Leftovers: Medicine… man?

• This is stupid, even for this site, but it’s making me giggle, so you have to suffer, too. From the Scranton Times-Tribune: “Matthew A. Quinn, a 1999 Scranton Preparatory School graduate, received his juris doctorate degree from the University of Pennsylvania School of Law and a certificate of study in business and public policy from the Wharton School at commencement ceremonies in Philadelphia on May 15. ¶ Dr. Quinn received a bachelor of arts degree with distinction in political science from Pennsylvania State University, where he was inducted into Phi Beta Kappa.” Tee hee. [The Times-Tribune]

• Every day, Craigslist makes us feel better and worse about humanity, all in one instant. It’s like Las Vegas! For example, this post from Missed Connections: “I was walking down girard at 3am trying to get home when these three black guys drove by in an impala (the new lame ones) and started sexually harrassing to me. One of them tryed to grabe me and I ran but then all three got out and grabed me, ripping my shirt vehemently. ¶ Then this little indie rock guy boy came out of nowhere. snaps were exchanged and he challenged them to a rap battel-which he won! (his flow was off but his rhymes were fresh and those black guys couldn’t rap at all which was uncanny because I thought all black guys could drop mad lyrics on command).” [Craigslist]

• Since we’re just quoting, quoting, quoting, let’s continue. Australia is now using Barry Manilow music to try to chase away car enthusiasts. The deputy mayor says: “We have tried to reduce the sound and we are reviewing the songs. I don’t mind Marry Manilow, but I’m more of an ABBA and Celine Dion fan.” Every word of that quote is kind of ridiculously awesome. [AP/CNN.com]

• Dan Gross reports today that Robert Esche doesn’t want Mexicans in South Philly, either. (Well, pretty much.) Are there any athletes in this town who aren’t tremendous assholes? [Daily News]

• Our violence level in Philly hit a new low today, as three people were killed in 21 minutes. [Inquirer]

• We’re up to 97, people! Go, go, go! [AccuWeather]

Breaking: Robert Esche tastes first cappuccino

As part of my goal to be your No. 1 source for shallow, snarky shit, I’d like to take a moment to look at an article by Inquirer reporter Tim Panaccio, whose last name may have inspired his intro for yesterday’s story about Flyers goalie Robert Esche starting in goal for the United States. Yes, it’s another Overwritten Lead of the Moment:

TURIN, Italy - Last week, Robert Esche sat in a cafe off via Filidelphia, just outside the Palasport Olimpico ice rink, sipping on his very first cappuccino.

“This is really good stuff,” the Flyers goalie marveled. The topic of the day was not the coffee, but playing in the Olympics.

If the Americans rally and win an improbable gold medal, you know he’s getting an endorsement deal with Starbucks. Esche, that is. Maybe Panaccio, too.

Flyers’ Esche to start for U.S. hockey team [Inky]