‘DN’ Columnist: Why Aren’t We Rioting In The Streets Over A-Rod?

Daily News fitness columnist Kimberly Garrison isn’t part of the Abridged Daily News Columnists, but maybe I should add her if this is what she’s writing regularly. Today, she tackles steroid use in baseball. As you probably know — as even President Obama was asked about it at his first press conference — Sports Illustrated revealed Saturday that Alex Rodriguez (the best or second-best player in baseball) tested positive for steroids in 2003.

Garrison’s column starts off pretty normal, actually: “OH NO, SAY it ain’t so! Not another ugly confession of steroid use in professional sports.” It goes on:

New York Yankee third baseman Alex Rodriguez, one of the best players in Major League Baseball, just admitted what many have long suspected, that he has used “enhancement drugs.”

Um, no, a lot of people didn’t think he was a juicer. That’s what certain people are so angry about: They thought he had a chance to break the home run record of the guy they don’t like (Barry Bonds) and they thought he wouldn’t be on steroids or HGH (or whatever thing we don’t know about yet) when he did it.

The column actually gets good, then, for a few paragraphs, despite the pointless mention of Bernie Madoff. Garrison writes about how winning at all costs is something our culture condones and that we shouldn’t be surprised when athletes use steroids. (I don’t know why she’s surprised in her lead. Maybe she learned some new information between the first and ninth paragraphs.)

Then it gets super-awesome, super-quick:

On the flip side, quitters never win, but cheaters certainly seem to. There rarely seems to be real pubic outrage at these athletes. The public doesn’t demand refunds on their season tickets. There are no demonstrations or protests about athletes who cheat.

* * *

Update, 4:32 p.m.: Oh, my God. I totally missed this, but a friend pointed it out. Can we print that one sentence again, in bold? Yes we can!

There rarely seems to be real pubic outrage at these athletes.

Ugh, this is what I get for trying to write something serious-ish. I totally miss that Kimberly Garrison is upset about a lack of pubic outrage toward A-Rod. Maybe she wants us to piss on him?

* * *

Yes! Where are the public demonstrations over A-Rod’s steroid use from 2001-2003?! Why aren’t we asking Barack Obama about this? (Oh, wait, we did.) And, hey, what do you know, somebody has sued MLB over players using steroids! And, gee, what’s this, people booed Bonds throughout his last couple years in the majors!

To the contrary, public demand for athletic performance has never been higher. One might assume that, as long as people have their superstars to worship, they could care less how these athletes achieved their astounding feats.

Most sports fans I know are tired of moralizing over steroids. They may hate steroids, they may think every single steroid user should be banned from baseball forever. But they just don’t want to hear the same people writing the same columns every single time another pro athlete tests positive for ‘roids.

The bottom line? As long as there are no significant consequences, steroid use and abuse will remain rampant. The potential for glory, glamour and gold far outweighs the risks. There is just too much money to be made for athletes to perform without doping.

Sadly, this has serious ramifications for our children. Many American teens take steroids - easily found online - to improve their appearance or athletic performance.

How can parents, ethics and education impress our youth when superstar cheaters get a free pass?

Youth: Traditionally impressed by ethics.

Let’s go through this: According to the most recent Monitoring the Future survey (it’s not perfect, but it’s what we got), less than 2 percent of 12th graders used steroids. (There’s a .pdf of some charts here.) Numbers were under 1 percent for 8th and 10th graders. Is that too high of a number still? Um, sure. But in what world does “less than 2 percent” equal “many”? And, hey, what do you know, around 90 percent of teens disapprove of using steroids once or twice! I’m actually pretty enthused after reading those numbers. They’re way “better” than I expected.

The main reasons kids use steroids are, not so shockingly, the same reasons adults use them: To look better, to help athletic performance in order to win games, because of mental issues (muscle dysmorphia). And some people just love taking risks! (I took some of the above info from the section titled “The ‘Role-Model’ Claim” this page about steroids in baseball; it also references a study that said “teens whose role models were sports figures were less likely to have used substances in the past week than teens who had other role models.”)

On the whole, obviously, it’s better for pro athletes to not take steroids or smoke pot on camera or drink beer during Prohibition (sorry, Babe Ruth!). I would guess, sure, there are some kids who have decided to use steroids because they saw Barry Bonds hit long homers. Dumb kids, though. Who would want to be like Barry Bonds, though? Everyone hates him!

A-Rod, too, is being vilified by everyone from Duke sports information director Dick Vitale to… hell, everyone. Pick any column from that second link, a Google News search. Everyone hates A-Rod. People want to take his name off the field he paid for. Baseball commissioner Bud Selig says he’s going to make Hank Aaron the home run king again. (Not that Aaron is free of steroid speculation!) What more does Kimberly Garrison want?

