Blogicized: Worst Year Ever

• People in Philadelphia, apparently, don’t know when they’ve been shot down, even if it takes them a year to notice. (I’m past that point; I know when I’m being rejected. It comes sometime in the five minutes following, “Nice to meet you.”) They also, apparently, have the “worst year ever,” which is kind of confusing until you remember this is Philadelphia. [Starting A Landslide in My Ego]

• Anthony DiMeo, III vs. Tucker Max, Philly Future and You. The headline says it all. [Philly Future]

• CHOP to build $400 million facility, to keep kinda creepy “CHOP” acronym. [America's Hometown]

Quickies: Fat Camp Instead Of Summer School?

• City Councilman Michael Nutter knows how to run for mayor: He says he’s going to get our kids to stop being fat! This may work with parents, but crotchety old people could be all “How about you show them some manners first!” [KYW 1060]

• Your Anthony DiMeo update, courtesy of Metro DiMeo beat reporter Josh Cornfield: “He said in previously filed court documents that the comments made about him on Max’s site caused him to live ‘in constant fear for his safety and the safety of his loved ones.’ DiMeo said in the documents that he was forced to seek out psychological counseling, that he suffered a loss of privacy and his business was affected.”

• Hey, when he’s not bashing those free AOL CDs about five years after people forgot what AOL is, and when he’s not playing with his doggy, we can always count on John Grogan for some good old fashioned Philadelphia optimism. Wait. Philadelphia optimism? [Inky]

• We Americans say goodbye to Katie Couric. Only, uh, she’s just going to be doing the news on a different station. Is she really leaving? [Gawker]

A Victory For Free Speech, And Hilarity

Most legal decisions don’t begin with the words “Tucker Max describes himself as an aspiring celebrity ‘drunk’ and ‘asshole,’” — well, at least not since Marbury v. Madison’s similar opening — but then again most lawsuits aren’t as hilarious as this. On Friday, right about when I packed it in for the long weekend, the lawsuit filed by Anthony DiMeo against Tucker Max was dismissed.

Anthony DiMeo was suing Tucker Max (that’s him in the photo, with Morimoto) because of mean things said by forum members about DiMeo on Tucker’s eponymous website, and he’s now received a legal smackdown from the judge in a fairly entertaining decision that not only contains a reference to a Philadelphia Weekly article — you’ll be possibly read over in law schools for years, Cassidy! — but has references to names like ‘Jerkoff’ and ‘footinmouth.’

Max, on his website, writes:

The judge’s decision is awesome. … The best part is the last quote, it is fucking awesome:

“Here we do so by protecting the coarse conversation that, it appears, never ends on tuckermax.com”

Well, that or the part where a FEDERAL JUDGE quotes someone from my board using the phrase, “getting fisted by an angry gorilla” and “mold your face to what you think you would look like if a leper were about to take a shit in your mouth.” Best. Legal. Decision. Ever.

If I ever become president — and if I do ever run for office, all anyone needs to do to derail my campaign is quote from any random selected post on this website — I would propose a law that requires all court decisions to contain the phrase “fisted by an angry gorilla.”

This isn’t really surprising, though. After all, DiMeo’s lawyer for this case was a man who had this on his website:

A true “Lawyer’s Lawyer”, Matthew is proud and flattered by continuously receiving referrals and praise from unaffiliated attorneys (even suprisingly from those who were once his opposing counsel).

You might think the fun might be over. No more DiMeo randomly threatening to sue any independent blogger who happens to report on a disastrous party he has or says things about him other than “Anthony DiMeo is awesome and throws the best parties!” You might think that this decision has affirmed that the Internet is a place where people who are, say, blueberry heirs can’t simply use their money to threaten to squelch any criticism of them. You, of course, would be wrong. According to our buddy Daniel Rubin, DiMeo is planning on appealing:

Tucker Max should not only expect a possible appeal to this one judges decision, but select members of his TuckerMax.com following should expect individual lawsuits to be filed against them for the countless false, inaccurate and misleading statements they have clearly posted on Mr. Max’s web site. Without a doubt, these type of legal battles are very, very costly… but, to me, it’s most certainly worth it to make people like Tucker Max pay for their wrongful actions. Tucker Max demeans women and promotes character assassinations; and this is something we must not allow in our society.

Apparently, the fun just won’t stop. Although I’m glad DiMeo has attempted to jump on the “Tucker Max demeans women” bandwagon, even though that wasn’t, exactly, what he was suing him for. I’m not quite sure it’ll work. I mean, could there be anything more demeaning than being a model for DiMeo’s PR firm?

TUCKER WINS!!! DIMEO LOSES!!! [Tucker Max Blog]
Matthew B. Weisberg [PPWLaw.com]
April 5: DiMeo v. Max, The Lawsuit — And The Party!

For Your Giggling Pleasure

This is an actual press release sent out by Anthony DiMeo III’s PR firm Renamity. DiMeo, as you may know, is suing Tucker Max for nasty things written about him on Max’s website.

