Black Holes Of Money Announced

And the Inquirer Blogspot Slots Blog — WordPress is free, people! — announces the winners:

SugarHouse Casino: a 550 million project on North Delaware Ave. at Shackamaxon St. in Fishtown. Project would include 3,000 slot machines

And Foxwoods Casino Philadelphia, a $560 million project in South Philadelphia…

I bet Pennsport residents are thrilled.

Slots in PA: The Vote [Inquirer]

1000s Cram Casino To Push Change Into Coin Slots

The wait is over! After 4.6 billion years without gambling in Pennsylvania (during must of that time, admittedly, Pennsylvania did not “exist” per se), our fine Keystone State finally has legalized slot machines!

Yes, the Mohegan Sun at Pocono Downs opened its doors at 10 a.m. yesterday, prompting a crowd of thousands to walk in its doors. Click past the jump to read just what went down with legalized Pennsylvania gambling, day one.

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Leftovers: It’s A Shitty Thing

• Put away those gloves, it’s time for basketball season! The NBA tipped off last night and the 76ers open tonight against the Atlanta Hawks. Be sure and tune in, as it may be the only game they win. The 76ers marketing slogan this year is “It’s a Philly thing,” which is true, because Philly sports teams aren’t usually that good. [Inquirer]

• A Rolling Stones fan has filed a class-action lawsuit because of the Stones’ Atlantic City show postponement. But of course. [AP/6 ABC]

• Congratulations to Doree Shafrir, the ex-PW A&E editor who began her job as associate editor at Gawker today! Doree was one of those people who sat in meetings with me before this blog started when I was just doing non-public test blogging. She gave useful advice — i.e. “What the hell does ‘RISP in close and late’ situations mean?” — that I immediately forgot about and became the puppy photo poster that I am today. Best of luck! [Gawker]

• The bear patrol may not be working in Jersey. A report says that New Jersey’s plans to sterilize the state’s black bears will be ineffective and expensive. But at least we’d get to fuck with some animals. [AP/6 ABC]

• Bensalem pretty much had a fucking parade for the first slot machine delivered to Philadelphia Park. [Bucks County Courier Times]

Leftovers: Friday Makes Us Happy

• BREAKING: BARBARO INFECTION TREATED; HORSE NOW ON FOURTH CAST. DETAILS TK. [NBC 10]

• One time, a long, long time ago — okay, 1999 — we saw Gabriel Byrne’s character from End of Days cut a promo for the movie on some wrestling program in character. His character in that film was, of course, Satan. So… it was a little weird. We were reminded of this earlier today when we started speaking in the royal we and read an article in Metro where a Rick Santorum impersonator answered questions in character. “I think the increase in crime is a lack of godlessness in this country and a lack of spirituality and an open embracement of gay love.” You see, this is weird. Prolly not as weird as cutting a promo as Satan, though. [Metro]

• Casinos could open by nightfall. Duh! They can’t just say, “Hey, casino inspectors! Start workin’ and we’ll pay you when we sign the budget.” That would make too much sense. [CBS 3/AP]

• Crime log quickie: “2 juveniles, 9, 10, no addresses given, 7:26 p.m., Mon, retail theft at Electronic Boutique, no value given, released to family members.” Tee hee. Someone got caught trying to steal a video game. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• This story about the ridiculous bus crash on the way back from a field trip gets weirder and weirder with each read. The strangest line is still, though, is the 18-year-old driver saying something like, “[I] used to flip cars over for fun.” [Daily News]

• And, finally, the story of the week: If Pennsylvania had a budget crisis similar to New Jersey, which it doesn’t have, and if it had slots, which it doesn’t have, those hypothetical slots would be shut down. And the King of Mexico would have to be called in to solve the problem. [BCCT]

Leftovers: Money For Nothing

• There are a slew of mayoral candidates are aren’t really “candidates” because they don’t yet want to adhere to the new strict fundraising guidelines: $2,500 for individuals and $10,000 for corporations. Still, since everyone knows they’re running for mayor (or planning to run), a lawsuit has been filed. Surely, this lawsuit will restore honesty and integrity to our political process! Or it will make lawyers some money. One of the two. [Inky]

• There’s a pillowfight in Love Park this Saturday. If you’re interested, get in on this before the city closes down the park, retools it to be unfriendly to pillowfighters and pisses off the huge ESPN Pillowfighting Games that happen to be taking place at the same time, thereby ruining any chances to have them here every year. [Phillyist]

• More children this year are dressing up for Easter. Unfortunately, they’re dressing up in suits and ties for mass, and not in some sort of fun bunny costumes. Alas. [KYW 1060]

• When they finally open slots parlors in Philadelphia — est. date of completion 2034 — who wants to be they’re old Atlantic City knockoffs that can’t accept the new $10 bill? In fact, if you want to bet that they’ll never have that or a similar problem, I’ll take you up on that offer. [AP/6 ABC]

• Finally, yes, that’s me making my debut in cartoon form in this week’s PW. Thanks to supercartoonist Jay Bevenour for realizing that, yes, if Curt Weldon were strangling a bunny and sitting on a puppy, I would be shocked and appalled. [PW]

The Coolest Reverend Ever

Cross earrings? A half goatee? This guy’s the most badass reverend on the planet. They need to get more guys like him to get people back to the church.

