Beer Truck Crash Fails To Spill Any Beer

Ha ha, a truck carrying Yuengling crashed on the ramp off I-95 at Woodhaven this morning, tying up traffic and not even spilling any beer on the road. Geeze, what’s the point?

Photo via David Swanson/Inquirer

Carnival Ride Crash!

The Fox 29 news at 5 o’clock reported on this carnival ride crash on the Northeast Extension:

What is that, some kind of Tilt-a-Whirl knockoff? Tea cups? Either way: At least it wasn’t the Gravitron.

Breaking: Jon Corzine Declares Self Messiah

Jon Corzine didn’t give any interviews yesterday, but he did allow himself to be photographed by an Associated Press photographer. Fortunately, he’s out of the ICU, looks pretty good, and hopefully he can recover and move on and buckle his seatbelt or whatever.

He will, of course, since he’s apparently the second coming:

“I’m the most blessed person who ever lived,” Corzine told an Associated Press photographer taking his picture at Cooper University Hospital in Camden.

Pfft. Clearly, Corzine has never heard of Barbaro.

Corzine shows he isn’t flat on his back [Inquirer]

Driver Who Can’t Get Speeding Ticket Drives Fast

Breaking news out of New Jersey for those of you who can’t put two and two together: The driver of Corzine’s car was speeding during the accident that injured the governor.

The state trooper was going 91 miles per hour on the Garden State Parkway or possibly the New Jersey Turnpike. (There’s no word if the driver was the same one who used to drive Gov. Rendell 100 mph on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, but one can assume each gubernatorial administration has its own speedy driver.)

There’s really not much else to this story, except this:

State Police Superintendent Col. Joseph “Rick” Fuentes said troopers driving governors have discretion whether to speed or use their lights in emergency situations or to avoid standing traffic for security reasons.

He refused to say whether Corzine’s trip from Atlantic City to Princeton for a meeting at the governor’s mansion between fired radio personality Don Imus and the Rutgers University women’s basketball team constituted an emergency.

Yes, leaving the city where you can do coke off a hooker’s ass for, like, $10 to mediate a debate between the Cryptkeeper and a basketball team that got embarrassed in the championship game is most importantly an emergency.

Corzine’s van going 91 mph before accident [Camden Courier-Post]

Breaking: American Driver Doesn’t Wear Seatbelt

In case you haven’t heard, New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine would have been in better condition today but he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. (New Jersey has already rolled out a new ad campaign, at right.) The guv is expected to be okay, though he’s going to be in a wheelchair for about six months. Corzine is having two more surgeries, but he should be able to walk normally in several months.

But maybe this isn’t some sort of seatbelt-related mishap. As CBS 3 reported earlier today, the previous two elected governors, Christine Whitman and Jim McGreevey, also broke their leg while in office:

The injury to Corzine’s left leg means that the last three people elected to serve as New Jersey governor have all broken a leg while in office. Fellow Democrat James E. McGreevey broke his left leg during a nighttime beach walk, while Republican Christie Whitman broke her right leg while skiing in the Swiss Alps.

Only Richard Codey, again the acting governor, was spared the fate due to assuming the position, not campaigning for it. He better just continue as Senate president, only filling in as governor due to mishaps.

Update: Bruce Gordon, on the Fox 5 O’Clock News — with KLH, natch — just said: “In the short term, Codey must deal with a major storm, a nor’easter, bearing down on the Garden State this weekend.”

Report: Gov. Corzine Was Not Wearing Seatbeat [CBS 3]

Don Imus Continues To Attack New Jersey

Don Imus continued his relentless attack on New Jersey yesterday during a meeting originally thought to be simply a meeting between the Rutgers’ women’s basketball team and Imus.

On the way to moderate the meeting, New Jersey Gov. Jon Corzine was seriously injured in a hit-and-run car accident. A red pickup truck cut off a Dodge Ram, which swerved in front of Corzine’s vehicle. Police are looking for the driver of the red pickup, and are suggesting N.J. residents go on a vigilante spree of citizen justice against anyone driving a red pickup truck.

Corzine suffered a multitude of broken bones, and his femur apparently broke through his skin, but he’s expected to be okay. Dick Codey is the acting N.J. governor, ah, again, until Corzine is recovered enough to get back to governin’.

Meanwhile, police are investigating how much culpability Don Imus has in the situation, working on the theory the meeting with the Rutgers’ women’s team was a setup in order to get to Corzine and injure him for perceived injustices against Imus. Police are also looking into theories that Imus is the real, real father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby and he has been posing as various members of the Philadelphia Phillies bullpen in the first nine games of the season.

Corzine hurt in crash [Inquirer]
[Photo and caption from CNN.com]

Not Even Serious Injuries From A Car Accident Will Keep Her From Her Rightful 15 Minutes On NBC 10

Okay, so Action News is reporting police will arrest Britt Reid today on weapons charges stemming from a ridiculous series of unconnected events last week.

But it is only NBC 10 that bites down to the real meat of the story. The station has photographs of Louise Hartman, the woman Garrett Reid hit with his car after allegedly running a red light. It shows… ah… a person with bad teeth?

And if you were wondering why Louise Hartman hasn’t talked to the media yet, it’s not because of shyness:

Despite Ms. Hartman’s desire to cooperate with the numerous media requests for interviews, she remains physically unable to accommodate such requests.

Sweet. She’s going to end up with a book deal — I Was Hit By Andy Reid’s Son And All I Got Were These Lousy Stitches — I just know it.

Police to Arrest Britt Reid Today [6 ABC]
Woman In Crash With Reid’s Son To Issue Statement [NBC 10]

No Driver Is Safe From Drug-Addicted Mormon Sons Of Andy Reid

Last night, not one but two Reid sons got into car accidents. Let’s recap it, charticle style:

• Garrett Reid, 24, allegedly sped through a red light in his SUV on Germantown Pike in Plymouth Meeting Township around 2:30 p.m., hitting a 55-year-old woman’s car. She was airlifted to the hospital. Police also said they found hypodermic needles on him, but no drugs.
• Meanwhile, 21-year-old Britt Reid was allegedly involved in a road rage incident with a “local carpenter” in his 20s. The carpenter told police they were giving each other the finger while driving down Matson Ford Road in West Conshohocken. At a stop light, the man told police, Reid got out, threatened him and flashed a gun before driving away.

Police, naturally, caught up with Britt Reid after meeting him at the site of Garrett Reid’s car accident.

Police: Needles Found In Andy Reid’s Son’s SUV After Accident [NBC 10]

Traffic On I-76 Somehow Gets Worse

Hey, are you just getting in? Then you didn’t take the Schuylkill this morning, or else you’d probably still be in Bala Cynywd right now. A crash between a tractor-trailer and (what else) and SUV snarled traffic on the Schuylkill, forcing everyone to get off at Route 202 and then into the King of Prussia Mall parking lot (probably).

Fortunately, no injuries were reported. Also fortunately, you weren’t on that road. Or you’re reading this via Blackberry.

Fiery Crash Slams Traffic On Schuylkill [NBC 10]
Traffic Alert: Overturned Truck, Car Fire on Schuylkill near Valley Forge Tolls [KYW 1060]

Precious, Precious Beer Spilled All Over Highway

Tuesday afternoon, the best thing ever in the history of the world happened.

That’s right: A tractor-trailer overturned and spilled cases of beer all over the Garden State Parkway.

Okay, so it appears to be mainly Miller Lite. Still: Awesome.

Rig Filled With Beer Overturns On Parkway Exit [NBC 10]