning on the subject, and as you might have guessed, it’s a beauty:

It’s hard to believe that 4 years ago today President Bush landed on that aircraft carrier announcing “Mission Accomplished.” The war is, of course, a long forgotten memory; but whatever happened to that fantastic banner? Does someone have it? Is it hidden in someone’s closet? Who knows? What do you think should happen to that banner?

1. Put it on display at the George W. Bush Presidential library?

2. Sell it on Ebay?

3. Ask for their money back?

4. Not sure?

Normally I’d just think he’s kidding about the “long forgotten memory” part, but, remember, Fox 29 meteorologist David Aldrich doesn’t believe in global warming.

I’m actually down with item #3, though. I want my $421 billion back!

Happy Mission Accomplished Day [MyFox Philly]
Cost of the War in Iraq [National Priorities]
April 21: Weekend Weather Guy Not Convinced Of Something

American Fighting Men Read American Fighting Books

The American soldier has it tough. Most likely, there are people who hate you wherever you’re stationed. There’s not enough of the right equipment. Oh, and there’s a war going on.

But there is one thing that keeps them upbeat: Comic books. (Or graphic novels, if you wish.) The Courier-Post reports today on a Burlington County comic shop that sells tons of comics to soldiers stationed overseas. It’s hard to get American comic books when you’re not in America. It’s so bad Captain America recently died.

And why do our men and women read so many comics while stationed out of the country?

On a recent day at Ron’s, Spc. Brylan Vanartsdalen, a National Guard recruiter, collected issues of Marvel Comics characters like Wolverine, Spider-Man and The Avengers. He’s been collecting since he was 5 years old and has thousands of comic books at his Lumberton home, he said.

“It’s just the stories, man, it’s reading,” he said. “It gets my mind off things.”

See, it’s simple! To get their mind off of fighting, war and evil, they read books about… ah… fighting, war and evil.

Burlco shop gives overseas troops their comic-book fix [Camden Courier-Post]

South Philly Resident Has Future In American Diplomacy

The word on the street question in this week’s South Philly Review is about the capture of 15 British sailors by Iran.

Although Iran has agreed to release the 15 British sailors and marines who were captured two weeks ago, how do you think Britain should have responded to the situation?

This is (by far) the most American, and therefore best, answer:

Word on the Street [South Philly Review]

New War To Be Just As Successful As Current Wars

While it appears we won’t be seeing World War III start today, it’s still been a while since we’ve started a war, and consarnit, it’s time for another one!

Iraq War vet and U.S. Congressman Patrick Murphy explains:

With several local officials standing at his side, Congressman Patrick Murphy revealed Thursday the beginning of Bucks County’s “war against flooding.”

Judging from how well our wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and on drugs are going, I expect Bucks County to be fully under water by 2009.

Murphy ready to tackle flooding [Bucks County Courier Times]
Tuesday: Bunch: You’re All Gonna Die In A Pointless War!

Right Idea, Wrong Execution

No, you idiots! Body armor! They need body armor!

Haddonfield, NJ Kids Honor Troops With Heroic Pillowcases [KYW 1060]