The Onion’s Final Election Word

Respected Paper Mentions Our Hamlet

Hey, Philly’s in a new Onion piece, one you will be forwarding around to your local friends in just a few minutes. (Just share it on Google Reader already, people.)

It’s titled “Stolen Tour Bus Leads Police On Chase Of Historic Downtown Philadelphia.” Not bad, couple good references of downtown Philly — though it needs more incorrect facts! — ending with the ubiquitous cheesesteek reference. But, what, no Rocky? That would have really sold it.

Stolen Tour Bus Leads Police On Chase Of Historic Downtown Philadelphia [The Onion]

Comments Are Back; Ron Paul Returns!

Hey, now that the comments are back, might as well quote The Onion on Ron Paul:

One assassin told pollsters that he is still hopeful that Congressman Ron Paul (R-TX) will be elected in November. However, even if Paul fails to win the presidency, the respondent fully intends to carry out his plans to stab Paul to death in December.

Ha ha! Get ready, Onion, for the inevitable hate mail and online columns denouncing you.

The Onion For The Win

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Exactly one year to the day after Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro was tragically taken from us before his time, an apparition of the beloved racehorse appeared in the morning sky to teach Americans from all walks of life about the true meaning of Barbaro Day.

The awestruck populace listened in rapt attention to the words of the great horse’s spirit as he urged the people to remove their metaphorical blinders and open their eyes to the world around them; to never put too much weight on their sesamoid and long pastern bones; and to remember that Barbaro Day is not just the day that Barbaro died, but the day that human beings learned to put their differences aside and treat one another as they would want a 1,200-pound racehorse to be treated.

Ghost Of Barbaro Appears To Teach Nation True Meaning Of Barbaro Day [The Onion]

And Speaking Of The Onion

Eagles Fans Give McNabb Three-Week Deadline To Win Super Bowl

Contest: Real Or ‘The Onion’?

Oh, I think you know this one.

Sign Language Teacher Sentenced For Deaf Man Rape [AP/CBS 3]

Area Radio Station Runs Headline

KYW 1060, today:

Hmm… if you’re worried, try and get yourself attached to the following headline. The Onion, April 21, 1999:

Area Man Doesn’t Look Jewish [The Onion]
Area Jewish Organizations Worried About Mideast Backlash [KYW 1060]