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Roger Ebert Predicts Apocalypse

Hey, Roger Ebert, consensus #1 film critic, author of classic reviews of North and Jack Frost, how’s life been treating you?

Oh, I see you’ve answered with a blog post titled Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold. I’m down with the W.B. “Mason” Yeats, man. I knew you had good taste. Let’s see what you got for us in the post:

It’s all coming to pieces, isn’t it — the world we live in, the continuity we thought we could count on, the climate, the economy, the fragile peace. The 20th century was called “the American Century,” with some reason. I do not believe the 21st century will belong to anybody, and it may not last for 100 years of human witness. There are nuclear weapons in the Middle East and on the Indian subcontinent, and if one is used, more will follow and who can say when the devastation will end?

Um, yeah, I mean, I guess you could look at it that way if you want to be the “half-empty” kind of guy. But it’s only a few days after Christmas and the Eagles just unexpectedly made the playoffs, and I dunno, I don’t really want to have a downer of a conversation.

The weather is unhinged. It is no longer a question of global warming. It is a question of what in the hell is happening? I do not have to rehearse for you the details of this horrible American autumn, and a winter not yet half over. The tornadoes, the hurricanes, the floods, the blizzards, the wild fires, the heat waves, the water shortages, the power blackouts. The White House declares “a state of emergency” and the federal government sends money. How many states of emergency are we still in? How much more money is there?

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Starbucks To Harass Philadelphians With Fake Coffee Cup Disasters

120508starbucks.jpg Press release received earlier today:

This holiday season Starbucks and Zipcar are teaming up to reward good Samaritans in Philadelphia. Zipcar will be driving around the City with life size magnetic versions of Starbucks signature red holiday cups attached to their roofs. When individuals stop to warn the drives about their coffee cup, drivers will then reward that person with a free Starbucks gift card.

If you have any further questions, please let me know.

Um, yes, I have a question: What the hell??

Here is a suggestion: Anyone who sees these should simply grab the coffee cup off the roof and run away. (If it’s possible.)