Poll To End All Poles

What?! I wanted to answer Lech Walesa. Lame, Philly.com. Lame.

But we all know what won this poll, though, don’t we?

In a landslide, even.

Wawa + Fighting Strippers = Genius

Ha ha, so three strippers got into a fight at a Wawa in the suburbs in the most awesomest story ever:

Police said Katrina Maslakova, 21, of the 400 block of Eighth Street in Lansdale, was cited for public drunkenness and released to a relative. The other two women involved were not charged, police said. According to Chief Chris Engelhart, a physical fight broke out among the women while they were in their car on the way to the Wawa.

Inside the convenience store, an argument erupted again, with all three screaming at one another.

Store employees called police to break it up. “It was probably a stupid thing they were fighting about,” Engelhart said. “They were all drunk, so it doesn’t really even matter what it was about.”

The first officers to arrive on the scene requested backup to help them break up the fight. Engelhart wasn’t sure how the officers knew they were strippers or which establishment they were from.

This is what we’re losing with the closing of Important Wawa Locations. Stripper fights! I can only assume they were fighting over the last bottle of Dr. Zip.

Strippers cause fracas in Hilltown Wawa [Intelligencer]

The Duke Boys Aren’t Innocent After All

Gregory Sullivan is, apparently, a lawyer in Bucks County. He’s also an occasional columnist for The Evening Bulletin. And he wrote this paragraph in yesterday’s paper with 100 percent seriousness in a column about how college is bullshit or something.

The Duke University case is viewed, correctly, as a thwarted railroading of the students by an unscrupulous prosecutor. The students are understandably relieved to be cleared of the false charges. They are seen as victims in this matter, which is what they are. But the legal vindication of the students is one thing. Duke should now throw them out of the university for hiring a stripper.

The Bulletin: Just when you think they’ll zig, they ZAG!

Recent Incidents Mean It’s Time To Rethink College [The Evening Bulletin]

Leftovers: Boulevard Brouhaha

• City Council debated on how to fix Roosevelt Boulevard yesterday, and Brian O’Neill wants to shut the middle six lanes entirely. I guess the theory is, if traffic’s bumper-to-bumper all day, nobody can drive fast enough to hurt any pedestrians too bad. (The Daily News has a little more.) [Inquirer]

• The Daily News‘ David Gambacorta has more on Larry McGuigan, who shot a dancer in a strip club and then himself. The stripper, Harmony, is expected to make a full recovery. [Daily News]

• Camden’s principal was suspended (with pay, natch) over allegations he influenced grades for players on Camden’s 7-3, playoff-qualifyin’ football team. A student’s grandfather on a meeting he had with principal Al Davis: “He just kept chewing tobacco and wouldn’t listen to me.” [Camden Courier-Post]

• The Philly Park casino has no idea when it’s opening. [Bucks County Courier Times]

Dan Gross Leaves Us In Suspense For Whole ¶ Break

Dan Gross made us a little worried after this first paragraph today:

Mary Carey, the porn star turned politician, is currently embroiled in a legal controversy with singer Mariah Carey, who says Mary’s name is too similar to hers and may cause confusion.

Oh no! Will she still be coming to Philadelphia to strip?

But Mary’s not letting her legal woes keep her away from Philadelphia.

Phew. Don’t make my heart jump like that anymore, please, Dan.

Dan Gross | Mary, Mariah: Carey-ing on [Daily News]

Leftovers: Goodbye, Olympic Bid

• Breaking: Philly dropped from Olympic contention. Shocker, we know. Houston also dropped. Details TK. Update: Here are the aforementioned details from KYW 1060 and the Inky.

• Philly Future says that if they’re sold, they’ll be sharing the profits with you, the user! They also say “Driving an Hyundai like myself bub?” Ahh, yes, I can see the venture capitalists lining up to buy Philly Future any day now, and with Karl sharing the dough, Her Alter Ego will have enough bolding and capital letters to last a lifetime. [Philly Future]

• The New York Times loves City Hall! Add it to the list of things that the NYT hearts about Philly — that’s hipsters, the Liberty Bell, the Art Museum, Pat’s Steaks (probably), etc. — STAT! (Related: A very angry comment on Phillyist.) [NYT]

• The head of the prison guards’ union agrees with the lawsuit filed that claims poor conditions in Philly’s jails. So you know it’s bad. [Metro]

• Oh, and that stripper with the human hand in a jar? She skipped her court date today. Why are we (and the Daily News, and 50 other local blogs) writing about this even though it’s not really anywhere near Philly? Oh, right: She’s a stripper with a human hand in a jar. [AP/Philly.com]

Stripper’s A Regular Warhol, Dahmer

An exotic dancer in New Jersey — who, naturally, does her stripping at a nude juice bar — has been arrested after police found a hand in a mason jar and six human skulls in her home.

Police went to her house to investigate a suicide attempt Friday. They found no suicide victim, but they did find the hand and skulls, and arrested Linda Kay for “improper disposition of human remains.”

She, however, says her collection of skulls and the hand — which she calls “Freddie” — is simply her strange taste in artwork. Her mother said she got the skulls from a mail order catalog or over the Internet. (Amazon.com is branching out!)

The laywer for Hott 22, the juice bar she strips at, defended her art collection:

“Hott 22 does not knowingly hire mass murderers.”

[Ira] Weiner said Kay is “artistic, but not vicious. I believe that’s why she collected those items. Other people might take issue with her tastes. I know I do.

“But look at Andy Warhol. He painted soup cans.”

Warhol painted hands in mason jars, too. One of his lesser-known works.

She got a hand [Daily News]

The Founding Fathers would be pissed

This is the largest injustice ever committed in the commonwealth. Where are you to defend us, Ed Rendell?

Exotic Dancers May Be Restricted At Penn State Fraternities [AP via NBC 10]

Looking for a conversation? Go to the strip club!

The controversial Center City strip club Signatures is in the news again, but this time it’s for not having any naked girls on stage. The Liquor Control Board ruled early last year not to renew the club’s license it needed to operate a strip club, so the only bare thing inside Signatures right now is the stage. (The LCB banned dancing? This is just like Footloose! Somebody get Kevin Bacon in here, STAT.)

The LCB’s ruling cited consistent “lewd conduct” at Signatures, which begs the question: What else do people go to strip clubs for?

Still, it’s not like Signatures hasn’t been in the news before. Fellow PW writer Steve Volk details all the previous aspects of this controversy: the club’s hiring of a consultant who was linked to a federal racketeering case with the notorious Gold Club in Atlanta (that’s where all the pro athletes went, so you know there was a lot of lewd conduct going on), the protests of the East of Broad Improvment Association and the building itself, which is owned by Common Pleas Court Judge Frank Palumbo Jr.

The club hasn’t closed, though, having dancers meet people for “conversation” and trying to entice customers to buy lap dances. (I’d guess any customers not buying lap dances won’t last too long in there.) And having private lap dances might not be legal, anyway, so it looks like the club could be on its last legs.

But you kind of have to admire a club that loses its stripping license, yet remains open. That’s some good old-fashioned American capitalist spirit. Horatio Alger would be proud.

No More Stripping? [PW]