Heroes Try To Stop Stupid City Council Law

Okay, it’s time to write more about my new favorite people in this city: The ones suing the city for its new law requiring tour guide licensing.

They are simply on the attack with an all-out media blitz following up on Elmer Smith’s column yesterday. There is an op-ed from an Institute for Justice lawyer in the Inquirer and another in the Daily News from one of the tour guides suing.

The writing by the I4J’s Bob McNamara is full of typical unintentionally hilarious libertarian seriousness — “This is a direct assault on fundamental American freedoms” — but makes the argument pretty clear: The government is limiting who can talk on streetcorners by imposing requirements on what they can say with a tour guide test. That’s not the reason I gave for keeping tour guides unlicensed — they tell awesome lies like, “City Tavern is where the First Continental Congress met” — but it seems to make sense.

The city can probably institute optional “factually-certified™” tour guide registration or whatever, but can’t make it mandatory. Either way this shakes out, I’m totally looking into setting up a tour where you can be sure you won’t be told one accurate thing at all.

Also, since I’ve been laughing at awful Internet comments all week — I do this all the time, but I’ve been posting some of them the past couple days — this comment on the Daily News article is awesome.

ghost stories and anecdotes are a far cry from patently false or misleading information about historical events, which I believe is the main concern here. Statements made in the course of doing one’s job are not protected by the first amendment. If I sell hot dogs and I tell my customers my hot dogs will make them taller, I’m a liar and will be fired (or lose my customers). i have no recourse under the first amendment. Your efforts should be directed at making sure the law is implemented as fairly as possible, with everyone’s best interests in mind. If you try to have the law struck down with a free speech argument you will be wasting your time.

This is also awesome: “Mike Tait is a Philadelphia tour guide who is filing a lawsuit today against the city to secure his constitutional rights.”

Photo by waffler, Creative Commons license

Tour Guides Tell Hilarious Lies

Our city will soon face the long arm of the Tour Guide Gestapo, and for that we have City Councilwoman Blondell Reynolds Brown to thank. But we also have local historian Ron Avery, who testified in favor of the tour guide regulations that will brand all certified tour guides with flair.

He submitted to Heard in the Hall a list of 84 falsehoods he’s heard tour guides say, which is kind of a lot of work to do for tour guide regulation research. Do you think he’ll open a tour guide regulation test prep service?

Some of these lies are pretty awesome, and I submit we should pretend they are true anyway. Go forth, people, and spread these awesome tall tales!

• Trees were planted along streets so illiterate people would know the name of streets. So Pine Street was lined with pine trees etc.
• It’s called Society Hill because Penn gave it the Society of Freemasons.
• Dr. Rush responsible for death of George Washington. He bled him so much and gave him cough medicine with mercury.
• Ben Franklin had 80 illegitimate children all in Sweden.

More »

Tour Guide Regulation Moving Along

Exciting new tour guide regulation is closer than it has ever been. KYW 1060 reports local historian Ron Avery testified to City Council:

“Right now anybody can be a guide in Philadelphia… A test on those facts at least gives them the basics — so they’ll know that Betsy Ross did not sew half the uniforms for the American Revolution, as one guide told me.”

Oh. So will the tour guides be required to tell everyone the Betsy Ross story is a complete fabrication? Hopefully.

Also, the Inky’s Jeff Shields reports there’s still a little work to do on the bill: “Brown said the bill still has work to do — defining what exactly constitutes a tour operator, what types to exempt (such as foreign-language or out of town interpreters).” So, you know, a large majority of the bill. Unless the history tests are already written!

Tour Guides moves out of committee [Heard in the Hall]
History Tests May Soon Be Required for Philadelphia Tour Guides [KYW 1060]

Tales From The Crypt

Okay, I know some people really, really love their jobs, but John Hopkins — I’d go by Jonathan — really loves his work.

As a hoisting rig slowly removed the 1,200-pound ledger tombstone - cobwebs dangling from the marker’s ends - John Hopkins could barely contain his excitement today at the Christ Church Burial Ground. Hopkins is the church’s burial ground coordinator, and workmen were opening vaults in the church’s allee, a narrow section of the burial ground that contains 20 large vaults built in the early 19th century and the remains of numerous prominent Philadelphians interred in them.

As the stone rose higher - accompanied by a strong musty smell - Don Smith, executive director of the Christ Church Preservation Trust, exhorted onlookers: “Go ahead, be the first person to look inside for more than a hundred years.” Hopkins’ eyes lit up as he looked down into the 36-foot-deep, hand-dug brick vault.

“I see a skull right there!” he shouted.

No, no, it’s “Is this a skull I see before me?” Wait, I think I’m getting confused, too. But, hey, Mr. Hopkins is happy.

“I feel like I can give tours on a more personal basis now that I’ve been able to see into the graves of people I talk about every day,” he said.

Hmm. Maybe this is what Blondell Reynolds Brown was talking about when she championed tour guide regulation. How can we adequately ride the ducks if the drivers haven’t seen the crypts of our founding fathers?

19th-century vaults opened at Phila. cemetery [Inquirer]
March 29: City Council To Improve Citizens’ Lives Again