Oh. A suspension, probably, or maybe a ban from baseball. That will somehow keep the kiddies off the steroids. Okay, fair enough. Let’s see:

Honestly, I question if sports officials really want to put an end to doping in pro sports. If they’re serious, why not treat steroid offenders like Michael Vick, the Atlanta Falcons quarterback who was vilified for engaging in dogfighting?

Until steroid use carries that kind of stigma, I suspect we’ll continue to hear bad news about professional athletes we thought we could look up to.

Yes! Throw A-Rod in jail! Hell, throw him to the lions! Or maybe make him play for the Detroit Lions, that would be worse. I should note Garrison is not the only person calling for A-Rod to be thrown in jail. I guess that’s what she’s calling for, right? Perhaps she will explain it in her final sentence:

Readers, what do you think?

This is, really, the last paragraph of the column. Incredible. What is it, a blog post?

I don’t really expect the Daily News fitness columnist to deliver insightful social commentary. (I’d say she should focus on fitness. She seems pretty awesome at that, actually. If she wanted to do an A-Rod column, she could write about the dangers of steroid use in developing bodies. But that’s just me.) But what’s amazing about this column is half of it is actually quite good: She gets that people use steroids because of things like American culture, innate human desire or allure of beauty or riches.

Then she wonders why A-Rod isn’t being burned at the stake in the center of New Yankee Stadium.

Sigh. And people wonder why guys like me (who consume far too much media for their own good) end up liking guys like Barry Bonds and A-Rod just to spite people. Well, maybe that says more about me than anybody else. Sighs all around, then.

Original photo by racoles used under a Creative Commons license

Sal Fasano Is Not Happy With Himself

“A disappointment,” he says glumly. “My career has been a really big disappointment.”

Back when Sal Fasano played in Philadelphia, the career .220 hitter had his own fan club, was cheered for being Italian and having a mustache and eventually got traded to the freaking Yankees. Apparently he’s still not content with that success; this over-dramatic Reader’s Digest article details how sad Sal Fasano is!

Despite steroids not being against the rules of major league baseball until like 2005 — and probably somewhat legally obtainable with a helpful doctor — Sal Fasano decided not to do them. Whoops! He never got any big free agent deals and now he still has to play baseball for a living at 36. Also, check our how this article ends:

Those who opted to turn to performance-enhancing drugs may well drive Mercedeses and BMWs, may well live in luxurious homes, may well boast gaudy career statistics that elicit oohs and aahs from adoring fans.

But Sal Fasano, 36 and tired, is blessed with something a thousand times greater. He is a ballplayer. A real ballplayer.

That ending was so annoying it made me want to do some steroids.

A Baseball Career Without Steroids [Reader's Digest via Walkoff Walk]

OMG Everyone’s Talking About Steroids

So, the Mitchell Report leaked. Maybe? I dunno. Couple places had it, email being forwarded around; it’s probably not entirely accurate, possibly fake; who cares, we’re only 30 minutes away anyway.

But, anyway: Lenny Dykstra! David Bell! And… Abraham Nunez!

So, nobody who is on the Phillies now is named, and, uh, one is from 14 years ago. I think we Phillies fans can all survive.

Update: Ha ha, Todd Pratt, too! Nooooo…

Oh, here’s the report; as you may have guessed, that first list was fake since it was an email forward. Nunez: Not on the list.

Phillies Lose Either Way With ‘Roid Report

The Mitchell Report, a sure to be disappointing look at steroids in baseball, will be released today. Commissioned by Baseball Commish Bud Selig and headed up by former U.S. Senator George Mitchell, the report is expected to name between 60 and 80 players who took ‘roids.

The real question is, of course: What Phillies will be named? The biggest example of possible Phillies supplementation is Lenny Dykstra, the 1993 team’s best player and runner-up for National League MVP that year. (Incidentally, Barry Bonds won.)

So will any current or former Phillies will be on the list? Doug Glanville, most definitely, but who else? All I know is, if there aren’t any Phils on the list, we can be sure they just don’t care enough to cheat to win.

See also: How the rest of the division’s shaping up against the Phils.

Reid’s Sons Put Asterisk Next To ‘04 NFC Title

Yesterday’s sentencing of Andy Reid’s sons on drug and other charges wasn’t just a loss for them. It was a loss for the 2004 Philadelphia Eagles. As the Daily News‘ Will Bunch notes:

The sons of an NFL coach using steroids — does that set off alarm bells for anyone else? Will authorities start asking what kind of contacts might Garrett and Britt Reid have made inside the Eagles clubhouse?

I’m sure Garrett, out on the streets of North Philly slinging rock, ran into Brian Dawkins and made the connections there. This is the only logical explanation for the Eagles getting over the hump in 2004 and finally heading to the Super Bowl after three straight Championship Game losses. They might as well put a big asterisk on the NFC Championship Trophy.

