Naked Teen Also Has Slits In Side Of Thighs

Yesterday, a teen boy — who just so happened to be naked, a la the slippery guy from that famous Philadelphia COPS episode — accidentally shot himself. Whoops!

Here’s what happened: The 17-year-old was screwing a 14-year-old girl when three of the girl’s cousins came into the house. Somehow, the boy didn’t make all his fantasies come true — well, if the cousins were girls, I dunno — and got into an argument with the three cousins. Then came, uh, the part I don’t quite get.

The situation came to a head when the naked boy retrieved a handgun from his pants nearby. “He waved it around and said, ‘I should shoot all three of you,’ ” said Lt. John Walker, of Southwest Detectives.

But the false bravado didn’t serve the teen well. “He subsequently attempted to put the weapon back into his pocket, pulled the trigger and shot himself in the leg,” Walker said.

Now… did he put his pants back on? Did he attempt to put the gun back in the pants on the back of a chair or whereever? Did he attempt to put the gun back into the pants that weren’t on his leg? Details, people, details.

Oh, this story also has a premature ejaculation joke about a 17-year-old, so at least that part of the it is accurate.

Naked teen: ‘I should shoot . . . you’ [Daily News]

Kids Nowadays With Their Parties And Their Alcohol

I’ll just say: I think for some people it wasn’t marring it.

Alcohol marring teen night at boardwalk [Camden Courier-Post]

Keystone Cops: Drug War Addicts

Keystone Cops is a look at police, crime, drug and public safety news.

• The Daily News has a big drugs package today. There’s David Gambacorta’s story about how futile the War on Drugs is — okay, it reads like that unintentionally — and Simone Weichselbaum’s story of Mickey the crack dealer, who made tons o’money selling drugs but ended up getting busted. [Daily News]

• Meanwhile, in Cherry Hill, the war on sex offenders bans one man from living in the township altogether, pretty much, and he’s at a low risk of re-offending, etc. It’s one of those laws meant to protect the public, and it screws people who were convicted of a crime even if they’ve served a sentence. C.H.’s response is nice, though: “They should blame themselves and not elected officials who are trying to protect the community.” Thanks, Cherry Hill Councilman Frank Falcone! [Camden Courier-Post]

• The number five story of the year from the Doylestown Intelligencer: Doylestown Borough’s crackdown on teens. “I’m not declaring victory yet, but it’s been pretty good lately,” Police Chief James Donnelly. Another unwinnable war. [Doylestown Intelligencer]

• Murder count climbs at year end: We’re at 403 now. [Daily News]