New Mascot To Cure World Hunger

Swarthmore College is not really known for its athletic teams, and so the school has been a little late in getting a mascot to cheer on the school.

But now that they’ve come up with one — a Phoenix — they have a whole team of students to be it! Cue the super-peppy press release quote: “We’ve really found a very talented group of people who will be highly motivated to promote the mascot and Swarthmore pride!”

The Phoenix, the release says, will not only cheer on the team at sporting events but “is also expected to support philanthropic efforts in the broader community.” Nothing brings out the big donors like a giant flaming bird, let me tell you. (I know from experience: My high school’s nickname was the Firebirds.)

As you can see from the attached graphic, the Phoenix mascot is not just rooted in the mystical bird rising from the ashes, but also the Fonz.

Swarthmore Down, Bryn Mawr To Go

And here I didn’t even know they had a problem.

Swarthmore officially kicks Coke [The Phoenix]