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Jul
27
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Hey, are you a good enough actor to play a nude corpse? The Wire needs you!
———- Forwarded message ———-
From: [redacted]
Date: Jul 27, 2007 11:20 AM
Subject: [theatrealliance] HBO “THE WIRE” NEEDS NON UNION NUDE CORPSES
To: [redacted]
HBO THE WIRE NEEDS ASAP
FOR SAT. 7/28/07 NON UNION NUDE CORPSES
1 FEMALE 2 MALE- AGE 18-70
$125.00 FOR THE SHOT
PLEASE REPLY WITH A NON NUDE PHOTO, ALL CONTACT NUMBERS. MUST BE
AVAILABLE ALL DAY SAT 7/28/07
AND NO PROBLEM WITH PLAYING A NUDE CORPSE.
SHAMOSFISHER [at] GMAIL.COM
OR CALL 410-558-xxxx
IF YOU HAVE BEEN ESTABLISHED IN THE WIRE..PLEASE DO NOT REPLY-NEW FACES PLEASE
Hurry up and apply! And, remember, non-union; you’re SOL, Bob Brady.
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dmac | 3:14 PM | 3 Comments
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Jul
26
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And you thought City Council knew how to waste time. Over in Jersey, a state legislator plans to introduce a bill dropping the front license plate from Jersey cars, freeing up the front spot for airbrushed “TOM + JESSICA” and “NRA4EVER” non-official plates.
“The front plate is really superfluous,” said Assemblyman John Wisniewski, Transportation Committee chairman. “To use an analogy, it’s like the appendix in humans.”
To use an analogy, shut up, you fuck. Oh, sorry, that’s not really an analogy. However, his analogy — cleverly introduced with the phrase “to use an analogy” — does make a lot of sense, because sometimes front license plates explode.
More »
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dmac | 12:28 PM | 1 Comment
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Jul
26
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Geeze, and I thought you just put a statue of Mary in your window. (Also a virgin! I never knew the source of that superstition until just now. Duh.) Follow me after the jump for some of the most awesome/pathetic sex jokes this blog has ever seen — and that’s saying a lot.
More »
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dmac | 11:07 AM | 3 Comments
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Jul
23
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The news has pretty much been slow since Milton Street sang on top of a casket in March, so let’s head over to Jersey.
A dude, dubbed “The Mad Hatter” has apparently robbed 17 banks in the Dirty Jerz, including a Bank of America in Union yesterday. (Yeah, it’s North Jersey. It’s either this or trying to come up with something funny about homicides. Right.) The Mad Hatter has robbed banks wearing a hunter’s cap (like an Elmer Fudd hat?), a fishing hat, a military hat (one with the spike on top?), a baseball cap and a knit cap.
I always thought they only gave bank robbers dye-stained cash nowadays and robbing a bank was a pretty bad idea. He’s only gotten away with $60,000, which is a lot, but is it really worth the almost guaranteed jail time? But, hey, if this dude has managed to get away with it 17 times, you almost want to say more power to him.
Or, rather, 16, perhaps. The FBI has finally caught the suspect. His name: James Madison. Yet again, new information about a founding father has ruined his reputation, much like George Washington’s slaves, Ben Franklin’s 700 illegitimate children and John Hancock’s furry fetish.
Update: The recently released details:
A man suspected of being the “Hat Bandit” bank robber is an admitted killer who spent 18 years in prison for bludgeoning his girlfriend and stuffing her body in a suitcase before dumping it in the Passaic River in 1986. [...] Madison was allegedly using his current girlfriend’s 2001 black Nissan Altima for the bank heists, Romankow said.
Yep, single guys: This dude has a girlfriend and you (I) don’t.
Update 2: Better joke alert! “Somewhere, Ira Einhorn just got really excited.”
FBI releases name of ‘Hat Bandit’ suspect [The Star-Ledger]
Police: ‘Mad Hatter’ robs 17th bank [Camden Courier-Post]
Thanks, Rob
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dmac | 1:39 PM | 1 Comment
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May
31
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Breathe easy, stoners of the exurbs! You are now free to play disc golf without the threat of black bears.
A black bear — not to be confused with a cougar, a coyote or a puma, other frequent (”frequent”) area terrorists — was seen in the Lehigh Valley area, eating out of bird feeders and scaring away salmon.
But tensions reached new heights when he was spotted on a disc golf course at Upper Macungie Park, leading a coalition of stoners, hippies and stoner hippies to protest for a bear patrol. Now they may play their impossible sport in peace.
Black Bear Caught Near Lehigh Co. Disc Golf Course [CBS 3]
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dmac | 11:39 AM | 1 Comment
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