Olbermann Names Rendell World’s Worst

Hey, so Howard Beale Keith Olbermann did his little nightly news/opinion/fuck Bush program last night and — well lookie here! — Ed Rendell was named the worst person in the world.

Apparently, yesterday Rendell made a joke about Fox News having the best primary coverage. Then he said he thought Fox actually had been doing a good job. So Keith Olbermann called it “Fixed News” and “Fox Noise” in oh-so-hilarious fashion; by November I expect his show to be nothing but him shitting on photos of President Bush.

Video after the jump, courtesy Attytood.

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Marcus Hayes Will Not Tolerate Your Criticism, Nerd

Marcus Hayes is the Philadelphia Phillies beat writer for the Daily News. He apparently also doesn’t like statistics like on base percentage and on base percentage plus slugging.

Over on Phillies blog The Good Phight, a blogger emailed Marcus Hayes about some story Hayes wrote in the DN. The blogger, one “jonk,” intros his post with this piece of unintentional hilarity:

We have the word “Phight” in our name, but I find that we aren’t putting up much of a fight at all. We run parallel instead of perpendicular. At least for me, that is going to change. Philadelphia is known for it’s hard hitting sports “journalism” and being tough on the players. The problem is that the “journalists” get a free pass. Well, not from me and not any longer. I am tired of the animosity and disdain that the sports writers have for the general fan and for analytical thought.

Anyway, jonk doesn’t post what story it was, but he did send Hayes a critical email, which we can all assume it was as reasonable as the paragraph above. Here’s some of Hayes’ response:

OBP and OPS are geek numbers, especially for run-producers. I’d rather have my 3-4-5 guys drive the best strike they see rather than wait for the perfect pitch and jog down the baseline.

Sabremetrics are the bastion of wannabes who never could quite figure out which hand the mitt went on, a false industry created and fueled by people whose association with the game always will be vicarious, and, frankly, pathetic.

As opposed to sports writers, who are clearly… former… major league… baseball… players? Ha ha, remember when the Phillies were short in the bullpen and they got Marcus Hayes to close that one night? Man, that was awesome.

Fighting the good phight [The Good Phight]

‘Northeast Times’ tries stand-up

Just when you thought that you had heard every last one-liner about the Dick Cheney hunting incident, that you couldn’t possibly hear anything new about the situation, that you should be much more interested in Cheney saying he can do whatever he damn wants, thank you very much, comes the strangest editorial ever written, courtesy of the Northeast Times:

Dick Cheney is basically a decent man, a guy who loves his wife, daughters and country, but the man described by many as one of the most influential vice presidents in modern history is in a heap of trouble, and we’re not just talking about his possible involvement in the CIA leak case.

In fact, what Mr. Cheney did in Texas on Saturday — accidentally shooting one of his two-legged friends during a hunting trip — is worse than what Vice President Spiro Agnew did in 1973 (tax evasion), and it’s almost as bizarre as what Vice President Aaron Burr did in 1804 (killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel).

Had Mr. Cheney been more careful on the quail hunting trip (and he should have purchased the required stamp for his hunting license; he’s an oilman, he can afford the seven bucks), his pal Harry Whittington would not have been shot and critically injured.

Now, though, if President Bush wants to dispense with loyalty and cut his losses by picking a less controversial vice president, he should look no further than his secretary of state. Condoleezza Rice would be an excellent choice, and as veep she would be heir apparent for the Republican presidential nomination in 2008.

But if Mr. Bush wants to tap a less conventional person as his heartbeat away from the presidency, we offer these three contenders, for starters.

• Charlton Heston: The once-magnificent actor and ex-NRA president no longer has all his marbles. He’s perfect for the job.

• Britney Spears: The pop singer who drives with her baby on her lap is obviously missing a few marbles. She’s also fit to fill Mr. Cheney’s shoes.

• Joan Krajewski: The soon-to-be retired Philadelphia city councilwoman sure knows how to shoot from the hip.

Meanwhile, we the people should be grateful that Mr. Cheney is the stealth vice president. As long as he continues to run the country from his Undisclosed Location, America is safe. Well, almost.

See? It’s funny because Charlton Heston has Alzheimer’s disease.

Cheney says he has power to declassify information [AP via CNN.com]
Oh, shoot! [Northeast Times]