Beating, Thanking A Dead Horse

Oh, just when you thought the news was all Don Imus and Jon Corzine comes the news about two new important bills pending on Capitol Hill. Our Congresspeople have gotten together to propose two Barbaro-related bills.

Well, the first bill doesn’t mention Barbaro at all, but it is a ban on eating horses. (Well, it’s the actual clever workaround of banning eating horses by banning the transportation of horses for slaughter. Same thing.) And, of course, we would never know about this bill at all if not for Barbaro.

Now, I have absolutely no interest ever in eating a horse. First off, I bet they taste like shit. And anybody who wants to eat a non-Barbaro horse is a little off in my book. But I believe every American should have the God-given right to eat whatever animal they want, even bald eagles. (Especially bald eagles! What better way to celebrate freedom than by eating it!)

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Breaking: Bob Brady Kills Witness, Tom Knox Hates Katrina Victims

First off, the above photo: Awesome.

Second: The plucky political reporters over at the Inquirer are up in Polish Country, covering the challenge to Bob Brady’s nominating petitions. So far, there have been three major developments:

• Judge Toole ruled Bob Brady must testify, thereby forcing him to miss an important House of Representatives vote on Hurricane Katrina funding. Oh no! How will that ever pass! The Inquirer: “‘I’m trying to get to a vote,’ he said. ‘It’s a shame to be here for this.’ He notes the votes awaiting him on the House floor, at 2 p.m., ‘Katrina, more funding.’ He rolls his eyes, looks at his watch.”
• The second witness for Paul Rosen — that’s Tom Knox’s lawyer — has gone missing. The missing witness is a member of the Carpenter’s union. One can only assume Bob Brady has killed him and feasted on his innards afterward.
• Milton Street dropped his challenge against Bob Brady, since he doesn’t want a white guy to win. Milton: “I don’t want to go in the black community and hear them say, ‘You made Tom Knox mayor.’” Then he said “Watermelon Man,” draped himself over a coffin and belted out an Aretha Franklin tune.

Oh, and Brady’s defense is that since he listed his pension on his federal financial disclosures (for Congress), he didn’t need to list it on his mayoral nominating petitions.

A witness goes MIA [Mayorpalooza]
Judge Rules Brady Must Testify; He’ll Have To Miss DC Votes [Mayorpalooza]