Sex Is Weird In Western Pennsylvania

We all think that female teachers having sex with students is a bad thing. (Even NAMBLA.) But adult males remember their ridiculously attractive seventh grade homeroom teacher and are, well, jealous. And so it’s not viewed by some people as that much of a problem, or as bad of a problem as male teacher-female student hookups. Is this detrimental to society? I certainly don’t know, and I definitely don’t care. And I definitely had cute homeroom teachers in sixth and seventh grade, so let me just join the chorus: Hot!

Today’s teacher-student sex story is out in suburban Pittsburgh, where cops say a 26-year-old at Moon Area High School (Ha!) exchanged nude photos with a freshman and may have had sexual contact with him! (Sorry she’s not skinnier.) The boy didn’t stab the teacher in the back like so many times; his parents found suggestive text messages and the teacher, Beth Ann Chester, resigned blah blah blah you know how this goes.

Meanwhile, in Westmoreland County, a cuckolded man sent his wife’s lover a severed cow’s head and has been sentenced to probation. His lawyer gives the quote of the year so far, saying that Jason Michael Fife “understands that in a civilized society a person cannot send a severed cow’s head to anybody.”