Texting Teens Ravaging Interstates

Like, ohmigod! So, yesterday, the Inquirer, like, totally ran a story about how me and my friends text while driving. How ridic, right?

The only thing is, it was all about how we shouldn’t be texting each other while we’re driving, and, like, how dangerous it is? Only me and Courtney never got in any accidents! Why are they allowed to print stuff like that?

They even talked to some dude at a college? Like, a professor or something? And they said he was a “texting expert”! Only, he was kind of on our side! He said, like, it’s unfair to take away our texting while we’re driving because we do it so much! He went something like, “Asking students to be without one of their primary forms of communication while en route in cars is asking too much of them.”

But, then, like, the writer? Went something like, “Maybe, but shouldn’t someone at least be telling them that it’s not the safest way to conduct a life?” Like, ohmigod, let me live my life, you know what I’m sayin’? Like, I can text while driving, I know all the words I need to hit in T9!

And then, they talked to some other guy, right? And he said that it was kids on the Main Line who did it the most! Why do they always have to blame the Main Line kids? I mean, it’s not like the blow they do in Bloomsdale is any different than the blow we do here! Like, ohmigod! Oh, by the way, can you hook me up, I’m all out? Oh, great!

Yea, whatever! Because I mean, like, totally, full out! And I’m, like, totally getting tired of writing this way, but I don’t want to give up the (awful) joke now! There are still more quotes to, like, make fun of! And, like, the writer, like, talked to this girl, who said she texts and hasn’t gotten in any accidents!

And she said: “We’re just a fast-paced generation. I can eat a McDonald’s meal in 30 seconds. I text while I drive to make plans with friends, or to tell my friends about someone I met the night before, or to occupy my mind if nothing good is on the radio. I can’t help but respond right away if I get a text. I don’t like waiting. The world today is going fast.”

Like, right? I mean, just yesterday I was in an eating contest and I ate a whole McDonald’s meal in 25 seconds! Ohmigod! Oh, hold on, I have another call.—click—Yeah, of course I want to go see Fall Out Boy, Brandon! I gotta go, alright!—click—But then some “expert” said that if we even talk on the phone while driving we could crash! But what if there’s somebody in the seat next to us? I’m, like, not going to, like, not talk! He even said we could get charged with a “serious offense” if we cause a crash!

Oh, you gotta go? Alright. Like, I’ll text you about it later!

Behind the wheel, teens typing away [Inquirer]
[Image by sean dreilinger, licensed via Creative Commons]