Your Weekly RPS Post

I believe I have found my calling in life, and it is rock paper scissors. Not because I’m particularly good at it — I lost in the first round twice again this week, putting me on something like a 10-event streak of losing in Round 1 — but because it is a sport (or whatever) that involves ingesting alcohol and is a sport you can be ranked in the top-10 in despite not having won a match since opening night.

I’ve mentioned all of that before, but it bears repeating due to the events of last night at Dirty Frank’s. Last night was one of my more dramatic failures in recent memory. I managed to win the first round on my opponents’ four fouls and had match point twice — once in the second set, and again in the third. Despite this, I managed to lose the match. And, yes, despite how absolutely pathetic I am in competitive RPS — Gossip Girlfriend, who has played at three events, has more wins than I do — I will continue to attend matches and probably continue to lose.

Over two years of play in the RPS city league, my record is something like 7-25. And yet I finished in the top 8 last year thanks to two wins in the City League Championships. And, currently, I am in first in the Street RPS competition after winning it last night. Nevermind that I’m only up by a dollar and have virtually no shot of winning the total competition: For now, this loser is in first. What a great game.

Philadelphia Will Do sponsors the timeouts of the Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League. Events at Mondays at the Khyber (except for next week), Tuesdays at Dirty Frank’s, Wednesdays at Skinner’s (next week) and Thursdays at The Dive. All events “start” at 9:30 p.m.

Still Winless Since Opening Night

I’m now officially mired in a slump worse than Ryan Howard. I had a tremendous offseason and looked poised to dominate this season in the Rock Paper Scissors City League. Whoops! After a first-round loss at Dirty Frank’s on Tuesday night, I still have not once a match since the opening night of the league season.

As such, I still don’t have much to write about. I’m tied for eighth in the league simply by sheer volume and the fact that all the season events are within stumbling distance of my apartment. My record, I believe, is 1-8 (I might have won two matches the first night). I’ve acquired more free packs of cigarettes from cigarette guys (6) this year than I have matches won — and I don’t smoke.

I did win a match in a bonus second tournament at The Dive last week, but it was against Sarah (aka Gossip Girlfriend) and was in a tournament that wasn’t for points. I made her play Tuesday night and she did the Danny Awesome! name proud by losing in the first round.

Tonight is the weekly event at The Dive, 9:30 p.m. If you go, be sure to call an official Philadelphia Will Do timeout.

Yours Truly Still Kicking It At RPS

How could someone not win a match after the first week of the season and still be in the top 10? Why, in the wonderful land of rock paper scissors!

Yes, although I haven’t won a match since a final eight appearance in the first event of the season, yours truly (aka Danny Awesome) is still in the top 10 as of earlier this week. Or maybe I did win a match somewhere in there. Nevertheless, after a tremendous offseason — one finals appearance, two other final four appearances — I’m struggling just about midway through the 2008 City League season.

Never fear, though: Due to the rules of the City League, which encourage people to show up, it appears I have a shot at following up last year’s top-8 finish at the league championships with a top-10 finish in the regular season this year. Also, I got like 10 bonus points for refereeing the tournament at the Riversharks game last week, even though I didn’t have to referee at all.

Tonight’s event is at 9:30 at The Dive. Seriously, it’s fun, and most of the people aren’t as neurotic as I am. Honest!

Philadelphia Will Do is the official sponsor of the timeouts of this year’s Pabst Blue Ribbon Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship Series. Each week, a post about it! Hopefully I’ll go tonight so I’ll actually have something to write about next week.

Mayor Nutter Loses In Thumbwrestling

Clout today has a story of Mayor Nutter’s thumb-wrestling adventures during Take Your Daughter Daughters & Sons to Work Day.

The mayor stood for about 40 minutes shaking hands and taking pictures with all the kids in City Hall for the day. Clout reports one boy about 4 or 5 grabbed the mayor’s thumb for an impromptu throwdown.

The mayor lost. “He did take me down and I am… I am… really impacted,” Nutter said. “I’m dealing with it. By the end of the day, I’m going to track that kid down and demand a rematch.”

We all know Nutter is a big nerd from the way he wears a baseball jersey; but is he nerdy enough to play a game of Rock Paper Scissors? As you no doubt have heard, Philadelphia Will Do is now the official sponsor of timeouts for the RPS City League; I almost forgot to call a timeout during my one match Monday.

Tonight’s games are at The Dive starting around 9:30. Doesn’t look like I’ll be there, but if you go, call a timeout and support your local blogger. And I’ll work on challenging Mayor Nutter to a friendly game of RPS.

Humiliated On The Silver Screen

Somebody’s press release reached the right person! Or, rather, Andre Bennett works at KYW 1060. But, hey, that’s okay! KYW 1060’s John McDevitt has a piece today on the Rock Paper Scissors movie showing at the Philadelphia Film Fest on Saturday.

Frankie13 versus The World, airing as part of the Rocky Balboa Picture Show (cute), follows RPS competitor Bennett (aka Franky Thirteen, aka an all-around cool guy) as he takes on the Philadelphia RPS City League and the RPS World Championships in Toronto.

But, wait, there’s more! Longtime readers may remember when I refereed a RPS match (and Kottke linked it, something I still freak out about) at the 2006 Keystone Classic. I didn’t do all that good of a job, having never even seen a competitive RPS match before being asked to ref.

Whoops! I did a bad job, I was heckled and — whoops! — a film crew was there to capture it all on tape. Yes, not only am I in this documentary, I believe there is a scene of me being humiliated in this 30-minute movie. (I’m not sure if that scene made it in, but I have to imagine it did. The filmmakers, very nice guys originally from Newtown,

So, yes, go see it, laugh at me, et cetera, et cetera. This is also a good time to let you know about the 2008 City League season, which begins a week from tonight at the Khyber. Finally, an excuse other than quizzo to drink on weeknights! It’s been a long offseason.