Vampire/Werewolf Hybrid Captured In Pa.

A Pottsville man convinced a 15-year-old girl he was part werewolf and part vampire before sexually assaulting her, police say.

It’s good to know it’s not just Bigfoot who lives in Pennsylvania! The above lead comes from The Morning Call of Allentown, which reports on the arrest of 19-year-old Kristian Carl for statutory sexual assault. The teen also apparently believed he was a werewolf/vampire hybrid (informally a werepire).

Pottsville police Sgt. James Joos said Carl “showed me his canine teeth” to prove he was a vampire. He also noted to The Morning Call: “I let him know that all mammals, including humans, have canine teeth.” The police have doubts that Carl was really a vamp/wolf hybrid (for some reason), but he did apparently know the girl was 15 and he had to wait a year before consummating their relationship.

Carl also believed he had a guardian dragon. That part is true, too, but the dragon is on vacation this month and wasn’t there to stop Sgt. Joos. Carl is also the re-incarnated starting quarterback of the 1925 Pottsville Maroons.

Update: Be sure to check out the comments section, where death is suggested as a valid punishment for a 19-year-old having sex with his 15-year-old girlfriend.

Unearthly assault alleged [Morning Call]
29 Oct 07: Bigfoot Enthusiast Says Photo Is Bigfoot

F-Word ‘Inquirer’ Quotes Fucking Vampire

After discussing whether her column her column was bad for kids over the weekend, today Faye Flam asks why, in English, the words for sex and sex organs are deemed the “worst” swears.

While the Inquirer doesn’t print fuck, dick, cock, pussy, tits, twat, cunt, motherfucker, come-covered man slut or any other “sexual swear” I can’t think of off the top of my head, there are several instances of “F-word.” (”F-word” has been clinically proven to be less harmful to kids than “fuck.”) We also learn that the Inquirer has lessened its restrictions on “damn” and “hell,” yet “buggery” is banned. Well, bull feathers!

Apparently, though, cursing is good for the soul and good for society. (It’s not even a sin to say “fuck.” Yes! Fuck fuck fuck! See how fun that is?) As for society, well, Flam explains:

Overall, the scientific evidence suggests swearing is good for you, says psycholinguist Timothy Jay of Massachusetts College of the Liberal Arts and author of Cursing in America. ¶ We’re the only animal that can curse, he says, which sometimes helps us avoid physical violence. “It allows us to express our emotions symbolically and at a distance.” For example, Jay says, when a woman was weaving in front of him on the road that morning he was able to call her a “dumb ass” instead of getting out of his car and biting her.

After being cut off, Timothy Jay’s two options were (a) say “dumb ass” or (b) get out and bite her. I must say, that’s quite a clusterfuck.

Why are sex words our worst swear words? [Inquirer]