Max held a party to support his legal defense fun for the case two weekends ago. And, last weekend, Renamity sent out this release:

———- Forwarded message ———-

From: renamity.com < info@renamity.com>
Date: Apr 30, 2006 4:24 AM
Subject: RELEASE: Underage Drinking and Arrest at Tucker Max Party
To: info@renamity.com

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

UNDERAGE DRINKING and ARREST AT TUCKER MAX PARTY
“TUCKER MAX PARTY VENUE (JAGERS BAR) & PATRON CITED FOR UNDERAGE DRINKING”

According to sources, the Liquor Control Board (LCB) had undercover officers at the Tucker Max Party held on Friday, April 21, 2006. O ne 19 year old female was arrested for underage drinking and in addition the the venue (Jagers Bar) was cited and faces possibly thousands in fines, and/or loss of liquor license.

One unnamed LCB officer told a RENAMITY representative that “hearings are currently being scheduled for the separate citations”, and he also stated “we plan to continue to our crackdown on underage drinking in the City of Philadelphia.”

The Tucker Max party at Jagers Bar was promoted by Philly2Night.com and hosted by Tucker Max himself. See attached police report for more information on this ongoing investigation.

RENAMITY

“…the Public Relations & Special Events POWERHOUSE…”

1730 Pine Street
Philadelphia, PA 19103

I can’t be sure — and I hope I’m not sued for making a false statement! — but I think this can be scientifically proven to be the stupidest, most unintentionally funny press release ever written. I’m glad I’m a blogger and not a real reporter (at least in theory) so I can just laugh really hard about this and not have to do any BS “balanced” writing about it. Phew.

The DiMeo Lawsuit Thread [Tucker Max Message Board]
Archives: Anthony DiMeo

Leftovers: ‘Free Parking’ To Be Replaced By ‘Parking, $10/Hour’

• Someone at Hasbro should have gone to jail instead of done this: Updating Monopoly to reflect current trends and prices. Don’t mess with a classic. Plus, getting a $10 bank error in your favor is the best part! [CNNMoney.com]

• The truth of the matter is, if you blog to get a book deal, and you don’t get one, you’ll probably give up your blog and say it wasn’t worth it. Right. Because you didn’t get said book deal. [Slate]

• Not too many details, but apparently the Tucker Max Legal Defense Party went well Friday night. [Tucker Max Blog]

• Surprise! An AP article about a possible sex toy ban in South Carolina contains double entendre after double entendre! [Wonkette]

• Can someone please confirm for me that this article about the Congressional Softball League is a joke? Like, this is a late April Fools joke from the WSJ, right? I mean, not all the partisan bickering — that I can believe. But 190 teams in a league? How can you have a league with that many teams in it? [Wall Street Journal]

• And, finally, some sad news to pass along: Lawyer, lecturer and Daily News/Tribune columnist Rotan Lee died after a sudden illness. He was 57. [DN]

DiMeo v. Max, The Lawsuit — And The Party!

Remember Anthony DiMeo III? He’s the guy who runs Renamity, which threw the disastrous New Year’s party where the booze was free-flowin’ until about 10:30, then it stopped. 10:30, as you might know, is well before midnight, so paintings got stolen and Le Jardin and Renamity are sparring legally and blah blah blah.

DiMeo has, in the past, filed a lawsuit against a fine alt-weekly in this city, though it escapes my mind which one it was.

Anyway, DiMeo, who’s the heir to a blueberry farm in Jersey and has shaken hands with Donald Trump, is suing another fine American institution, namely one Internet Celebrity Tucker Max.

Max is a Duke law grad who decided that the career wasn’t for him — and now he runs a website dedicated to his tales of debauchery and having as much sex as possible. His just finished up a book tour for I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, which was on the New York Times best seller list for paperback non-fiction.

Anyway, Metro’s Josh Cornfeld — who’s on the Anthony DiMeo beat, I swear — does a great and unintentionally hilarious job of summarizing the facts:

“We’re going to prove it has not only distressed him but it has caused him harm,” said DiMeo’s attorney, Matthew B. Weisberg, “both emotional distress as well as commercial.”

“Awesome,” Max said by e-mail, calling the lawsuit the best news of the week. “Please give Ant-nee my address, so as to expedite delivery of a document I anticipate to be of the highest comedy. [...]

DiMeo is suing Max for more than $1 million.

Weisberg said the comments on Max’s Web site aren’t protected by the First Amendment under a law passed by Congress last year that outlaws anonymously posting or e-mailing messages intending to annoy.

Those paragraphs might be funnier than any intentional comedy I’ve ever read. News as this develops, of course, but for now, here’s one of the threads on Tucker Max’s website that he’s being sued over.

Party heads to court [Metro]
Here’s what’s fun — you’re getting served! [Citypaper]

Quickies: The one with the segues

• See, it’s not just priests who are pedophiles, it’s Catholic school janitors, too. Oh. Well, much better then, doncha think? [CBS 3]

• Speaking of Catholicism and scandal, a lawsuit filed by a priest-turned-activist alleges that Cardinal Edward Egan, the archbishop of the diocese of New York, practices in consensual homosexual sex with adults regularly. Also alleged to be gay? Albany bishop Howard Hubbard and Newark archbishop John Myers. Wow. [Village Voice]

• And speaking of alt-weeklies, the New York Press‘ editorial staff walked out after the paper’s publishers quashed the publication of the infamous Danish Muhammad cartoons. [The Politicker via Gawker]

• Annnnnnd, finally, speaking of quashing stories in newspapers, let’s just say if this anti-Tucker Max column in Penn’s newspaper wasn’t published, no one would have been all that upset. [Daily Pennsylvanian]