Nothing Stops The Baby Boomers!

Yo, somebody stop him before he kills himself! Sylvester Stallone is considering more Rocky and Rambo sequels. He’s signed a two-picture deal for action movies, and they just might be based around the same character he plays in every movie. Oh, wait, they are definitely going to have that. One just might have John Rambo and the other might have Rocky Balboa.

Rocky, the more intellectual of Stallone’s two flagship franchises, got a largely positive reaction when it returned to the screen after returning to the screen in 2006. Stallone was so shocked he went out and made a new Rambo movie, which managed to lose to Meet the Spartans at the box office.

But, hey, whatever. How could he even make a seventh Rocky movie? I assume John Rambo could just indiscriminately kill tons of bad guys, but who is Rocky gonna fight?

In possibly related news, Stallone is also working on a remake of Death Wish.

New Rambo Poster: Uh, I Actually Like It

I had to ride the El to Kensington for a story, and this poster is at the Spring Garden stop.

We are less than two months away. Also, apparently the movie’s now just called Rambo. Guess Stallone didn’t want to do the same exact thing once again. I dunno; I think John Rambo was fine. It’s not like Rocky punched anybody’s head off in Rocky Balboa.

‘Rambo’ To Take Down Military Junta By Himself

Those of us who have been following the horrible situation in Burma have been asking just one question when watching scenes of protests: When will John Rambo weigh in on this situation?

Well, fear not, fellow world news watchers! Sylvester Stallone has weighed in on the Burma situation, which he encountered while filming the fourth movie in the Rambo series, John Rambo. (Yeah. It’s the same thing as Rocky Balboa. Whatevs.) Well, okay, Stallone left before a majority of the 2007 protests, but he says the government in Burma needs to go.

“I witnessed the aftermath - survivors with legs cut off and all kinds of land mine injuries, maggot-infested wounds and ears cut off. We saw many elephants with blown off legs. We hear about Vietnam and Cambodia and this was more horrific,” Stallone told The Associated Press in a telephone interview Monday.

Stallone returned eight days ago from shooting “John Rambo,” the fourth movie in the action series, on the Salween River separating Thailand and Myanmar, the Southeast Asian nation formerly known as Burma.

“This is a hellhole beyond your wildest dreams,” Stallone said. “All the trails are mined. The only way into Burma is up the river.”

He says he wants the movie to get an R rating in order to draw attention to the situation in Burma. I’m not quite sure that will really be all that hard to do — just show smoking or say the word “fuck” — but he plans to bringing Burmese in front of the MPAA so he gets an R. (Or maybe he doesn’t want an NC-17 rating?)

Uhh, okay Sly, whatever you want. I am still so pumped for this movie, so I can see Stallone cut people’s heads off.

Stallone Sees Myanmar Aftermath, Calls It ‘Hellhole’ [AP/NBC 10]

Rambo Would Totally Beat Mason Dixon

Fresh off the success of Rocky Balboa, sometime next year Sylvester Stallone will star in Rambo IV — er — John Rambo. (Hey, it even follows the same naming convention!)

In the film, John Rambo has chosen to live a simple existence in Bangkok, where he extracts scrap metal from old PT boats. But then, a fictional SportsCenter tournament shows Rambo defeating Rocky Balboa in the finals of a match to determine the greatest heavyweight of all time. Rambo receives a challenge from — er, wait. I seem to have gotten some movies confused here.

In the film, Rambo does search for scrap metal in Bangkok, where he — oh, whatever, you just want to see some over-the-top violence and blood-and-guts, don’t you? Here’s the promo footage Ain’t It Cool News snagged:

It’s probably a good thing Rocky isn’t fighting Rambo, because as you can see at the 2:06 mark, Rambo can take someone’s head off with a single sucker punch. Must be all the human growth hormone.

3 Minutes & 29 Seconds… This is it! AICN scored the motherfucking premiere footage of JOHN RAMBO! This ain’t PG13, NO-WAY! [Ain't It Ridiculous Headlines]
‘Rocky’ fined on hormone charge [AP/CNN.com]

Rocky To Forfeit Championship Belt?

Okay, guys. I know this is going to be some earth-shattering news. It might make you not believe much in the film industry anymore. It might be tearing down one of your heroes. It might make you think that nothing is sacred anymore.

A 60-year-old man who played a muscular boxer in a recent film has been officially charged in Australia with trying to bring vials of human growth hormone into the country.

Yes, Sylvester Stallone and his entourage were stopped entering the country on Feb. 16, where customs officials confiscated items after searching his bags. They searched a hotel room three days later and took more items, which, ah, well. Smart move there, Sylvester.

Prosecutors said they found 48 vials of HGH with Sly. He faces up to five years in prison and a fine of $86,000 if convicted. His lawyers will have to enter a plea on April 24.

The article notes, though: “Stallone isn’t likely to receive such a sentence.” Gee, you think?

Stallone Charged With Banned Substance [AP/NBC 10]

Reason #23 To Love Philadelphia: All The Stars At The ‘Rocky Balboa’ Premiere

Last night was the premiere of Rocky Balboa, the sixth and hopefully last in the Rocky franchise. The movie’s debut at the Prince Music Theater snarled traffic on Chestnut Street, had legions of fans (no, really) and saw all the stars come out.

