The New Great White Hope

Stephen A. Smith (who else?) writes in the current ESPN Magazine that the NBA is not racist, and only has European and white players because it helps the team get better, spreads the game around the world and makes more money for the owners.

Makes some sense to me. But in yesterday’s Daily News, boxing was shown openly advocating for a white American champion, writes Mark Kram:

Setting aside the question of whether or not Joey Abell can actually become what [promoter Don] Elbaum envisions, he does seem to bring something to the table other than a healthy appetite. In fact, he is a symbol of eternal longing: A heavyweight who is not just American but the color of driven snow. While it is politically incorrect to say so, even Abell understands that when it comes to forging a boxing career, the only thing he has missing at this point is a tattoo on his arm that says MOTHER. “Not to sound racist or anything, but a white heavyweight from America would be a big thing,” said Abell, who would indeed be a big thing for a sport that has slipped so far out of the public consciousness that some would say it could be packed up in a pine box. Because far larger than even the raw abilities of the still unproven Abell is what someone like him represents: The possibility of a new face that can coax the sport out of the crypt.

This is why sports journalists enjoy covering boxing: None of that PC crap; it’s all “yes, the sport would like a white American heavyweight champion.”

Up Front [ESPNMag]
Interest in boxing bruised, not broken [Daily News]

‘I’m Stephen A. Smith, Bitch!’

Hey, Stephen A. Smith finally got fired! Hey, he has a blog! Hey, people are posting comments to Stephen A. Smith’s blog!

Wait, does anyone care about anything even remotely related to Stephen A. Smith anymore?

Good, that’s what I thought. Geezus, at least that other ESPN lady got drunk and somehow got suspended for offending people at a roast.

We now return to our regularly scheduled programming of things not related to Stephen A. Smith.

Stephen A. To Blackberry Stories Instead Of Columns

Hilarious aspects about the Inquirer article about the Inquirer stripping Stephen A. Smith of his column.

1. The headline, “Stephen A. Smith due to return to reporting.”
2. This sentence: “Online reports say the paper is waiting for Smith, who is on vacation, to accept the shift.”
3. The link on the sidebar to Phawker’s report last night about the SAS demotion, which is the aforementioned “online report.”
4. The link below that one, which reads: Slate: ‘How television killed the newspaper sports column.’ Take that, Phil Sheridan!
5. Bill Marimow’s quote, “Stephen A. Smith is an excellent reporter,” which may be true, but is nonetheless hilarious in that the last big reporting I remember him doing was about how the Sixers were going to hire Tubby Smith as coach.
6. This sentence: “Earlier this year, he was even on the TV soap opera General Hospital and in the Chris Rock movie I Think I Love My Wife.”

So, yes, Inquirer readers are now free of the one Stephen A. column a month or whatever. The space will be filled by old men bitching about blogs and kids nowadays and flying pigs and an ad for Commerce Bank.

Stephen A. Smith Stripped Of Column [Phawker]
Stephen A. Smith due to return to reporting [Inquirer]

Famous Adulterer Could Possibly Play For 76ers

Local boy and Lakers guard Kobe Bryant talked with Stephen A. Smith for Smith’s Inquirer column today, and apparently he wants out of Los Angeles. (He later re-iterated this demand more succinctly on Stephen A.’s radio show — which is, naturally, on in New York.)

Management said they were trying to win now and so Bryant signed a big contract, but apparently the team is in rebuilding mode. So could Kobe Bryant be headed back to the city that boos him?

Chicago? New York? Philadelphia, perhaps?

“Keep talking,” Bryant quipped. “Anything sounds good right now with the way I’m feeling.”

Great! Now if only the 76ers had a marketable six-foot guard they could package for him. Er.

Stephen A. Smith | Bryant fires back at Lakers [Inquirer]

If You Ever Wanted To See Stephen A. Smith Outdebate A Pulitzer Prize Winner And Some Idiot Blogger, Now Is Your Chance

Holy shit. Are sports commentators really that much better than regular commentators? I think my world just flipped upside down.

Stephen A. Finally Gets The Big Break He’s Looking For

Courtesy of Blinq:

With his cameo on General Hospital.

I love America.

Let Go Of My Arm [Blinq]
Former ‘GH’ Vet Returns Home [Soap Opera Network]

Reason #27 To Love Philadelphia: Stephen A. Smith

Merry Christmas! I hope youse had a nice Christmas (or other December holiday) and Santa (or other annual gift bringer) gave you everything you wanted.

But, really, the present that all Philadelphians — nay, all English-speaking humans — should appreciate most came from Stephen A. Smith in his Christmas Eve column about the Duke rape case. As you may know, rape charges were recently dropped in the case, even though everybody thought those stupid white kids were guilty when the news first broke.

Stephen A. is not really a beloved writer/ESPN host/whatever in this town, but regardless of one’s opinion of him, he made his career in journalism worthwhile with his column on Christmas Eve. Not only was it a half-decent column with a point made well, it also contained perhaps the greatest clause ever printed in a newspaper:

Now we’ve learned that the rape charge was dropped after this stripper told investigators she was no longer certain whether she was penetrated vaginally with penises as she had claimed earlier.

