Sarge Was Really Excited About Alyssa Milano

Sorry for the delay on this one. Via The 700 Level, we have this clip of Alyssa Milano — who was at the ballpark Thursday to promote her clothing line or the DVD release of Double Dragon: The Movie or something — and Phillies announcer Gary Matthews chatting during the 4th inning. Matthews asks Milano about her tattoos, and then it gets awkward.

As you can tell from the above screengrab, Matthews, Milano and Tom McCarthy decided to settle things with a rare three-handed game of rock paper scissors. Unfortunately for Milano, she threw an illegal vertical paper, costing her a win over McCarthy’s rock at the very least.

Full Redlasso clip after the jump; The 700 Level has an even longer version, too.

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Your Weekly RPS Post

I believe I have found my calling in life, and it is rock paper scissors. Not because I’m particularly good at it — I lost in the first round twice again this week, putting me on something like a 10-event streak of losing in Round 1 — but because it is a sport (or whatever) that involves ingesting alcohol and is a sport you can be ranked in the top-10 in despite not having won a match since opening night.

I’ve mentioned all of that before, but it bears repeating due to the events of last night at Dirty Frank’s. Last night was one of my more dramatic failures in recent memory. I managed to win the first round on my opponents’ four fouls and had match point twice — once in the second set, and again in the third. Despite this, I managed to lose the match. And, yes, despite how absolutely pathetic I am in competitive RPS — Gossip Girlfriend, who has played at three events, has more wins than I do — I will continue to attend matches and probably continue to lose.

Over two years of play in the RPS city league, my record is something like 7-25. And yet I finished in the top 8 last year thanks to two wins in the City League Championships. And, currently, I am in first in the Street RPS competition after winning it last night. Nevermind that I’m only up by a dollar and have virtually no shot of winning the total competition: For now, this loser is in first. What a great game.

Philadelphia Will Do sponsors the timeouts of the Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League. Events at Mondays at the Khyber (except for next week), Tuesdays at Dirty Frank’s, Wednesdays at Skinner’s (next week) and Thursdays at The Dive. All events “start” at 9:30 p.m.

Yours Truly Still Kicking It At RPS

How could someone not win a match after the first week of the season and still be in the top 10? Why, in the wonderful land of rock paper scissors!

Yes, although I haven’t won a match since a final eight appearance in the first event of the season, yours truly (aka Danny Awesome) is still in the top 10 as of earlier this week. Or maybe I did win a match somewhere in there. Nevertheless, after a tremendous offseason — one finals appearance, two other final four appearances — I’m struggling just about midway through the 2008 City League season.

Never fear, though: Due to the rules of the City League, which encourage people to show up, it appears I have a shot at following up last year’s top-8 finish at the league championships with a top-10 finish in the regular season this year. Also, I got like 10 bonus points for refereeing the tournament at the Riversharks game last week, even though I didn’t have to referee at all.

Tonight’s event is at 9:30 at The Dive. Seriously, it’s fun, and most of the people aren’t as neurotic as I am. Honest!

Philadelphia Will Do is the official sponsor of the timeouts of this year’s Pabst Blue Ribbon Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship Series. Each week, a post about it! Hopefully I’ll go tonight so I’ll actually have something to write about next week.

Mayor Nutter Loses In Thumbwrestling

Clout today has a story of Mayor Nutter’s thumb-wrestling adventures during Take Your Daughter Daughters & Sons to Work Day.

The mayor stood for about 40 minutes shaking hands and taking pictures with all the kids in City Hall for the day. Clout reports one boy about 4 or 5 grabbed the mayor’s thumb for an impromptu throwdown.

The mayor lost. “He did take me down and I am… I am… really impacted,” Nutter said. “I’m dealing with it. By the end of the day, I’m going to track that kid down and demand a rematch.”

We all know Nutter is a big nerd from the way he wears a baseball jersey; but is he nerdy enough to play a game of Rock Paper Scissors? As you no doubt have heard, Philadelphia Will Do is now the official sponsor of timeouts for the RPS City League; I almost forgot to call a timeout during my one match Monday.

