Family Values Killed By Stolen Guns

Hey, look, the people who voted against that gun bill in Harrisburg have equally horrible arguments for why they did so!

The bill also was opposed by state Rep. Paul Clymer, R-145, who said Pennsylvania already has enough regulations but lacks “family and traditional values.” (This is usually code for “I hate gays.” I’m really not sure how it fits here. –dmac.)

Geeze. I know that the Family Values Tour doesn’t exist anymore — or if it does, it’s off my radar, and I’m the center of the universe — but that’s hardly something to complain about. Erhm, I mean: Alas, he has to defend the citizen’s right to not have to report his gun lost or stolen.

Clymer is going to introduce a bill forcing citizens to report to the police whenever their traditional values go missing.

Lawmakers defend gun bill vote [Bucks County Courier Times]

Beer Fight!

Our state lawmakers in the House have recently been so kind as to consider allowing beer distributors and takeout beer joints to sell 6-, 12- and 18-packs. All good, right? Duh, of course not: Now the state’s lawmakers are pissed because it’s going to give Bud, Miller and Coors et al an edge.

Under Pennsylvania’s current liquor law — brought down via stone tablets by William Penn himself — beer distributors are only allowed to sell cases of beer (generally 24-packs), kegs and the like. Takeout beer places can sell up to 12 beers at a time. The new rules would allow distributors to sell as few as six beers at a time and let takeout places (delis, bars, etc.) sell as many as 18 beers at once. Neat!¹

But local brewers don’t have the packing gizmos to make 18-packs, since they haven’t been allowed to sell them up to this point. The beer giants have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars bribing (”lobbying”) our state lawmakers to pass this new law; Anheuser-Busch spent $200k last year lobbying Pennsylvania legislators and Miller spent $100k.

The state’s beer makers are not happy, though the head of the union for microbrewers says he wants to do “what’s best for beer.” It’s not beers like Yards, Troegs (both quoted in the article) that would be really hurt by the law but beers like Yuengling, which compete more with the corporate beer. Nobody’s choosing between a six-pack of Yards Love Stout and an 18-pack of Bud Light; Dougie Fratboy might be willing to get an 18-pack of Coors instead of a 24 of Lager.

Er, anyway, look how emphatic and angry this “consultant for Iron City Brewing Co.” is! “Who’s this bill going to help? It’s certainly not going to be the little guy. There’s not one microbrewer in this state that can make an 18-pack, not one.”

The article notes the state may give brewers a ton of money to upgrade their machinery. If only I had a brew pub on the Chester waterfront! I could get the state to pay me to not make beer.

¹ Pennsylvania’s liquor laws are, shall we say, a bit stupid, and I may have screwed up this description of it. Just assume if it makes it easier for you to acquire your beer you’re not allowed to buy it that way.

A six-pack of controversy to go [Inquirer]

Mark Cohen Would Like You To Know His Penis Is Not Afraid Of Itself

Here is what’s funny: When state lawmakers say things like, “All over the country, people live longer lives because of me.” Here is what’s funnier: When state lawmakers propose a Phillyblog Day. Here’s what’s even funnier: When state lawmakers make a post about reaching a certain number of posts on Phillyblog.

Even funnier than that is when state lawmakers go through and make a list of the posters on an Internet messageboard with 1,000 posts or more. And even funnier than that is when there’s a sort by posts, descending order feature on said messageboard but the lawmaker doesn’t know about it so he goes through and calculates all the top posts by hand.

And, of course, even funnier than that is when state lawmakers tell reporters they’re being libeled because of comments on a blog that are posted by “MBC Penis” and say “I feel threatened by philly blog and Rep. Mark B. Cohen’s penis.”

More »

Pa. Upholds Right To Pay Out The Ass For Concerts

The Pennsylvania legislature recently passed a law guaranteeing protecting when buying concert tickets over the Internet.

It’s a state law that says if you buy tickets for, say, the Philadelphia Kixx over the Internet and the show is cancelled or the tickets are fake or not the ones you paid for, you get a refund. How this is going to be enforced if you buy tickets from eBay power seller s3xyd00d469, I do not know.

There’s no cap on the premium ticket sellers online can charge, so a $16 Phillies playoff ticket can go for $500 if it’s that in demand. Of course, buying a Phillies playoff ticket is like the King of Mexico: It’s a scenario that could possibly exist, but in reality does not. (There was some sort of word for this, “neither [x] nor [x]” I think. It was in sophomore year geometry class. Naturally, the only thing I actually remember is “King of Mexico.” I don’t even know how many sides a triangle has.)

Also, if you’re scoring at home, selling tickets over the Internet: God bless America. Selling tickets outside the stadium: Illegal.

Pa. Regulates Resale Of Tickets Sold Over The Net [KYW 1060]

State Open Again, Apparently

Hey, it turns out Pennsylvania only shut down for one day, but as long as you didn’t go to a state park or get your driver’s license or work for the state you probably didn’t know anyway. Last night, a budget was not passed but a “framework” was set up. And the state employees are going to be paid, so everyone just got a free day off instead. Huzzah!

