Dead Employees Do Hard Work

Hey, so KPMG audited a bunch of New Jersey school districts. And here are some of the more fun expenses!

• Camden: $380,000: Checks issued for 10 dead employees. District said they were data entry errors and no money was paid; $3 million: The amount of federal grant money the district lost in 2005 after mismanaging the funds, jeopardizing future grants.
• Gloucester City: $1,140: Desk used by a summer employee; bids were sought from other companies, but this was lowest bid; $6,116: Rain jackets for football team; jackets were just one on a list of many items on this appropriation; $14,901: For professional geese removal from athletic fields; this is a year-round health problem on fields and parking lots requiring professional help.
• Pemberton Township: $999: Flowers for Secretaries Week, School Nurses Week, Special Education Week and Teachers Appreciation Day; $1,163: Mahogany desk, chair, bookcase, umbrella stand for elementary school curriculum supervisor; desk was actually steel but colored mahogany, and was a reasonable expense from state-contracted business for furniture set.

Man, I want a mahogany-colored steel desk! I could sit at it in my rain jacket and shoo geese away all day while paying dead employees to blog for me.

Flowers, catering, goose chase among flagged expenses [Camden Courier-Post]

Christians React Angrily To Portrayal As Crusaders

Now that word of the drill to plan for attacks from Fundamentalist Christians who are against the separation of church and state at Burlington Township High School has spread across the Interweb tubes, people are (naturally) up in arms because… I dunno. Because everyone likes to complain in order to feel like they’re victimized, too!

A report in yesterday’s Camden Courier-Post reported David Barton, head of WallBuilders, a Texas-based Christian group said the exercise “would seem to indicate… philosophical bigotry.” And here I just thought it was a really stupid random reasoning for a terror attack drill!

He went on to say: “Out of all the school shootings, there has never been an example of a conservative right-wing group opposed to separation of church and state.” Gee, thanks. Another group — the Idaho Values Alliance — says it’s an example “of the way in which the religious liberty of Christians is under assault.”

Yeah, I know. I mean, every day another building is having a terror drill based on Christian groups attacking the school. I’m up to my neck in Bibles and fake blood!

Terror exercise at Burlco school called offensive [Camden Courier-Post]
Yesterday: New Jersey High School Protected From Imaginary Terror Group

New Jersey HS Protected From Imaginary Terror Group

This is a few weeks old, but somebody just sent it to me, so, uh, if you haven’t seen it, it’s new to you!

Back in March, Burlington Township High School in Jersey held a mock Columbine drill, with hostages, police in Kevlar vests and dead students. How fun! And to think, back in the 60s, the boomers simply got to hide under desks for their nuclear obliteration drills!

Let’s take a look at how it went down:

The mock terror attack involved two irate men armed with handguns who invaded the high school through the front door. They pretended to shoot several students in the hallway and then barricaded themselves in the media center with 10 student hostages.

Two Burlington Township police detectives portrayed the gunmen. Investigators described them as members of a right-wing fundamentalist group called the “New Crusaders” who don’t believe in separation of church and state. The mock gunmen went to the school seeking justice because the daughter of one had been expelled for praying before class.

To make the drill more realistic–

Okay, stop, stop. To make the drill more realistic? Really? How could you even make it more realistic then a pair of gunman attacking a school because a girl couldn’t pray before class? I mean, that’s about as real as it gets. Any more realistic, and the students might all have heart attacks because it’s just too close to home.

Either way, it’s good to know Burlington Township High School is ready in case any crusaders attack. Hopefully, school officials will get started on the bubonic plague next.

Hostage drill prepares school for crisis [Bucks County Courier TImes]

Bam: Kids, Stay In Sch–Aw, Forget It

Tomorrow night is the finale of Bam Margera’s MTV show, Bam’s Unholy Union, and so Dan Gross chatted up the West Chester native, asking him about his new indie film and his past.

And Bam Margera has a message for the kiddies:

“I felt like I was wasting time in high school [East High in West Chester]. I quit in 10th grade and went to California to skateboard.

