Alycia Lane: A Virgin At 23, Apparently

The best thing from the Phillymag’s novel about the Alycia Lane saga is most certainly this factoid on the fourth page about Lane:

In fact, defending herself, she later told people that she hadn’t lost her virginity until she was 23.

Okay, so that should be what people will be talking about. There’s also such a dramatic ending: “Except that person was long gone. In her place was Alycia, out with her celebrity DJ boyfriend and a powerful radio exec, wearing that expensive black designer jacket, her makeup as perfect as it always was on-air, pulling out her iPhone and snapping shots of what she must have thought was news. And then she said the words that both begin and end the story of Alycia Lane, the words that describe who she had been, and had lost, that might actually sound somewhat poetic, in the desperate way that famous last words always are.” Stop! Enough, you had me until that last sentence.

Coincidentally, Andy Reid’s lawyer was present for the creation of this story, too. No, really: Alycia Lane’s lawyer is Andy Reid’s lawyer. Nevermind then. (He’s actually quoted.)

Hot Wet Teen Virgins

A group of virgins got together near Harrisburg Saturday for an abstinence rally, but it rained so only 300 people showed up (instead of 2000) and the “Silver Ring Thing” presentation had to be canceled. A performance by Christian group Sonicflood, who has waterproof equipment for some reason, went on as scheduled.

As you can see from the above photo, the virgins in attendance were… uh… soaked? Or perhaps this is a dot painting by Seurat.

Although the group prayed, they apparently didn’t really want to see the Silver Ring Thing performance anyway.

But the skies opened about 3:15 p.m. Soon after 4 p.m., a group of Silver Ring Thing staff members, mostly young people in their late teens and early 20s, began to pray. They didn’t pray for sunshine or for the show to go on, though; “We were praying for peace and calmness,” staff member Krystle Sierras, 19, of Houston, said.

Rain shortens abstinence show [The Patriot-News]
[Photo via Patriot-News]

Finally, A Job For Philadelphia Will Do Readers

Geeze, and I thought you just put a statue of Mary in your window. (Also a virgin! I never knew the source of that superstition until just now. Duh.) Follow me after the jump for some of the most awesome/pathetic sex jokes this blog has ever seen — and that’s saying a lot.

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Sex! Sex! Sex! Now That I Have Your Attention: Virginity.

Every once in a while I open the paper and see a story I know I will be tackling later in the day. Even before I’ve read it, I know what the jokes are going to be. I know what I’m going to say, I know how people are going to react, I know people will be sending me links to the article, etc.

How do I do this? Easy: I can travel through time — it’s the only way I can survive this job. Okay, okay, I can’t time travel yet. But I do know what’s going to happen when I read a headline that says, “Why I remain a virgin.” And it’s even better when the article isn’t in the Bulletin and is actually in the Inquirer and given a prominent place on the front page of Philly.com.

I’m sorry you’ve had to waste your time reading stupid comments like “That slut needs to be BANGED!” on the Philly.com comments, but, hey, masterpieces take time. (And this blog entry took time, too.) Down below, some virgin-y goodness. For added effect, I’ll be having sex as I write this post.

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Hymen-Breaking News

Ladies, the adult film industry is looking for you. Well, if you meet one minor qualification.

We are looking for females with an interest in the adult film industry. Our production company is based in Los Angeles and is on the East Coast in search of fresh, untapped actresses. If you are in the Philadelphia area and interested in a great opportunity, please respond via e-mail with a listing of any related experience and a photo.

Eh, everyone’s got a fetish.

Adult Film Opportunity - m4w [Craigslist]

Virgins: So in right now

Here at Philadelphia Weekly, we like to take care of our own. Especially when they’re people who have been here a while and are more than nice to little shits like me who have a job blogging while other staffers (like her) are doing more important things.

With that said, it’s time for a shameless plug: yesterday, PW contributing editor Lauren McCutcheon was on CBS’ Early Show promoting her new book, A Virgin’s Guide To Everything.

And, as shown in this photos in the Inquirer (all by staff photographer Ed Hille, and scanned in by me) yesterday, she fared quite well during her first live TV appearance. Her book is interesting, quite funny, and I say these things as a lover of interesting, humorous writing, and not a PW staffer.

You can check out the book’s official website here. While I’m at it, another scanned in photo after the jump.

Virginsguide.com
Virgin mirth [Inky]

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