Dolphin Goes Chasing Waterfalls

Last week, a stupid dolphin decided it needed food, so it went to the most disgusting place on earth: The Schuylkill River! Yes, there was (is?) a dolphin in the Schuykill River; police tracked it for a while but then lost it because they have more important things to do than track freaking dolphins.

This is the best part of the story:

It apparently followed a school of herring that was swimming up the Delaware to spawn and veered off into the Schuylkill, where it was spotted yesterday by the police Marine Unit near the Art Museum, said marine unit officer Anthony Kowalski.

The falls at the Art Museum proved too much for the dolphin, so it turned around and headed back downstream, Kowalski said.

So… the dolphin ran into the waterfall near the Art Museum? Ha ha, stupid animals. Once again, we humans prove we are superior because we have created the Internet, where we can needlessly mock things online.

Hungry dolphin ends up in the Schuylkill [Daily News]

A Worse Way Than I-76 To Get To Work

Not content to carry simply trash and whales, the Schuylkill river picked up another object recently: A new car!

Well, it’s probably not new, but a car was spotted underwater around near the Falls Bridge. NBC 10 says there’s no indication anyone is in the car. (Police checked anyway, since, y’know.) There weren’t any signs of the car sliding into the river near the banks, so the only logical explanation is there was hundreds of thousands of dollars buried under a big ‘W’ and some kid said the stream was shallow. (Or, if you wish, Bart Simpson said it.)

Police Investigate Vehicle In Schuylkill River [NBC 10]
It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World [Wikipedia]

TV Reporters, On The Other Hand, Are Crying

Exhale, people. (Well, if you live in Manayunk.) It’s all downhill from here.

Advanced Hydrologic Prediction Service: Philadelphia [National Weather Service]

Lost anything?

It might be here.

Photo by PW photographer Jeff Fusco

Philadelphia: We Tri Harder (Well, Easier)

Yesterday was the annual Philadelphia triathlon, and Metro has the report:

Organizers of yesterday’s Philadelphia Insurance Triathlon were forced to ditch plans to start the event with a swim in the Schuylkill River after heavy rains through the region over the weekend led to an increase in debris flowing through the river’s brown water.

“It was a pretty easy call to make,” said race organizer Lars Beck.

He said organizers got to the river at 4 a.m. and knew by 6 a.m. that the river wouldn’t be suitable for the 1.5K swim.

Instead, the race became a duathlon, with some 2,000 people starting with a 5K run. That was followed by a 40K bike race and then a 10K run to the finish line on Martin Luther King Jr. Drive.

So, in essence, the race became a biathlon. Only in Philadelphia could a triathlon only have two legs. Awesome.

River swim a no go [Metro]

Officials: Stay Out Of The Schuylkill (Even Moreso This Time)

Health officials have a warning for local swimmers, rowers and fishers: Stay the hell out of the Schuylkill.

One might think that, well, any Philadelphian knows the risks involved in swimming in the Schuylkill, but this is a little different. A number of fish were found dead near the Upper Gwynedd Township Wastewater Treatment Facility on Wissahickon Creek. The facility is near where the Wissahickon meets the Schuylkill.

The city’s managing director, Pedro Ramos, told NBC 10 that drinking water is safe, but I’m sure many of you will be drinking bottled water for a while. Me, I prefer the Schuylkill Punch. The extra toxicity makes it even tastier.

Warning: Stay Out Of Wissahickon, Schuylkill [NBC 10]

S-C-H…

Hey, Schuylkill Banks! Love the Web 2.0-esque logo, love the website design — and, hey, I even love the Schuylkill. I’ve been told kayaking is a blast there, too, and I hope to do it sometime soon.

But, uh, could you spell your name right in the title on the website?

Schuylkill Banks [via Philly Skyline]

Quickies: Captain Planet to the rescue!

• The other day there were three kids from University City High School who beat up a Drexel grad student for sport. And then, Wednesday, there was a melee during a University City-Southern girls’ basketball game. Seriously. Jesus. What is in the water in Schuylkill? Oh, right. [DN]

• The Inquirer goes all audio on us. Is it breaking news, a big story, audio from a press conference? No, it’s Tanya Barrientos and Karen Heller talking about the guilty pleasure of American Idol. There’s nothing guilty about watching Idol, sisters. [Inky]

• Fare thee well, Pennsauken Mart. You will always hold the title of “a crappier Franklin Mills” in my heart. [Inky]

• Rock on! Batty (and, well, entertaining) Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is shipping five million gallons of oil to the Philadelphia area in a deal brokered by Chaka Fattah. Prediction: The Evening Bulletin will today (or Monday, at the latest) bash Fattah for dealing with Chavez. [Inky]