The Bulletin’s Rooting Interests

With the bankruptcy of the parent company of the Inquirer and Daily News, perhaps we can turn to The Bulletin for unbiased news of the events o’ the day.

As you might have guessed, that full quote from the bankruptcy filing would be, “Without access to cash collateral, the debtors will not be able to maintain their business operations and continue their restructuring efforts, and would likely be forced to cease to operate.” (Tierneycorp is asking a court to allow the company access to the cash collateral Citizens Bank has, saying without it they’d have to close. Aren’t bankruptcy filings exciting, kids?!)

A minor point, but, yes: The headline infers the papers are likely to close, the actual quote does no such thing. Today’s article runs with that the-papers-are-closing again, saying “Two Weeks Of Operations Assured As Negotiations Continue.” There’s certainly a chance the papers will simply close, but I’d bet strong money against it.

Be sure to also check out two opinion columns today, one titled “We’re Losing Our Country, But What Can We Do? and another Herb Denenberg piece which calls the majority party right now the “Democratic Party of retreat and defeat, anti-military and anti-family values.”

Herb Denenberg, Media Expert

Things were good for Bulletin columnist Herb Denenberg back in 2005. Bush was president, the war was still semi-popular (I guess) and the economy only mildly stunk. As such, the former consumer reporter spent most of his columns writing about squirrels in attics and the many different kinds of beetles.

Things are different in 2009. Some dude named Obama is president, the Phillies are reigning World Champions and the economy really, really stinks. As such, Herb Denenberg has used his recent columns to relentlessly bash Barack Obama, Democrats and the like. He spends about half of his sentences whining about how awful the good ol’ United States of America is, and the other half telling certain people (Democrats, Obama, the news media, Hollywood, college professors, etc.) to leave America because they hate it. I believe this is the time we can actually use the word “ironic” without fear of using it wrong. So, yes: Ironic!

The media has received the brunt of his ire recently, including a recent column on the Philadelphia magazine piece about the Inquirer. While he does come up with, um, a great new slogan for the Inky (”In Philadelphia, nearly everyone hates the Inquirer”) he also takes shots at Phillymag as well.

Any summary of this part of the column would not do it justice, so let’s just blockquote it out:

He misses something else, which suggests even after conducting 100 interviews, he is not in touch with the Philadelphia scene. He notes that Brian Tierney is the co-owner, publisher and CEO of this “city’s newspapers.” I’ve got news for Mr. Volk and Philadelphia Magazine. The Philadelphia Inquirer and Philadelphia Daily News are not this “city’s newspapers” as if they were the only ones. For over four years, there happens to be another daily, The Bulletin, and there happens to be many strong weeklies. And there’s the Metro, another daily, certainly worthy of note. Mr. Volk notes that the Inquirer is surrounded by a strong ring of suburban papers, and hence have no room to expand. But he should note that it faces competition from two other dailies, which are also taking a significant number of readers away from the Inquirer. As the Inquirer contracts, the Bulletin expands. As they say, that’s just one more nail in the Inquirer coffin.

Apparently the exhaustive research of the Philadelphia Magazine failed to uncover the existence of the Bulletin. The best daily in America, the Wall Street Journal, is aware of the Bulletin, obviously reads it, and recently quoted it in one of its editorials. [...] Later, the editorial, in discussing all the new competition eating away at the Inquirer, noted, “Smaller papers like the Bulletin are also working hard to reach a larger audience.”

If the best paper in the land can find and quote the Bulletin, something is radically wrong when Philadelphia Magazine, in an article on the very subject of the Philadelphia newspaper scene, seems to be clueless on what’s going on in its own market.

I think that could be a new slogan for the Bulletin: “Read by the Wall Street Journal!”

What’s Wrong With Newspapers And The Pundits Who Write About Them [The Bulletin]

FILL IN HEADLINE

The opening sentence of Frank Diamond’s column in today’s Bulletin:

“First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes FILL IN EIGHT NAMES in baby carriages.”

This is why you never put placeholder words when laying out a page. Sometimes, it will make its way into the paper.

Update, 3:30 p.m.: Frank Diamond himself (!) emails in and says the opening was an intentional joke. I’ll take him at his word. Apologies if anyone shorted their Bulletin stock after reading this post.