Well, okay, it had Sylvester Stallone and his brother Frank, and Burt Young. And after that, who’s next in the Inquirer’s online photo gallery? Yes, at right, that’s Inquirer photographer Tom Gralish and writer Mike Vitez (with Vitez’s wife, food editor Maureen Fitzgerald). And Vitez appears to be holding a copy of the book he and Gralish did about the Art Museum steps, of course!

Wow, all the stars were out!

Blaze of glory for a local hero [Inquirer]

Stallone’s Underdog Tale: As Fake As The Rocky Statue?

Hey, remember that old story about how Sylvester Stallone walked into the United Artists’ offices and demanded they buy his script and let him star in the film? And how he only got $18,000?

Bullshit, says a report by Alex Ben Block.

Hollywood Today is reporting that the “underdog” tale of the actor’s office-storming, $18,000 payment and related Rocky-like tales to the press was just a PR stunt:

“We came up with a tremendous publicity campaign,” recalled Gabe Sumner, then head of marketing at UA. “It was about how this unknown guy named Sylvester Stallone walked into our office with a script and the company was prepared to buy the script, but Stallone said, ‘I’m not going to sell it to you unless I star in the film.’ And we (supposedly) said, ‘No way.’ And he said, ‘Well, you can’t have the script.’ And we said, ‘We will give you $18,000.’ And that was the figure we used. And a deal was made and Stallone could star in this film which he wrote. And he got all of $18,000. Now is this true? It was horseshit! But it worked. It promoted the whole underdog concept and kept on going.”

“I don’t have to tell you how the press feeds on the underdog story,” said Sumner. “It filled up space on entertainment pages, and in columns looking for something for the next day. They ate up the idea that this actor loved his work so much, and was willing to sell it for a nickel and a dime in order to make it, blah, blah, blah. It all became part of the underdog fabric that brought people in. Period. They just totally bought into it.”

Representatives for Stallone said on Wednesday, “We stand by Sylvester Stallone’s story as the accurate truth.”

Rocky, the report says, actually went into production without anyone at United Artists meeting Sly Stallone. This shocking truth that a PR flack might say something untrue will no doubt cause many Rocky series fans to go into convulsions.

The Untold Story: “Rocky” Underdog Origin a Studio Myth [Hollywood Today via Defamer]
Photo by hardillb, licensed via Creative Commons

Leftovers: Mannequin From, Uh, ‘Mannequin’ To Head To Be Donated Later This Week

• Sly Stallone donated some Rocky memorabilia to the Smithsonian yesterday. D.C. hipsters seething on their blogs as we speak. [AP/Metro]

• Lincoln University’s athletic director has apologized for his school’s 201-78 win over Ohio State-Marion, and apparently lectured the coaches, too, though as of last night no coaches had been lectured. [Inquirer]

• It’s not just Cherry Hill that’s fighting the War on Smut! Two Burlington strip clubs are suing the township over new laws that bar them from doing pretty much everything. Cue the “But we’re saving the children!” reference. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• The City Controller’s office says that police buildings are substandard. KYW 1060’s Steve Tawa reports the controller had photos showing “showing walls in imminent danger of collapse, basement fire exits blocked by grates, pipes and wire mesh, and prison holding cells beyond filthy.” Oh, goodie. [KYW 1060]

• Oh, and the mayor of Lake Como, N.J., is going to ask Kuwait if the Arab nation will build a $4 million police station for the town. Guh-wah? [AP/NBC 10]

Stallone Lets Us Know Which Casino To Oppose

Today is the second of three days of hearings in Harrisburg to see which neighborhood of the city will be granted the super awesome chance to have a money-sucking building put in it. And, hey! Also this week the first Pennsylvania casino opened, Mohegan Sun at Pocono Downs near Wilkes-Barre.

Yes, it’s Casino Hearing Week™ here on Wheel, and the stars are out in full force of their proposal. You’ll remember that almost all the five casino bidders have a celebrity attached to the bid. This is in hopes that the rubes in Harrisburg go, “Ooh, Donald Trump! From the TV!” and give him a Nicetown casino.

And, as such, Sylvester Stallone was nice enough to make a videotaped appearance for the casino board:

“And if a gaming license is given to Riverwalk casino, I plan to visit often. As a matter of fact, I plan to buy a house in that area.”

Holy shit. Sylvester Stallone, resident of Philadelphia! Voting for Bob Brady! Paying the city wage tax! Going to Johnny Brendas to see Chin Up Chin Up! Pissing in the pay toilet! This, my friends, is a development to be watched. And, if the Riverwalk casino is chosen, something to hold Sly Stallone to.

Hearings Continue for Slots Licenses in Philadelphia [KYW 1060]

Leftovers: Frank Stallone To Make Appearance For Adoring Fans

• Sylvester Stallone has the power to overrule art lovers, defeat evil communists and, indeed, altering traffic patterns and PennDot work schedules for the dedication. And he was able to convince his brother Frank to put aside the other events in his busy schedule and come to the statue dedication! [Inky]

• Headline in the Courier-Post: “Racial slur reflects problem of bigotry.” Oh, really? [Courier-Post]

• Frank DiCiccio and Jim Kenney have set up a website to protest the city not being able to have any say in the zoning of slots parlors. Of course, you can’t edit the letter that they want you to send, because, you see, this is about Frank DiCiccio and Jim Kenney, not you worthless serfs. [KYW 1060]