Tyson Homosexual Goes For The Gold

With a strong tailwind — 9.1 miles per hour — Tyson Gay ran an incredible 9.68 in the finals of the 100 meters at the Olympic trials over the weekend.

In an unrelated story, the American Family Association — a Christian group more concerned with hating gays than loving their neighbor — recently launched a news outlet, OneNewsNow, and directed editors to replace all instances of the word “gay” with “homosexual.” (I have no idea why.) And, naturally, the website ran a story on the wind-aided fastest time ever:

Tyson Homosexual was a blur in blue, sprinting 100 meters faster than anyone ever has.

His time of 9.68 seconds at the U.S. Olympic trials Sunday doesn’t count as a world record, because it was run with the help of a too-strong tailwind. Here’s what does matter: Homosexual qualified for his first Summer Games team and served notice he’s certainly someone to watch in Beijing.

“It means a lot to me,” the 25-year-old Homosexual said. “I’m glad my body could do it, because now I know I have it in me.” [...] After the race, Homosexual and Dix looked at each other and slapped palms, then hugged.

The story’s since been fixed, but Google News has preserved the headline: “Homosexual runs wind-aided 9.68 seconds to make Olympics.”

AFA’s search/replace function works perfectly [Dispatches from the Culture Wars]