Dr. Love Delivers Octuplets Advice [The Bulletin]

Breaking Martin Luther News

I missed this yesterday, but here’s the top of yesterday’s Bulletin:

Holy Protestantism, Batman!

Sad ‘Bulletin’

Check this out: The Bulletin’s front page today is all about Barack Obama’s secret Kenyan birth (or whatever), and how the Supreme Court isn’t going to listen to the truth. More importantly, there’s now a convenient full coverage archive that features hilarious quotes about Barack Obama like, “This is the first time in the history of our government that an unqualified person has run for the office of president.” You can almost hear the rimshot.

Predictable ‘Bulletin’ Headline Predictably Mocked

Yes, this is so obvious I wasn’t even going to post it. But, front and center, front of the website and presumably the paper, it deserves a post. Also, you will all be happy to know that The Bulletin is still harping on Obama’s birth certificate, in the hope that he is ineligible to be president. I’m pretty sure they’d give that guy Obama ran against, the one born in Panama, the same treatment.

Here’s a quote, in case you need documentation as to its seriousness:

The lawsuits that have been filed over this issue need to be answered. This issue will not be going away. The longer a resolution is delayed, the worse the consequences to our nation. The consequences would already be cataclysmic. National security, the economy, and our reputation in the world would all be drastically impacted in a very negative way.

Indeed.

This Is My Favorite ‘Bulletin’ Headline Today

No, wait! It’s totally this one:

Gay Awareness Promoted In Local Schools [The Bulletin]
Democrat Leader Claims Capitol Tourists Are Smelly [The Bulletin]

Politician Finds Actual Rocky Statue

Yes, the Bulletin is still fighting the Barnes Foundation move; today the paper writes about Pennsylvania attorney general candidate John Morganelli promises to fight the move if elected. The Bulletin wants the Barnes to stay so much they put a Democrat on the front (!).

Anyway, apparently it is possible to get a real-looking statue of Rocky for your campaign event. Hear that, Michael Untermeyer?

Editor’s Note: Of course, by “actual,” I mean “cardboard.”

Keeping The Fight Going [The Bulletin]

‘Bulletin’ Identifies New Mental Illness

Bulletin columnist Herb Denenberg has a column today that’s awesomely titled Liberal Media Downplays Threat Of Terrorism To Elect Democrats, and by the fourth paragraph he’s in full amazing mode.

Still another is the anti-American, blame-America-first bias of the mainstream media. This tendency knows no end as recently demonstrated by a Philadelphia Inquirer column that should get the Pulitzer Prize for Stupidity. This column took the position we should hang our heads in shame on July 4th rather than celebrate it, and it should become a day of atonement instead of a day of celebration of the greatest nation in the history of the world. But I know the columnist and don’t blame him. He suffers from the mental disease described by the great historian Paul Johnson - anti-Americanism. And he represents the tendencies of the mainstream, liberal media.

He’s talking about this column last week by Chris Satullo, which is superbly non-controversial but made Rush Limbaugh angry. (I’m not sure why we can safely ignore the even-more-popular American Idol’s political opinions and not Rush Limbaugh.) This response is also pretty hilarious.

Anyway, sorry to hear you’re mentally ill, Chris Satullo. Maybe with Obama’s evil free medicine (how dare he not really even propose that!) you can get some treatment for your anti-Americanism, which I believe will also be in the new DSM.

Liberal Media Downplays Threat Of Terrorism To Elect Democrats [The Bulletin]

Denenberg Takes On The Critics

Bulletin columnist Herb Denenberg has been answering readers’ questions about DeLoreans, when to wash your car and whether a truck driver can get in trouble for drug possession for almost three years now.

He also frequently opines about how Barack Obama is a horrible presidential candidate, how Steven Spielberg is evil and the divide between patriots and America haters.

And, today, he does them both at the same time:

Question: I simply don’t understand how Herb Denenberg’s drivel counts as responsible journalism. In his haste to attack anyone that has the audacity to disagree with him, he simply levels unsubstantiated charges against them. Furthermore, his claims that he is railing against the ‘dishonest and biased’ media makes me question his own objectivity. Should we accept Herb as being the bastion of disinterested reporting? Why are his statements - peppered with the name calling - more objective and fairer than other forms of press? I read his column simply to laugh, but never to take it seriously. If The Bulletin really wants to improve their quality, don’t you think you should get rid of him?

More »