Penetrated vaginally with penises. Stephen A. has found a way to unintentionally make a funny description involving gang rape. (Or, in this case, not gang rape.) Hey, he may write some stupid stuff sometimes — uh, when he writes — but he also wrote “penetrated vaginally with penises.” Thanks, Stephen A.

Stephen A. Smith | Injustice has spoken in the Duke lacrosse case [Inquirer]

Stephen A. Smith Hollas At Nieces, Nephews

Stephen A. Smith — the ESPN sports analyst, Quite Frankly host and sometimes Inquirer sportswriter — tried to branch out on Saturday, appearing on CNN to discuss the War in Iraq, among other topics.

Deadspin went through the transcript and pulled out some of the funnier parts yesterday — “You have a lot of people out there looking saying all right, you know, Osama bin Laden, this is what he did. With 9/11 and what have you, but we’re in Iraq. You understand? We’re still looking for him,” “I agree with Senator Clinton,” etc. — but here are some of my faves:

Let me tell you a little story, because I’m a little scared. I’m 38 years old. Let me be honest with you. I might as well be 70 that’s how scared I am. Because I look on this side, I sitting out here, I work my butt off every day because I have to take care of my Mama, because she works so hard. So I have to make sure she’s living the life…. You can do it, right!

On the other side, I got like ten — eight nieces and two nephews, these folks walk around with their heads cut off like they don’t know what’s going on.

We’ll step up and handle the challenge faced with us, but only after we crash and burn.

I think moderation will kick in, but only after America continues to burn. I think America’s burning as we speak and anything that’s burning ultimately changing form.

I can’t be sure — it is Stephen A. — but I think he spent his time on national TV over the weekend… making fun of his nieces and nephews.

Transcript [CNN.com]
ALL THEY NEED TO DO IS BOND OVER THESE CHEESY DOODLES [Deadspin]

Quickies: Holler If You Hear Me

• Quite frankly, I blame Stephen A. Smith for the constant “quite frankly” cliché showing up in every other article nowadays. Which is odd, since nobody watches Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith. [The Gelflog]

• Concert Rumor: Radiohead will be playing the Tower in Upper Darby on June 1 & 2. [Green Plastic Radiohead]

• Somehow the Daily News printed a Northeast Times letter saying that every hip hop “video shows the rapper treating women like animals and that, if you deal drugs, you can be rich, just like me.” [DN, 3rd letter]

• While searching how to spell her name correctly this morning, I came across the Dorothy Krysiuk Yahoo! Fan Club, which has 230 members. Where’s the Erin O’Hearn Fan Club? [Yahoo! Groups]

‘Inquirer’ Next Top Model

If you didn’t pick up Sunday’s Inquirer, you missed one of the best front sports pages in a while. Almost everything on the page was a headshot of some sort, including a whopping four columnist mugshots. (But, really, the photos were cropped tightly on the faces, too. It was like 16 eyes staring at me while I read skimmed the front page.)

A word on the Inquirer columnist headshots: They’re weirdly lined, as if on an old television or the Rocky steps. (You can click here for a giant example of Jim Salisbury in scan-o-vision.)

Nonetheless, thse are headshots for public consumption, and so I decided to play Tyra Banks and introduce Inquirer Next Top Model, a beauty pageant of sorts for the four columnists on Sunday’s front sports page. Let’s go over the four, in alphabetical order.

	Bob Ford. Ford has a natural enough looking smile, but is that right eyebrow smaller than the left? If you want to be a columnist, you gotta get your eyebrows plucked before the photoshoot. However, the laugh lines are a nice touch; it shows Ford doesn’t take himself too seriously, a rare trait in sports columnists.
	Ashley Fox. An excellent touch for Fox to keep her hair down for her columnist photo. Her smile seems a little too big, but it again shows she’s not taking herself too seriously. (Good job, Inky!) And there doesn’t appear to be any sort of eyebrow malfunction. Bonus points, too, for the porn star-esque name.
	Jim Salisbury. Salisbury is clearly a man of serious baseball writing with his stoic expression and collared shirt. I expect him to start debating Plato’s The Republic halfway through his column. And, really, could the photographer have gotten a little closer? I don’t know if I can see his nose hair well enough with this close-up.
	Stephen A. Smith. Hello, professor! Smith has the whole Poindexter look down pat right here. The glasses and suit look — for a sports column! — brings a whiff of superiority and smugness, which is sort of like his writing. (Ba-zing!) However, I’m willing to give Smith a pass here: I’ve been on many a press conference, and sportswriters need to be given every example they can on how to dress better.

We now have to declare a winner. The victor is none other than Ashley Fox, which I guess makes her a victress. (You, of course, didn’t really need me to tell you — of course I was picking the woman. I’m such a pushover. You can complain if you wish, but, really. It’s a contest I came up with in five minutes.)

I’ll finish up with a quick punny ending: Ashley may be a simple sportswriter, but in this contest she’s certainly a fox. (Ugh. That was so bad.)