Not In Your Occupied Country, ‘Scumbag’

Late last year, the Upper Darby police department — and its ubiquitous media whore police superintendent, Michael Chitwood — began selling t-shirts that read “Not in my town SCUMBAG!”

KYW 1060 now reports these shirts are “very popular,” perhaps due to their liberal use of needless quotes. They’re so popular a bunch of soldiers in Iraq are now getting them free, thanks to the Chitwood and Upper Darby police department. A woman from Upper Darby sported the shirt over in the sandbox, and apparently everyone was all into the shirts. (Will they get the “SCUMBAG” bumper stickers too?)

“I think that when you look at the analogy between Iraq and here in Upper Darby, you’re dealing with scumbags, you know. In Upper Darby it’s drug dealers, rapists, robbers but in Iraq, you’ve got terrorists who are killing American troops or killing civilians.”

Hey, this is a pretty good analogy, since the War on Drugs is going about as well as the War in Iraq.

Upper Darby ‘Scumbag T-Shirts’ See Action in Iraq [KYW 1060]
[Photo by Jeff Fusco/PW]

This Is Apparently How We Capture Drug Dealers Now

Earlier this year a Warminster patrolman came across a man urinating on a car. The man, who has not been identified, was on probation and didn’t want to go back to jail so he leaked an alleged dealer’s name.

There’s a ton more BS in the article, a lot of it from Bucks County DA Diane Gibbons, who you may remember from when she defamed an 11-year-old.

34 charged in 7-month drug probe [Bucks County Courier Times]
April 3: Bucks County DA Mad At 11-Year-Old For Stealing Her Lunch Money, Defames 11-Year-Old In Newspaper

Police Do Good Deed By Confiscating Awful Weed

It’s a story familiar to everyone: Probably rich kid from the suburbs goes to Philadelphia, buys some weed, gets hassled by the cops but isn’t arrested, then he runs home and concocts a plan to sue the police for brutality and posts about it on the Internet.

Okay, maybe it’s not a story you’ve heard before. But, hell, it did happen recently. Apparently, Something Awful forums poster Popeye Jones tried to buy some weed from his friend in Chestnut Hill, but the cops hassled him while he was waiting for his mom to pick him up.

Oh, and there’s a word filter on the forums apparently, so you get sentences like this: “Do I have any legal options? I’m assuming I don’t since Philadelphia’s police and judicial…well, the whole God drat city is corrupt.”

So I go to my boy who works nearby and sells weed out of his job. Now, while I’m walking by the borders, I did notice a cop pull up, walk up to the door, call three guys over to him, and then they all scurried of. He kind of waved in our direction, as well. Not thinking much of it, I went to my boys job and picked up an 8th for $20.

Uhh, dude should be thanking the cops for taking his 8th. Twenty dollars? Getting weed for $20 is like buying a car for $1,000. It sounds good in theory, but the chances of buyer’s remorse are approaching 100 percent. I tell you, there’s no way that shit came from the 22nd Street pot house.

Tell me if my rights were violated by undercover Philadelphia police [Something Awful]
House filled to rafters with reefer [Inquirer]
About 45 people sent that second story to me. No, it’s not my apartment.

Drug Czar Has Clearly Never Smoked Up

This is from a while ago, but although I made fun of him in the paper I don’t think I did anything here, which means: Fair game! Easy opportunity to make the same jokes again!

Ladies and gentlemen, Office of National Drug Control Policy Chairman — i.e. the drug czar — John Walters:

“Marijuana usage is a blind spot in our communities,” Walters said. “It is the catalyst that makes violence worse. We need to abandon this notion and work to fight these substances.”

Hey, Mr. Walters. You ever hear of crack?

Walters Points Blame At Parents [The Bulletin]

In Which I Write About The War On Drugs Again

I don’t like to be serious here, you know, ever. But forgive me for a second while I pontificate.

Let’s get the event out of the way: Saturday at 4, a group will meet at Broad and South for a march to Headhouse Square to protest the criminalization of marijuana. Yes, I’m writing about drug legalization again. But it’s in the guise of an event preview, so, really, I’m doing two annoying things: Getting serious about drugs and previewing an event I have an interest in. Hooray!

Thing is, though, marijuana should be legal. It’s a drug that has never killed anyone — it’s impossible to overdose — is less harmful than alcohol and tobacco and, uh, a drug many American citizens enjoy recreationally. You can die from drinking too much alcohol. You can die from taking too many Aspirin. But you can’t die from smoking (or eating, or whatever) marijuana. People with extreme pain can ease it by smoking marijuana. People on drugs that make it hard to eat can regain their appetite by smoking marijuana. (Uh, duh.) But the federal government continues to rely on faulty science to prevent people from getting the relief they need.

But, actually, the government did approve of marijuana. Thirty-five years ago a Nixon commission on drugs recommended marijuana be legalized. Nixon shelved the report.

Is marijuana a “safe” drug? No. No drugs are. But, to lock people up for smoking weed? To arrest 16.5 million people for marijuana-related charges? To spend $20 billion attacking a plant people enjoy using simply because Mexicans smoked it when they immigrated to the United States?

Pardon me if my arguments aren’t very strong. But, to me, it seems like a no-brainer. Save money! Make tax money! Allow dying people to feel better! What, exactly, is the issue here? It’s not like making marijuana illegal makes it any harder to get.

