Old Manayunk Residents Have Pissing Contest With Twentysomething Manayunk Residents

As we all know, the people who live in Manayunk are dudes you went to high school with who go to bars you would be excited about going to if you were still in high school. And, apparently, after they leave those bars, they all piss all over Manayunk. Actually, that sounds pretty good. I kind of like the kids who live in Manayunk a lot more now.

While they should not be prosecuting these brave souls who dare to show Manayunk how they feel about it — protests are clearly covered under one of those amendments to the Constitution, maybe the third or something — yesterday City Council heard testimony from old people who want kids to get off their lawn and stop pissing on it.

Disgraced baseball legend Pete Rose even testified, claiming to be a Manayunk resident, and also claiming he saw public sex: “This neighborhood is in serious jeopardy right now… I would go further and draw your attention to the witnessed fact that there is also public fornication going on in our front yards.” Fuckin’ A! A free show!

Anyway, City Council will probably up the penalty for public urination to $2,000 by 2009, even though the city only has one public toilet and it probably won’t stop anybody from pissing wherever the hell they want to. And if you disagree with my assessment, you can piss off.

Manayunk Revelry Prompts City Council Action [KYW 1060]
Manayunk to public urinators: “You kids clearly have a pot to piss in.” [Metropolis]