Sharks Vunerable To Excessive Heat

Since the infamous Tommy the Loan Shark-turned-Frank Keel press conference, there hasn’t been much of Tommy seen around the city.

Where has he been? Was Frank Keel really correct, and he’s a Pagan motorcycle gang member from South Jersey? Did he die? Did Tom Knox capture him?

Gar Joseph has all the answers.

The Shark does not speak, but his bullhorn-equipped sidekick, Jim Nixon, does. Nixon denied Keel’s accusations and called him a thug for John Dougherty, head of Local 98 of the electricians union, who’s leaning toward Knox.

Nixon claims to be a humble grad student who dogs Knox on his own, for free.

Keel is pretty scary, but we don’t think he’d scare a shark. So we called Nixon. Tommy the Loan Shark hasn’t been around “because he’s been busy with final exams,” Nixon said.

Hmm. Maybe the Pagan motorcycle gang takes classes at CCP or something. But there’s another reason, too. Nixon says it’s gotten hot enough that wearing the shark costume is pretty much impossible for whoever’s inside it. So there you have it: Tommy the Loan Shark is nowhere near as tough as the Phillie Phanatic.

Also in his article, Joseph writes about how John Street encouraged people to commit fraud, but whatever.

A shark or a minnow? [Daily News, 3rd item]

Harassment, A $500 Appearance Fee And Queena Bass: The Tommy The Loan Shark Press Conference

I’m not quite sure I can explain what just happened.

When Milton Street sang while draped over a coffin, it was clearly the zenith of civilization. It was, therefore, rather easy to write about it. (Plus, Jess Fuerst had video.)

The Tommy the Loan Shark press conference originally scheduled for yesterday was rescheduled for 1:00 today. Naturally, I went over, since I always like to keep up with the anthropomorphic mascot news. (Also, this blog needs a little diversity from Barbaro, Milton Street and Kerri-Lee Halkett.) But also there were a number of political reporters for major local media outlets, i.e. actual political reporters. Dave Davies! Bruce Gordon! KYW 1060! WHYY-FM! (To note: Josh Cornfield from Metro had a cover story about Tommy the Loan Shark (aka TLS) in the paper today.)

The political reporters knew what they were doing, though, since the presser ended up being the greatest press conference of all time (non-Milton Street/John Chaney division).

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Giant Mascot Holds Press Conference

An interesting press release arrived today from one Tommy the Loan Shark, who is holding a press conference outside City Hall at 1 p.m. today. Which means: Crap, I missed it.

Well that sorta screws up this post, doesn’t it? Oh well. Let’s just continue. I’m not quite sure how Tommy types with his little fins, but he does, apparently, go by “Tommie” now and not “Tommy.” Here’s the release (I especially dig the exclamation point after “PRESS RELEASE”):

—— Forwarded Message

From: Tommie Shark
Date: Wed, 25 Apr 2007 16:13:18 -0500
To: People
Subject: PRESS RELEASE: Press Conference at CITY HALL TOMORROW!

PRESS RELEASE!

FROM: TOMMIE THE LOAN SHARK

TO: ALL REPORTERS AND CITIZENS

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Police Called To Incident Involving Mascot

The confrontation we’ve been waiting since he made his debut on the mayoral scene earlier this month has finally taken place: Somebody from Tom Knox’s camp vs. Tommy the Loan Shark himself.

The confrontation took place yesterday, outside a NAACP mayoral forum. The shark’s partner (of course the shark has a partner), Jim Nixon, told the Daily News about his confrontation with Knox volunteer Michael Youngblood.

“He comes to me and says things like, ‘You’re in my neighborhood now, motherfucker I’ve messed up people tougher than you. I’ll crack your skull. I’ll shove that megaphone up your ass,’ ” Nixon said.

But Youngblood, who served time in prison for drug dealing and fraud last century, said the exchange went differently; it was Nixon, he said, who came after him. The police were called, because campaign volunteer-on-mascot violence clearly needs to be dealt with by a trained tactical squad. (The cops should stick to prosecuting mascots like Grump.)