Tonight’s games are at The Dive starting around 9:30. Doesn’t look like I’ll be there, but if you go, call a timeout and support your local blogger. And I’ll work on challenging Mayor Nutter to a friendly game of RPS.

Humiliated On The Silver Screen

Somebody’s press release reached the right person! Or, rather, Andre Bennett works at KYW 1060. But, hey, that’s okay! KYW 1060’s John McDevitt has a piece today on the Rock Paper Scissors movie showing at the Philadelphia Film Fest on Saturday.

Frankie13 versus The World, airing as part of the Rocky Balboa Picture Show (cute), follows RPS competitor Bennett (aka Franky Thirteen, aka an all-around cool guy) as he takes on the Philadelphia RPS City League and the RPS World Championships in Toronto.

But, wait, there’s more! Longtime readers may remember when I refereed a RPS match (and Kottke linked it, something I still freak out about) at the 2006 Keystone Classic. I didn’t do all that good of a job, having never even seen a competitive RPS match before being asked to ref.

Whoops! I did a bad job, I was heckled and — whoops! — a film crew was there to capture it all on tape. Yes, not only am I in this documentary, I believe there is a scene of me being humiliated in this 30-minute movie. (I’m not sure if that scene made it in, but I have to imagine it did. The filmmakers, very nice guys originally from Newtown,

So, yes, go see it, laugh at me, et cetera, et cetera. This is also a good time to let you know about the 2008 City League season, which begins a week from tonight at the Khyber. Finally, an excuse other than quizzo to drink on weeknights! It’s been a long offseason.

See Your Editor Stutter Live And In-Person

For the third time, Penn’s esteemed Kelly Writers House has invited me to speak in front of a crowd there at an event. Yes, your self-deprecating editor will be speaking at a respected institution of writing once again; for me to be doing my third reading at Writers House not even four years out of college is mind-blowing. (I am certain it was this post that drove them to invite me this time.)

Monday’s Writers House event is called 7-Up on Rock, this year’s installment of the annual 7-Up series. Seven writers read for seven minutes about seven different topics loosely related to a theme; there’s a nice recap of last year’s even here. I will be reading about the great sport of rock paper scissors. It will be the second time I’ve read about RPS at Writers House; the other reading I did was basically five minutes of me whining about not having a girlfriend. I’ve also managed to curse at both readings I’ve done so far; expect no less this time.

I thought I had posted this Friday, so hooray for late notices. If any RPS players or blog readers come out we can head to a bar sometime afterward; if any of you actually come out I will probably blush. 6 p.m., Kelly Writers House, 3805 Locust Walk.

The full release is after the jump.

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Rock Paper Scissors Tourney Offers PBR, Uh, Bike

Hey! In case you didn’t know, I’m kind of a big wheel in the world of competitive rock paper scissors. (Photographic evidence here in shot #2.) And by “big wheel,” I mean, “I’m actually quite atrocious.”

Unfortunately for the rest of the league, I hit an inexplicable hot streak during the finals of the RPS City League this year and ended up advancing to the final eight before losing to the eventually runner-up. And, so, I am technically ranked in the top eight in the city, a notable fact I enjoy bringing up every 30 seconds or so. Mwahahaha!

Anyway, Saturday, October 6 is the annual “Keystone Classic,” which I kind of like to call the state championship of RPS, a moniker I am fairly sure is inaccurate. Perhaps it’s the Northeastern United States championships. Last year I refereed the Keystone Classic, and managed to do a terrible job.

Anyway, this year’s RPS Keystone Classic features a $5 entry fee and a top prize of $500. Second place, though, is a Pabst Blue Ribbon bike. I’m kinda hope it’s made out of cans of PBR, but I assume it’s just a regular blue bike with a Pabst logo on it. If you win this bike and lock it in the City of Philadelphia, it is guaranteed to be stolen within 15 minutes.

Sure, you could buy a PBR bicycle on eBay, but what’s the point when you can get one just for placing second in a rock paper scissors tournament. Honestly, when I get to the finals, I might just throw the match so I can drunkenly ride that bike home. Actually, that’s probably a bad idea; I’d better just win instead. Or, more likely, lose in the first round.

Full release after the jump.

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