Locals Try Futile Attempts At Voting

Philadelphians put their best feet forward yesterday and attempted to vote in the Most Important Election Ever Between A Black And A Woman. Only problem: Pennsylvania’s primary isn’t until April 22.

But, still, the city’s most informed residents lined up to vote yesterday, apparently confused by the media into thinking their votes counted. They usually don’t count anyway, but this time nobody could even get a chance to pretend it did.

It was among the first of more than 400 calls from people who thought it was Election Day in Philadelphia, according to workers in the city commissioners office. “We’ve been telling people the only way they can vote is to get in their car and drive to Jersey,” joked Tim Dowling, a campaign finance specialist in the office.

“We were very patient and explained [that] there was a primary in New Jersey but not here,” said another worker who asked not to be identified…. Most people were very polite; they apologized for calling. But some of them insisted, they knew it was Election Day and they were going to vote. So we told them to go over the bridge.”

Unfortunately, those who attempted to cross the bridge into New Jersey accidentally drove off the bridge. Election officials were counting a jump off the northern side as a vote for Hillary, and a jump off the southern side as a vote for Obama.

Don’t feel bad, though, Philadelphians: This happened all over the country.

Sometimes voting ‘don’t come easy’ [Daily News]

Tsunami In A Teapot

Hey, everybody, did you hear the news? We’re not allowed to use the term “Tsunami Tuesday” to describe next Tuesday’s primaries. Yes, apparently using disaster terms to describe non-disaster events is now offensive, and the NHL’s Carolina Hurricanes are going to have to change their name any day now.

Please note: I don’t want to encourage anyone to use the term “Tsunami Tuesday.” — I doubt many people will — because it’s ugly-sounding. “Super Duper Tuesday” is a highly superior term, if only because it reminds me of Hersheypark. (Did you know: Hersheypark’s new rollercoaster Fahrenheit “was the first ever roller coaster to gather hype through a viral marketing campaign.” Put that in a record book!)

The author of the blog post is Sree “Tsunami” Sreenivasan, who is actually a professor at Columbia. He says we shouldn’t be upset about previous “Tsunami Tuesday” references, but says we should stop. (He’s also tremendously not over the top about his request, to his credit.) And, really, I have to agree with him on this point.

A friend at lunch pointed out we’d never say, “Rudy’s campaign fell like the twin towers.”

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