Blogicized: Local blogger has moment in sun

• I’m a little behind on this, but none other than local blogger TinaPoPo was quoted in the Washington Post — or, as I’ll now be calling it, the Washington PoPo — discussing her distaste for the Olympics. And, naturally, they mangled her quote. How do you get these things wrong when you’re copying and pasting them? [TinaPoPo]

• I think these have been up for a little while, but it’s still an “Ohmigod” moment: SEPTA does something right, and makes its website about 10,000 times more accessible. [Starting a Landslide in My Ego]

• The state can’t trust our city re: casinos. No, really? What ever would have given our fair commonwealth that idea? [The 14th Windiest State]

• Quick: You meet baseball hall of famer Mike Schmidt. What do you ask him? Right: How’s your golf game going? [Balls, Sticks & Stuff]

Leftovers: Pictures of you

• That man sitting on the far left learning about the Daily News‘ fate? One Drew McQuade, who I hear has a very handsome, talented son. I think. [DN]

• An FBI agent couldn’t remember if a letter had been sent or not, so Ricky gets off on the mail fraud charge! Whoo! One down, lots and lots of charges to go! [USA v. Mariano]

• I’m invoking the “Americans have bad taste. It doesn’t matter.” clause of the Constitution to rationalize Desperate Housewives‘ thrashing of Sopranos in the ratings. Oh, and the whole network TV vs. premium cable thing. [Hollywood Reporter via Defamer]

• New day, same story. Yesterday, we saw the sixth witness in the Faheem Thomas-Childs murder trial claim that, “No, the cops made me sign that statement. I don’t remember anything.” You think there’s some kind of pattern here? Hmm. [DN]

• Speaking of same old, same old, lawmakers in Harrisburg are continuing to amend the slots legislation, with a whopping 140+ amendments proposed. Clearly the slots law is more effed up than the U.S. Constitution. [Bucks County Courier Times]

• Two Ryan Adams fans who leaked his album are now facing 11 years in prison for doing so. The music blog virtuosos behind Badminton Stamps remain on the lam. [Pitchfork Media]

Blogicized: No Moon risin’

• What we all (well, me) suspected for a while now is official: Tom Moon is gone from the Inquirer. Apparently, they wanted him to podcast or something. [Philebrity]

• A group calling themselves the Society for the Prevention of Misandry in the Media have declared a war on misandry, i.e. hatred of men. They’ve gotten a Verizon ad with a clueless dad pulled from the airwaves. As stupid as this group is, why weren’t they around when Home Improvement was on the air? If they got that off TV they could have actually done some good. [Attytood]

• There’s a meeting in Fishtown tonight at 7 p.m. about the possible impact of slots on the Fishtown/Kensington/&c. area. Oh, I wish I could go. It’s totally going to be crazy. [PhillyBlog]

• The University of he Arts has planned a 22,000-square foot “Skyline Performing Arts Center” on the upper floors of the U.’s building at Broad and Walnut. [America's Hometown]

Slot machine fever!

Despite what you may personally feel about slot machines coming to Pennsylvania, you have to admit one thing: self-help guru Pat Croce investing in slot machines is almost as funny as Bill Cosby telling people to speak correctly. Because there’s nothing that says “self-help” like “throwing your money away into a little box.”

Yesterday was the state-imposed deadline for companies to submit proposals for slots parlors, and there are five companies vying for deals — and none of the places these companies want to put the parlors are at the most logical spot across from the Convention Center. (Sorry, Funk-O-Mart, I love you, but if you have to go, you have to go.)

The five companies who applied for licenses in Philadelphia are:

• Foxwoods Development: Controlled by the Mashantucket Pequot Tribal Nation, the group is partnering with local investors (Ed Snider, Billy King, ex-Phillies centerfielder Garry Maddox) to build a $350 million casino on the Delaware Riverfront between Reed and Tasker streets.
• Pinnacle Entertainment: This Las Vegas-based company wants to build its casino in Fishtown. It’d include 3,000 slot machines, bars and restaurants and a movie theater.
• Donald Trump: This is the Pat Croce-backed plan. To be called TrumpStreet — sigh — it’d be at the former Budd Company location in Nicetown.
• Planet Hollywood: This is the Delaware river casino on the former city incinerator site. They’re going to call it “Riverwalk.”
• Sugar House Gaming: This company wants to build a $450 million casino on the Delaware riverfront.

None of these, with the possible exception of the Fishtown plan, seems all that great. But this is Philadelphia! What did you expect? Two proposals will be approved, in the obvious short turnaround of 12 months.

Placing their bets [Inky]