“Now I do what I want to do whenever.” Margera says.

“I wake up, I skate my ramp with my friends. I go mess with my dad and rip out all his toilets so he has to s— at his neighbor’s.”

See kids? If you drop out of school, you can spend your days ripping toilets out of houses. And not as a plumber, but as a… how do you classify Bam’s job again? But, hey, sounds like fun!

Bam directing new indie movie [Daily News, 4th item]

Camden School District Lays Off All Dead Employees

Hey, remember when a Camden school was charging kids to attend field trips even though the Board of Education paid for the trips in full?

Well here’s something a tiny bit better. Auditors hired by the state reported in January the school district had been paying people to teach after they had died. The district denied this charge yesterday, saying it was simply due to sloppy record keeping.

However, to make sure it doesn’t happen again/never happens, the school district has a plan:

The names of dead employees will be removed from the payroll database within 24 hours of notification.

Problem solved.

Camden schools: No dead people paid [Inquirer]
Did Camden Schools Rip Off School Kids? [1010 WINS]

89 Simple Rules For Testing My Teenage Daughter

Back in 2005, eight Camden high schools scored unusually high on the annual state achievement tests. Lots of teachers and staff were accused of wrongdoing, everybody denied it, some staff members resigned, some staff members were indicted on other issues, etc.

And so, this year, the state has a long list of 89 rules to make sure nobody cheats. In addition to locking down the school at test time, there’s also high-tech surveillance:

A “command center” at the district’s administration building is manned at 7 a.m. to distribute tests, and top administrators — armed with walkie-talkies — visit schools during testing.

The plan also calls for extensive staff training and the involvement of the state Department of Education, which is to be notified immediately if any testing materials are missing.

Geeze. Maybe we should get these guys to handle airport security or something.

Camden enacts 89 measures to stop cheaters [Camden Courier-Post]

Class Heads To Philly, Girl Gets Protection

A third-grader in Upper Darby was suspended from school for 10 days for bringing a replica pistol to school.

She had the pistol on Monday because her brother couldn’t walk her to the bus as usual, and she said she needed it for protection. Her classmates eventually told the teacher and the teachers called the cops. (They were at a field trip at the Franklin Institute, naturally.)

Upper Darby police superintendent Michael Chitwood said she won’t be charged with a crime, as she didn’t threaten anyone. Yeah, she’s getting off easy! If you’re looking for justice, I really can’t agree more with Philly.com commenter Mark Funcanon. I fixed the typos.

That 3rd grader(8-year old girl) needs to not only be suspended for 2 weeks, but also expelled from school for a year. Even if she is finished sitting out for a year after being expelled, Upper Darby School District should not let her back in the that school district whatsoever, and instead sent her to a disciplinary school until she graduates from high school. What makes her and/or her parents think she is exempt from being expelled from school for a year because she’s just a little girl?

I don’t know, but she’s no different from everyone else. That girl played the game bringing a gun to school and she lost, big time. Under state law (Act 26), any student found to have a weapon on him or her on school grounds or property is not only subject to a 10-day (2 weeks) suspension, but also to instant arrest on the spot, and expulsion from school for 1 full year. No ifs, ands, or buts!!

And I applaud students, whether it was on a field trip or not, for snitching on that little girl. Maybe it was because these students don’t like that little girl and wanted to get back at her as retribution. Anyhow, Upper Darby cops needs to file charges against her and have the courts try her as an adult and seek double the maximum sentence against her to send to message to all kids don’t think just because they’re under 18, they could do whatever they please and get away with it.

Really, we need to show this girl some fine Upper Darby justice. So, Police Superintendent Chitwood, come on, break out the t-shirts and tell this girl: “Not in my town, scumbag!”

Third-grade girl suspended for having toy pistol [Inquirer]

John Accera Is Really Your Princi-PAL

On Wednesday, the news broke of one John Acerra, principal of a Bethlehem middle school who also apparently dealt meth out of his office on the side.

