The Great Hot Dog Bomb Scare

Not since some dude stole the Phillie Phanatic’s head has there been such an incredible moment in Philadelphia Phillies history. As you may now know, yesterday a suspicious delivery was made to Citizens Bank Park. After evacuating part of the stadium and detonating the suspicious packages, the bomb squad found hot dogs destined for the Phanatic’s hot dog gun.

Almost too perfect, right? But don’t think it’s not an easy mistake to make: Earlier this year, the Phanatic’s hot dog gun was absolutely launching those suckers into the upper deck. They do explode sometimes; I really should have suspected they’d be stuffed with gunpowder. But, more importantly: These hot dogs are delivered? And then fed to fans? Ew, ew, ew. (The Phillies say they were for a commercial shoot, but I’m not convinced. The photo at right shows the Phanatic has clearly used food as a weapon before.)

The hot dogs did give those unsung heroes, the sports desk headline writers, some material. The Daily News gave us Wieners & Losers, and the small guys got into the act, too. No bomb, but plenty of fireworks for Phillies, Braves. Hot dogs rule day as Phillies bomb. (Really? Hot dogs ruled the day?)

Although the only way those hot dogs could have injured anyone is if people ate them, it’s good to know the Phillies’ players would have been safe even if it was a real emergency:

“I heard a crack. It sounded like a shotgun,” said relief pitcher Chad Durbin, who was on the field warming up, standing alongside Ryan Madson when the detonation occurred. “That’s the first time anything like that ever happened to me. Better safe than sorry, but it’s a little scary. Ryan and I were discussing how the field’s the safest place to be (if a bomb goes off). You’re below ground.”

He’s right. I always go to the nearest baseball stadium in the even of any bomb scare. There, though, you risk having to deal with Reggie Jackson trying to kill the queen and other related maladies.

Photo by alpineinc used under a Creative Commons license