Student Shoots Self At Montco H.S., School District Posts Note On Website And Moves On

Earlier today, reports — KYW 1060! NBC 10! Muthafuckin CNN! — came out of a shooting at Springfield (Montco.) High School.

The Springfield Township School District has released a statement and the cable TV news networks are already bored and have moved away to more important stories about Christmas trees at Seattle’s airport:

We have received a report that a student brought a rifle to the High School. Shots were fired. Some students left the building. What we know is that an unidentified student shot himself. NOBODY ELSE HAS BEEN INJURED. All buildings will remain in Lockdown until further notice. The Police are escorting students from the High School to the Middle School. We will keep you informed every ten minutes as we receive more information. Parents, please stay away from all buildings until we have more information. Students are safe and emergency response and District personnel are on site. It is now 10:15 a.m

The school seems to be saying, “Geeze, guys, it’s just a little case of a student buying a rifle and shooting himself in school. We updated a note on our website, calm down now.”

Springfield Township School District
Report of Shots Fired by Student at Springfield (Montco) H.S. [KYW 1060]
District: Student Shoots Self At High School [NBC 10]