Comcast, Senator Team Up To Screw You

Hey, guess, what, fellas? Will Bunch has quite the scoop! Turns out Arlen Specter doesn’t really care about you, or the Eagles, at all! Yes, apparently he only cares about people who give him money, making him a politician.

As you may have read earlier, Specter wants to investigate the NFL for Spygate because he just loves fair sports so much and there hasn’t been much else going on in Washington. Ha ha, that’s just what ol’ Arlen said, though, and I hope you knew it wasn’t true since a politician said it.

Bunch writes that two of Specter’s biggest donors are Comcast and lobbying firm Blank Rome, who lobbies for Comcast. Comcast, as you know, is in a war with the NFL over the NFL Network. (Isn’t it cute when multi-million dollar corporations fight?) This is probably why Arlen Specter is angry about the NFL’s exclusive deal with DirecTV, yet silent on Comcast SportsNet’s refusal to sell the channel to satellite systems.

Basically, all it means is a politician is screwing you over. But you already knew that.

Arlen’s tangled Comcastic mess: It’s worse than you think [Attytood]

Old Senator Makes Fun Of Old Ex-Senator

Ha ha, have you seen the Arlen Specter stand-up routine video on the Inquirer’s website? In it, Specter makes a lot of jokes regarding Bob Dole’s age. And then he makes some Viagara jokes! Ho ho! He also made a joke about Dan Quayle thinking the word “harass” was two words.

Specter made a few good jokes, especially this one about the death of JFK. (What, too soon?) Specter said JFK was killed by only one bullet, which was fired from the Texas School Book Depository. Specter said the bullet traversed 15 layers of clothing, 7 layers of skin and 15 inches of tissue! It went through the back of JFK’s next, exiting at the front of his throat, hit Texas Gov. John Connally’s back, slid along his fifth rib and exited his chest below the right nipple. It then struck his right wrist, exited at his palm and struck his left thigh, hitting the femur. Somehow, later, it exited Gov. Connally and rested on his stretcher. Now that’s a funny joke.

Senator Arlen Specter at the DC Improv [Inquirer]
Single bullet theory [Wikipedia]

Ex-Phillies Pitcher Also In Larry Craig’s Corner

It’s not just noted comedian Arlen Specter who’s supporting embattled GOP Senator Larry Craig. No, apparently everyone in the Republican party who’s spent any time in Philadelphia values comedy as much as I do. Case in point: Ex-Phillies pitcher Jim Bunning:

Sens. Ted Stevens of Alaska, Jim Bunning of Kentucky and Michael Enzi of Wyoming voiced their dissatisfaction with the response of GOP leaders in the chamber, according to one senator who was at the luncheon and two aides familiar with the meeting. Stevens, whose home was recently raided as part of a federal corruption probe, stood up to say it’s wrong to prejudge these matters, the sources said.

He was joined by Sen. Jim Bunning of Kentucky and Sen. Michael Enzi of Wyoming, who also “wagged their finger” at the leadership, in the words of one of the aides.

Yes! This is probably the best thing Bunning has done since his perfect game.

Craig sex sting case dividing GOP senators [CNN]
Yesterday: Arlen Specter: Comedy Genius

‘Inquirer’ Compares Bob Casey To… Borat?

The Inquirer reports on Bob Casey’s Senate orientation sessions this week. Nothing too fancy, until the end.

Casey was asked about where he was planning on living in D.C.:

“Somewhere close in and inexpensive,” Casey said of his housing plans, displaying a comic, Boratlike innocence in his understanding of the Washington housing market.

Agreeing with Wonkette here: “It’s nice that what is surely the first use of ‘Boratlike’ in a major newspaper is also completely nonsensical. But there’s our talking points for Senator-elect Casey: Antisemite, sister-fucker.”

Thanks as usual, Inquirer.

Casey begins Senate orientation [Inquirer]
Orientation Week Continues: Bob Casey Finds DC Housing Market “Verrry Niiiice” [Wonkette]

Swing… And A Miss

Fun story: While I was in college, we accidentally spelled his name wrong in a headline. Whoops.

State senator hosts campus forum [Temple News]

What A Surprise: Ex-Phillie Senator Named One Of Nation’s Worst

Time recently listed America’s 10 best senators, a list that includes Pennsylvania’s own Arlen Specter.

Specter’s been a senator since 1980 and a politician since the consolidation of Philadelphia (approx.), so he should be pretty knowledgeable about what it takes to be a good one. Plus, he pisses off both Democrats and Republicans, which is always a sign you’re doing something right, at least.

Also on the list is none other than Jim Bunning, a former pitcher for the Philadelphia Phillies. While with the Fightin’ Phils, Bunning pitched a perfect game in 1964, won 19 games three times and, uh, was on the 1964 team that blew a 6 1/2 game lead in the National League with only 12 to play. His number is retired by the Phils and he’s in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

As a senator, though, he’s been less than stellar, says Time:

In addition to being hostile to staff members on the Hill and occasionally even other Senators, Bunning shows little interest in policy unless it involves baseball, according to congressional experts and colleagues. [...] Bunning exhibited bizarre behavior during his 2004 re-election campaign. He said his Democratic opponent, a child of Italian immigrants, looked like one of Saddam Hussein’s sons. He refused to go to Kentucky for the campaign’s only debate and took part instead from Washington. It was later revealed that he had read some of his answers in the debate from a teleprompter.

You see, this is why some athletes shouldn’t run for office after their playing careers are over. Although I can think of a good person to run against Bunning when he’s up for re-election: Darren Daulton. That‘d be quite the race.

America’s 10 Best Senators [Time via Wonkette]
A Brief History of Philadelphia [USHistory.org]
Feb. 17: Daultonian metaphysics, explained