Meanwhile, this woman from Northampton immediately became my favorite politician in the state for (1) bashing people on welfare and (2) suggesting the state legislature disband.

“Today, 24,000 workers were furloughed and will not be paid, but every person collecting a welfare check will be paid. That’s more than a shame. It’s a disgrace,” said State Sen. Lisa Boscola (D., Northampton), who described the impasse as a tug-of-war over political leverage. “We should be the ones, along with the governor, to lose our jobs.”

Now we can go back to the world we previously lived in, where we never used the word “furlough.”

Budget deal ends Pa. shutdown [Inquirer]

People Actually Think Pa. Smoking Ban Will Pass

Some state legislators are hoping to join the entire state along with Philadelphia in in a ban on smoking in bars and restaurants. Hopefully, the bill will not have any exemptions for “neighborhood taverns,” which will make City Council scramble to find another loophole and prevent them from declaring this city pro-life or pro-choice again.

The bill, sponsored by Montgomery County’s Sen. Stewart Greenleaf, would currently ban smoking in any workplace and public space in Pennsylvania. Never fear, smokers! Hordes of lobbyists have descended on Harrisburg and are all hoping to make sure you can smoke in cigar shops and casinos and wherever else the tobacco companies want you to.

Twenty-seven other states have a ban of some sort, while the biggest hang-up so far in Pennsylvania appears to be… well, what else?

“There are amendments flying every which way and the biggest debate is over the casinos,” said Sen. Wayne Fontana, D-Allegheny.

Can that be the casinos new motto? “The casino! Lose all your money and die.”

A statewide ban? [AP/Metro]

Congrats, Gay People! Soon You Can Work In Pa.!

A bill going through the state legislature would guarantee the right of men who hook up with other men (and women who hook up with other women) to work in Pennsylvania, as long as they do their job competently.

In Pennsylvania, it’s perfectly legal to fire a worker simply because that person is gay.

A bill that would outlaw that sort of discrimination is to be introduced today in the state Legislature. The bill would also make it illegal to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation for housing and credit.

Oh, just wait ’til this gets voted on. Those voting nay will be tarred and feathered, people. Well, electronically, I guess.

Bill Would Outlaw Sexual Orientation Discrimination in Pa. [AP/6 ABC]

Heroic State Legislators Vote To Keep Own Jobs

Well, that was fast!

Just one day after a State Senate panel voted to reduce the size of the legislature, the bill is now dead.

After the bill went over to the House, the Speaker’s Commission on Legislative Reform got a hold of it. And promptly killed it.

Delaware County Democrat Greg Vitali, rejected the idea: “The problem I do see is the bloated expenditures of the legislature. And I think that’s something, rather than reducing the size, I think we should focus in on that.”

The way to reduce expenditures is rather simple, actually: The House is forming a “work group” to study ways to reduce costs. Step 1 will be ridding the State House of a work group studying ways to reduce costs.

Effort To Downsize Pa. Legislature Gets Bogged Down [KYW 1060]

Leftovers: Yes Men Look To Ride Borat Wave

• Okay, this one’s a little weird, but let’s do it. On the Wharton website: “A panelist for the Wharton Africa Business Forum misrepresented himself as being affiliated with the World Trade Organization (WTO). Based on that misrepresentation, the individual was invited to speak at the Forum, which was held on November 11, 2006 in Philadelphia. As soon as the conference organizers realized the misrepresentation perpetrated by this individual, the other panelists were immediately informed. Neither the conference organizers nor The Wharton School had or has any association with the individual nor do they endorse the individual’s views.” And you know why? Because of this. Yes, the “Yes Men” — remember them? — managed to sneak in and present a slavery-as-an-economic-model thesis. And nobody stopped them from presenting their thing on slavery. Huzzah. [Jessica Gold Haralson (the last one)]

• Another pay raise for the legislators! Okay, this one’s only a two-percent cost of living increase, but you damn better well bet somebody is going to have a giant pig on the steps of the legislature next time they’re in session! [Inquirer]

• Bob Brady has a blog. Oh, goodie. [Young Philly Politics]

• Chris Webber denied asking for a trade out of Philadelphia. Uhh, Chris? Hey. How about you ask to be traded, okay? It’ll be better for both of us. [Inquirer]

Updated: A bunch of cultural groups are going to try to keep The Gross Clinic in Philadelphia. Huzzah, people. Huzzah. [Art Museum]

Shitty Philly Cabs Cause Extra Buck Surcharge

Parking tickets went up five bucks this week, a hike done because people were just getting parking tickets instead of parking in, uh, garages. (Kinda.)

But, although City Council approved a $5 surcharge, there’s also an extra buck surcharge from the state legislature:

Corinne O’Connor, head of on-street parking, says the extra buck is needed because the Parking Authority now oversees taxis and limos in the city:

“We did not receive any kind of funding for staffing and the cost it takes to run that department, so the dollar surcharge has helped with that.”

O’Connor says beyond the goal of the original increase is not to raise cash, but to spur turnaround at the meters.

So, right: Taxis are pretty shitty, and so the state needs to charge extra to make sure they stay that way. Thanks, Pennsylvania.

Most City Parking Fines Up by $5 — Actually, $6 [KYW 1060]