Hey, look, here’s a video from “Election Journal” and oh my God it’s done by Stephen Morse. Back when we last visited Stephen, he was a finding controversies among poll workers as a Penn undergrad. Earlier today I linked that story, finding it funny there were similar “controversies” this year. And now I find out this Black Panther story is not only the same story it’s the same person oh my God history doesn’t just repeat itself, it repeats itself with the same exact people.
Anyway, I apparently gave Stephen Morse an award, so clearly it was only a matter of time before he returned into the Philadelphia Will Do universe. Welcome back, Stephen! Hope you’re doing well.
Last week when my friend brought home a reusable ice luge ice luge from Urban Outfitters, I couldn’t stop singing the praises of the Penn-alum founded company founded by Penn alums that opened its doors for the first time in at 43rd and Locust 43rd and Locustin the 1970s.
Yes, but where did it open? And who founded it? And what reusable product did your friend buy? Answers, Stephen, we need answers!
Back before I was even a “hungry young cub” — description of me courtesy of Phillymag — I was an editor for two years at the Daily Pennsylvanian, Penn’s student paper. And so, I know that every semester the columnists change in a process that’s both long and annoying as hell and makes you wonder how anyone ever got into Penn since oh my God, none of these people can write.
But I digress. This means — and brace yourself for this — we could be losing Stephen Morse. For the past semester, Morse has been an online columnist on the DP’s The Spin. And there’s no telling if he’ll re-apply or, even if he does, if he’ll be selected.
Consider this an impassioned plea to both Morse and the DP editorial board. We cannot lose Stephen Morse. Consider:
I walked into Logan Hall last Friday to meet with my College advisor. But I barely made it to the College office, as the stench in the Logan lobby was so unbearable. I know this smell from locker rooms and sporting events— it was 100% body odor.
I have experienced this same horrid stench upon entering this building for class. Either someone smells really bad and is contaminating the whole building, or there is some type of mold problem.
If I worked in this major University building, I would be livid. When simply walking through an entrance is practically a crippling experience, one has to ask the question: what is Facilities up to?
Good thing he lets us know he’d be livid. Considering our first introduction to Stephen Morse was when he went to a rally to stop the Darfur genocide and came away pissed at American blacks, who knew he’d get upset at things?
This is an important piece of reporting, though, if only it shows that the building where pre-frosh meet with their advisors smells like B.O. when they enter. Clearly, it’s a good introduction to the school where they’ll be spending the next four years.
Ahh, yes, this video was shooting across the conservative Internets yesterday as some sort of example of “Philadelphia voter intimidation.” To me it looks more like “poll watcher intimidation,” since I don’t quite see any voters being intimidated. In fact, to call it “voter intimidation” would be what we in the biz call “a lie.”
Highlight of the short, though:
The cameraman saying, “Call the cops, I dare y–” before realizing how stupid that would sound.
The look on the woman’s face when she says you’re not going to be getting in.
The random dude at the end who after being denied entry goes, “The cops are right here, you fools!” (This is a DP kid, isn’t it?)
Oh, and a tipster said that someone talking on this video is noted Penn online columnist Stephen Morse. (Behind the camera?) God, I love this city.
Ahh, Philadelphia. Congratulations, poll workers and poll watchers at “the scene at 6125 Market Street.” You’ve surely done your part for democracy by all being ridiculously annoying.
Update: Kid in the video is Stephen Morse. But of course.
As i walked down Walnut Street, Stephen Morse came running down the stairs in front of 38xx Walnut. He then went into what i can only call a waddle run — jogging as if he had just spent the six hours riding a horse. (Editor’s Note: My running form is much worse.) Naturally, i picked up my pace to see what the fuss was all about.
All i bothered to hear was a voicemail he left: “Morse here. Call me back — I’ve got such a big scoop.”
Keep your eyes peeled for the STORY OF THE CENTURY.
Oh, he’s also the knower of all truth and muckraker. Today he reports on Bob Casey, and whines that, well, Casey wouldn’t let him bypass the press conference and ask him questions outside before an event at Penn. Then, after criticizing the other “journalists” for submitting to a “press conference” — as if any respectable journalist would do such a thing! — and drops this more-exclusive-than-anything-on-Phawker report:
Very few people know that Bob Casey describes himself as a “pro-life” candidate.
Tune in next week for a scoop about how President Bush supports the War in Iraq!
One month ago, Philadelphia Inquirer architecture critic Inga Saffron hailed Penn’s newest building, Skirkanich Hall, as “the city’s best new building in years.” Well, Inga, I have no architecture degree, but you should really be out of a job. To me, this building is nothing more than a giant glassy booger. [...]
Speaking of Pottruck, it’s architecturally a pretty cool building. So is Huntsman Hall. But why didn’t the architecture critics step up to bat for these structures? Our side of the Schuykill is also blessed with the awesome Cira Centre, but Inga Saffron arrogantly calls the creation “standoffish.” She also believes that “the difference is that Cira is a commercial office tower and Skirkanich is a work of art.” [...]
Maybe Skirkanich hall is just a butterface, and her real beauty lies on the inside. Editor’s Note: Link to Urban fucking Dictionary for “butterface” not added by me.
Yeah! Why didn’t the architecture critics agree with Stephen Morse, Knower Of Everything?! They should totally lose their jobs — lose their jobs! — so we can get better architecture commentary like “it’s like a booger!” I can’t wait until his treatise, “City Hall: A Piece Of Poop,” comes out.
Morse was shocked — shocked! — that the rally was mainly attended by rich priviliged people who had the time to attend the rally. And he blasts American blacks for not attending.
My problem was the sea of white faces who were rallying in Central Park against the injustices of the Sudan. In every corner of the field I counted no more than 20 minorities among the tens of thousands of people who were packed into the park. ¶ I also observed (not scientifically, I must admit) that the majority of the crowd were Jews.
We can only assume that he went around Central Park checking to see if the males were circumsized to confirm this not scientific (he must admit!) hypothesis.
I approached each black person I saw throughout the day. The scary thing was that I saw but one person the entire day who was African-American, rather than an immigrant from Africa.
This event was a disgrace. It was not a unified America. It was a majority of Jews and some Catholics from their faith-based organizations, and a contingent of hippie liberals from Amnesty International. There were no Muslims there.
Ahh, see, he approached every black person and assumedly asked them why there weren’t more black people at the event. Way to make them feel welcome! Not sure how he checked to see if there weren’t any Muslims there, though. Maybe there was an anti-Pope rally across the street or something.
American Jews stepped up to the plate this summer to help their brothers and sisters in Israel. When will African-Americans do the same for their brothers and sisters in Darfur?
Well, at least he didn’t write “brothas and sistas.”
After an imam gave a speech Morse didn’t like, it appeared that he’d get some salvation for the rest of the afternoon. Unfortunately…
Not even a performance by OAR to end the event could help the crowd overcome such harsh and dismal words.
You see, people? OAR is against genocide! Why didn’t you get your free $15 bus from your Ivy League university’s Hillel to attend?