George Halas and John Heisman are rolling over in their graves. James Naismith is, too, for good measure. I can’t believe the Reid sons sold steroids to the entire Eagles team. Especially the punter. How could you, whatshisname?!

A friend IMs: “I also worry whether or not they taught Donovan how to smuggle pills up his ass. Perhaps that’s why he’s running so poorly.”

Why are steroids illegal, again?

Just Think How Bad He Would Have Been Without

Ex-Phillies unfortunate pariah/third baseman David Bell — aka The Saddest Man in Baseball — is now implicated in (get this) a steroid investigation.

It’s not for steroids, though. The ring — which is way too boring for me to write up any background on — was busted up by a bunch of agencies whose names are too boring for me to type (and writers from Sports Illustrated, who tug along) the other week. And while an unnamed Philadelphia Eagles player was initially mentioned in some sort of report, the real bombshell comes from the SI article (it’s on page two:

David Bell, a veteran of a dozen major league seasons, received six packages of HCG at a Philadelphia address last April, when he played for the Phillies. The cost was $128.80, and the drug was prescribed in conjunction with an Arizona antiaging facility. Bell acknowledges receiving the shipment but tells SI the drug was prescribed to him “for a medical condition,” which he declined to disclose, citing his right to privacy.

Fair enough. But hCG, as it’s commonly written, is a frequently used before and after steroid cycles to keep one’s balls from shrinking.

But, then again, this is David Bell. Clearly, these investigators have never watched a baseball game.

Inside the Steroid Sting [Sports Illustrated]

State Trooper Protests Phillies’ Fans Booing Of Bonds

A police officer in West Chester did his best [pick one: Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds] impression and arrested for possession.

33-year-old Jeffrey Dillig of Kennett Square was arrested after police searched a van Dillig reported stolen in August. It contained (deep breath): about 50 vials labeled with nine steroids, about 100 needles, 50 syringes and 11 syringes with needles attached.

And this man was a state trooper. Geeze, no wonder they’re surly when they pull you over for going 80 on the turnpike. It’s all roid rage.

Juicing Officer Charged With Steroid Possession [NBC 10]

New Jersey High Schools To Test For Steroids, Soft Drinks

Yesterday, the New Jersey State Interscholastic Athletic Association announced that they would be testing playoff teams for drugs starting next school year.

The state will be testing any team that qualifies for the tournaments or championships sponsored by the NJSIAA, but they’ll only be testing a random sample of 500 students. About 100 drugs will be tested for, including such athlete drug test stalwarts as steroids, diuretics and cocaine. And the banned substance list (.pdf) also contains a bunch of energy drink/pill ingredients as ephedrine and bitter orange.

And, well, there’s also the most popular drug in the world:

(a) Stimulants

amiphenazole
amphetamine
bemigride
benzphetamine
bromantan
caffine [sic] (guarana)
chlorphentermine
cocaine

Yes, that’s caffeine! (Uh, we think.) Fear not, soda junkies… well, you’re probably not qualifying for any state playoffs anyway, but even if you are, New Jersey’s test will only show up as positive if the concentration in urine exceeds 15 micrograms/ml. What the hell does that mean, you say?

I’m a little unsure, but this page, titled Caffeine and the Athlete, says that you’d need to drink approximately eight cups of coffee to exceed the level for the Olympics, which is 12 micrograms/ml, although some athletes have come close to exceeding the test level after ingesting 350 mg of caffeine, which is approximately three and a half cups of coffee. Still, that’s a lot.

Still, if you have the jitters the night before the big game, New Jersey athletes, don’t drink coffee or Coke! Stick to old fashioned marijuana, which is not on the banned substance list.

N.J. takes a bold step on steroids [Inquirer]
Banned Drug Classes [NJSIAA (.pdf)]
Caffeine and the athlete [Rice.edu]

Leftovers: Puppies ‘n’ such

• Darren Daulton doesn’t care if you think he’s off his rocker. When his book comes out, you’ll convert to Daultonian Metaphysics. [Inky]

• Slate’s Seth Stevenson gives those creepy effing VW ads with the evil robot thing in the car an A-. Next, he’s going to give the puppy at left (via Flickr) an A+ times (infinity + 1), since clearly his grading system is inflated. [Slate]

• Barry Bonds did steroids! Wait. His head got as big as a novelty oversized beach ball. Didn’t everyone already know he was on the juice? [SI.com]

• Now that we’ve cut Iraq’s murder rate down to 0, ended the drug war, solved the problem of AIDS, it’s time for the flag burning amendment. Because, you know, these are the things that are important. [Wonkette]

• The guy who invented Hotmail — with a partner, and it was called HoTMaiL back then — is back to rethink blogging. Or, as he calls it, BLoGGiNG. [Financial Times via digg]

• Don’t extinguist those cigs just yet, New Jerseyans: A federal lawsuit has been filed against the ban. [AP/Camden Courier-Post]