Anyway, since I’m apparently incapable of making a decent argument, I asked Derek Rosenzweig, co-chair of the Philadelphia chapter of NORML, the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws, a few questions about marijuana legalization and the Global Cannabis March on Saturday. And by “asked a few questions,” I mean “asked a few softballs.” Hey, I already told you how I feel about this.

More »

Milton Street, Fake Candidate With Real Drug Policy

Today’s Philadelphia Weekly has a big ol’ feature on America’s #1 politician, Milton Street. In addition to revealing how he got all the signatures for his now-City Council At-Large run — “I was out there last night at some of the homeless shelters, and those brothers are ready to do things” — and his stance on marijuana:

“We don’t take advantage of all our natural resources,” he says sincerely, passionately. “Marijuana is the largest cash crop in America.”

The 67-year-old unemployed former hot dog vendor—who wanted to replace his brother as mayor despite the fact he’s facing federal charges for corruption and tax evasion—wants to decriminalize marijuana.

“Yeah, and sell it through the state stores, just like they sell liquor,” Street says with conviction, as though debating the point would be ludicrous. “It’s not as detrimental to your health as alcohol.”

The man who may or may not live in Moorestown, N.J., thinks legalizing marijuana could be a way of alleviating property taxes, funding schools and adding police officers. He says he tried to get legislation passed in 1982 when he served as a state senator in Harrisburg, but he couldn’t rally support.

“It’s all about money,” he concedes. “It’s all about economics.”

Isn’t it amazing? The thing Milton Street is most lucid on is drug policy.

Milton’s Paradise Lost [PW]

Popular Salesman Arrested

Salesman Edward Stern was arrested yesterday. His clientèle was highly upset, wondering just where they were going to get their goods without him around anymore.

The clientèle, of course, were drug buyers, and Stern was arrested and charged with weapons violations, possession of drugs with the intent to deliver and possession of an instrument of crime.

He also worked at a cell phone store in Mayfair. Although his coworkers knew of his checkered past — “Stern and his ‘Ugly Squad’ cohorts took significant losses in 2005, when cops raided their posh Wissinoming lairs and confiscated $1.3 million, 11 kilograms of cocaine and six live alligators” — they didn’t know he was allegedly still selling drugs.

But maybe they should have:

The ordeal was mystifying and frightening for Stern’s boss at the cell-phone shop, Johnny Dax. “He was a great worker,” said Dax, 34. “He was here every day from noon to 8 p.m.

“Nobody ever had a problem with him. In fact, the customers loved him.”

Yeah, the customers usually love the workers at cheapo cell phone stores.

Static on his cell [Daily News]

Principal Arrested For Dealing Meth, Scrubbing His Skin Until He Can Get All The Giant Spiders Off

The principal of a middle school in Bethlehem has been arrested for allegedly being a meth dealer. Cops say 50-year-old John Acerra sold crystal meth to police informants three times this month.

Now, why would a man in a such a low-paying position of middle school principal attempt to make extra money in the occasionally high-paying profession of illegal drug sales? Oh, wait. Police say Acerra used and sold crystal meth for at least five months before his arrest, and had meth on his desk when he was arrested.

Cops originally found out due to a police informant. After witnessing a drug deal, the cops arrested the dude who bought the drugs, who then wore a wire in order to catch the principal dealing and eradicate meth from Bethlehem forever. Acerra, of course, sold the meth from his office.

Police asked the confidential informant about the principal after some curious special days at the school, like “Stay Up For Three Days Straight Day” and “Holy Shit They’re Closing In On Me Day”, not to mention “The Dogs, The Dogs, They’re All After Me Day.”

Nitschmann principal in meth bust [Allentown Morning Call]
Reports: Principal Busted For Selling Meth In School Office [NBC 10]

‘Metro’ Drops Some Funky Shit

I’ll spare you some sort of annoying joke (”joke”) along the lines of “Oh yeah contributing to the horrible, pointless drug war surely is the right thing to do”, because, well, eh, I’m in a good mood and don’t want to get into a worse one. But I will say this: I am glad that I live in a city where the only daily newspaper that would print “shit” in a pretty much unedited form — when you use “sh-t,” you’re pretty much using “shit” — is the fucking Metro. At least one paper in this city doesn’t treat us like we’re five. Well, in this instance, at least.

Alleged Drug Dealing Pharmacist Could Possibly Win Mayor’s Race With His Current Popularity

The only war going worse than the one in Iraq continued yesterday, as two men in East Mount Airy were arrested for selling Xanax without a prescription.

The two men also sold codeine and percocets. Customers paid $50 for pancakes and syrup, i.e. Xanax and codeine. A narcotics captain said the case “erodes public confidence with pharmacists,” so I’m probably going to tell the girl at the counter at the CVS she sucks next time I pick up my Zyrtec.

The owner of the pharmacy where the alleged drug sales occured, Felix Enogwe, is out on bail. He left his employee in jail, of course. And in another predictable storyline, the pharmacy allegedly selling drugs was — get this — popular!

Some who worked near the pharmacy said Enogwe was a popular business owner on the strip.

William Shelton, 84, an employee of Blue Lagoon coin laundry next door to the Liberty, said Enogwe would pay him $50 per week just to empty his trash.

“He was helpful to a whole lotta people ’round here,” Shelton said while eating a french fry next to a washing machine.

But what kind of french fry? (Microwave, curly, fast food, what?) Why would you leave out these important details?

2 at pharmacy face drug counts [Daily News]