Other witnesses said they saw Youngblood yelling at Nixon and moving toward him “in a very menacing, threatening manner,” but no charges were filed against anyone. Well, actually, the humor police filed charges against Tom Knox:

“Even though I have to leave early, I hope when it’s over you’ll all enjoy a nice fish fry,” Knox said. “There’s one outside.” Before leaving, Knox said, “And I hope you have that fish fry when you leave.”

A lesson to all: This is what you sound like when you try to make jokes without watching Gilligan’s Island or reading for pleasure.

‘Shark’ pal, Knox aide square off [Daily News]
Feb. 20: Tom Knox Unaware Of Significance Of A Three Hour Tour, A Three Hour Tour
April 4: Copyright-Infringing Mascot Arrested In Sex Sting
Archives: Tommy the Loan Shark

Breaking: Whoever Is Doing ‘Tommy The Loan Shark’ Has Lamer Jokes Than Philadelphia Will Do

Ha ha! Invented the Internet! Just like Al Gore… didn’t say. But whatever. Wokka wokka wokka!

A note: Whooping cough is the money disease to use in a joke. I do like the translucent word bubbles, though. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that in a comic strip before.

Tommy the Loan Shark

Tommy The Loan Shark: Philly Voters Are Stupid!

Oh ho ho! Tommy the Loan Shark isn’t just a character on street corners anymore!

You got it. Like every other good American, Tommy the Loan Shark now has a blog. He’s also growing up, apparently since he now apparently goes by “Tom the Loan Shark.”

Apparently, Tommy won’t be writing much on the blog, being that fins are awful hard to hit a keyboard with. He does have a description, that includes this sentence: “I decided to forego the traditional philanthropist route and give millions of dollars to a group of truly deserving Philadelphians: TV station executives. I am spending $500,000 a week to keep these brave men and women off the streets.” Ha ha! Get it! Tom Knox is bad for… ah… spending his money how he wants to!

But he has appeared in two comic strips so far. The first shows Tommy in front of a “LOAN” statue a la the LOVE statue — ho ho! — and basically goes like this: “Will your PAYDAY LENDING be an issue in the campaign?” “No.” Seriously.

The second strip, reproduced at right, calls all Philadelphia voters idiots for wanting free spaghetti dinners and thinking they might want to vote for the guy who gives them free spaghetti dinners. Or maybe it’s a press conference and it’s attacking the media, who also like free dinners.

Either way, I don’t see how this plan could really fail to stop Tom Knox.

Tom the Loan Shark
Tommy gets a website [Fight for Room 215]

First Video Of Tommy The Loan Shark In Action

Scientists announced today they have captured the first known video of Tommy the Loan Shark, the creature that has been terrorizing Tom Knox since April 4. One of the rarest of species, scientists hope to be able to analyze this video and find new clues about loan sharks in the coming weeks. This video confirms, apparently, the species does exist. Maybe we can catch it again sometime.

Tommy the Shark at Temple University [YouTube]
April 4: Nastiness Begins In Mayor’s Race
April 11: Milton Takes On Fort Knox

Nastiness Begins In Mayor’s Race

Meet Tommy the Loan Shark. No, it’s not the Camden Riversharks’ Finley or Shark McGwire, this is a brand new mascot. (Presumably, he’s not a pervert.)

No, Tommy the Loan Shark is an attack by random people without any affiliation to anyone in any other mayoral hopeful’s camp bashing Tom Knox for payday loans a bank he owned made around the turn of the millennium.

Knox’s Crusader Bank gave out high-interest loans before the FDIC told them to cease the practice. And if you total it all up, the interest was 400 percent, which is on the back of the shirt Tommy the Loan Shark is wearing. (Head over to Metro’s Fight for Room 215 to see that.)

Although Knox says it was the right decision to end the practice, he does defend the loans as a boon to struggling poor people. Metro says a source — we are all about these today, aren’t we? — said Tommy is connected to the Bob Brady campaign. Brady spokeswoman Kate Philips denies it, but does say: “It sounds pretty damn clever, though.” Because there’s nothing more clever than a giant shark mascot.

Shark attack [Fight For Room 215]