Giant Accountant, Uncle Sam Terrorize West Philadelphia With Giant Money

Man, how did everybody but the Weekly Press miss this Godzilla-like catastrophe the other day?

Bonus thought: What’s more terrifying, these giant monsters or the Quinto mascots?

IRS kicks-off relocation project at former 30th St. Post Office [Center City Weekly Press]

Santa’s Elves Need A Better Union

Every year, children write letters to Santa Claus. Santa’s too busy making presents (or, rather, making plans to outsource it to Chinese elf labor) to respond to all the letters, so post office workers do the deed for him.

Only, uh, now the post office is making everyone who answers letters for Santa provide photo ID and sign a liability waiver because it’s worried about sexual predators. While the waiver is also to absolve the post office of any liability in case of a lawsuit — maybe if little Johnny didn’t get that Nintendo Wii he wanted, he’ll sue Santa — apparently the whole thing is for, uh, protecting the children.

A corporation or nonprofit must promise not to hold the post office responsible for legal action that might result from “authorized or unauthorized handling, use and response to the subject Letters to Santa by any person.” [...] Worries about sexual predators, identity theft and frivolous lawsuits make it imperative that the names and addresses not fall into the wrong hands.

“Protecting our children is our No. 1 concern, so we want to know who is requesting the letters,” [Doylestown Postmaster Eileen Wilkinson] said.

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Liberty Bell To Receive Nation’s Greatest Honor

Yes, my friends, the rumors are true: The Liberty Bell will finally make an appearance on a stamp. Or possibly will again make an appearance on a stamp. Or possibly will make its umpteenth appearance on a stamp.

But, anyway, yes, the Liberty Bell will join such luminaries as Skinny Elvis, John Muir and possibly Beetle Bailey on a new stamp. It was unveiled today at the National Postal Forum, a gathering of companies in the mailing industry. I mention this because, well, no matter how much you hate your job today, at least you weren’t at the National Postal Forum for the unveiling of a new Liberty Bell stamp.

The stamp will not carry a price, even though it will cost 41 cents when it goes on sale April 12. It will simply say “FOREVER,” and will work to mail a U.S. letter, uh, forever. No more two-cent stamps! I’m going to stockpile these stamps and sell ‘em in 2050 and be rich, I tells ya. Rich!

Philly Site Chosen For Scene Of ‘Forever’ Stamp [AP/NBC 10]

Reason #16 To Love Philadelphia: Faust Capobianco

Not to sound like a 75-year-old, but I was wondering the other day if kids still wrote letters to Santa. (In my day, we had to walk 25 miles uphill to the post office just to make sure Santa knew we wanted wooden blocks!)

Anyway, apparently kids still do write letters to Santa, and, in Bucks County, Faust Capobianco answers them. (Faust Capobianco is, by far, the coolest name I’ll get to write today.)

The story in the Bucks County Courier Times by Chrstina Kristofic notes that Capobianco had to cancel a date he was so backed up in, uh, helping Santa answer his mail.

And here’s the best letter.

One child wrote, “Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is for Micnabb (sic) to feel better.” A drawing at the bottom of the letter showed Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb throwing a football to Santa.

Yet another Eagles fan who doesn’t have faith in Jeff Garcia. Oh well. Hey, at least he got a reply from Santa.

Postal worker helps St. Nick answer mail [Bucks County Courier Times]

Mailman Attacker ‘Not God’

Yeah, I know, we already ragged on it yesterday, but NBC 10’s coverage of the mailman who was stabbed yesterday was absolutely fantastic.

That’s not a bad close there, albeit a little forced. Only problem is, the attacker won’t be spending her first day in jail, considering she’s previously served 11 years in prison for murder.

Stabber told postman: ‘This is the day you die’ [Daily News]
Yesterday: Motivated by 6-6-06?
Also yesterday:Postal Service Might As Well Give Up

Motivated By 6-6-06?

We end you with this “eerie” footage from NBC 10 earlier this hour about the mail carrier stabbed earlier today by a woman who said “This is your day to die.”

Also, we should also note that that Bill Baldini notified the viewers that neighbors considered a mailman stabbing “bizarre.”