Could the story get weirder? (Or, y’know, stupider, since if you’re a meth dealer you probably don’t want to sell at a freaking school due to the increased penalties and greater chance you’ll get caught.) But anyway, the answer: Oh, yes. Yes it could.

Yesterday, the police said when they entered the principal’s office for selling meth to an informant during a sting operation, he was naked and watching gay porn! It’s like John Acerra knew Milton Street was going to sing at his campaign rally and said, “Hmm. If I’m going to get arrested, I better do something to get the notoriously fickle — and large! — Philadelphia market to pay attention to me. Hmm… oh, here’s my gay porn stash, this will do.” Yes, yes, that probably didn’t happen, since it’d require an awful amount of foresight.

But, hey. When you’re horny, you’re horny. Okay, so maybe not while at work. Especially if you’re the principal and you also sell drugs on the side. To recap: so the story of the popular principal selling meth out of his office to random clients who came into the school somehow now includes nudity and gay porn. You have to admit, Acerra really went all out. I feel like, even if he’s convicted, he still deserves a party or something for just really taking crime to a new level.

‘Bizarre’ details emerge in Bethlehem principal’s arrest [Allentown Morning Call]
Wednesday: Principal Arrested For Dealing Meth, Scrubbing His Skin Until He Can Get All The Giant Spiders Off

Principal Arrested For Dealing Meth, Scrubbing His Skin Until He Can Get All The Giant Spiders Off

The principal of a middle school in Bethlehem has been arrested for allegedly being a meth dealer. Cops say 50-year-old John Acerra sold crystal meth to police informants three times this month.

Now, why would a man in a such a low-paying position of middle school principal attempt to make extra money in the occasionally high-paying profession of illegal drug sales? Oh, wait. Police say Acerra used and sold crystal meth for at least five months before his arrest, and had meth on his desk when he was arrested.

Cops originally found out due to a police informant. After witnessing a drug deal, the cops arrested the dude who bought the drugs, who then wore a wire in order to catch the principal dealing and eradicate meth from Bethlehem forever. Acerra, of course, sold the meth from his office.

Police asked the confidential informant about the principal after some curious special days at the school, like “Stay Up For Three Days Straight Day” and “Holy Shit They’re Closing In On Me Day”, not to mention “The Dogs, The Dogs, They’re All After Me Day.”

Nitschmann principal in meth bust [Allentown Morning Call]
Reports: Principal Busted For Selling Meth In School Office [NBC 10]

Orange You Glad This Woman Was Suspended?

Know what’s great about being a student in the Philadelphia public school system? No, it’s not the classes, or the teachers, or the schools named after such luminaries as Thomas Edison and George Washington.

The real reason it’s great to be in the Philadelphia public school system is if a food service worker throws out a crate of oranges because they’re brown, white and covered with green spots, the principal of the school will pull them out of the dumpster and feed them to children. Then the food service worker will be suspended and transferred to another school. Allegedly, at least.

Yes, 18-year district veteran Loretta Allen said she threw out the crate of oranges — and three more crates just like it — after seeing what terrible shape they were in. But the school district said she just didn’t want to cut up the 500 oranges for the students, because, well, after 18 years sometimes you just get mad as hell and don’t want to take it anymore.

Of course, the school district admitted that some of them might have been white and green and brown, but that not all of them were, and so throwing them all away was just simply unacceptable, as it’s a school district policy to make the children eat green oranges or something.

The worker’s only real mistake, her union says, was not calling her supervisor before she threw out the oranges. But the district didn’t agree, and she’s been suspended for three days and transferred from her West Kensington elementary school to Shallcross, a disciplinary school.

There, she’ll feed the children bottlecaps and bolts:

Allen said she also had become increasingly concerned about the quality of the food and had reported to superiors on a few occasions in the past about items - including bottle caps, screws and bolts - found in large containers of food.

Discarding oranges gets school worker in trouble [Inquirer]