The Ultimate Poll

So, it’s finally come to this Philly.com poll to settle it once and for all.

Do you believe in God? [Philly.com]

Philly Coalition Of Reason Billboard

No longer will we have to simply be terrorized on I-95 by multiple Christian billboards; now the atheists have their own billboard, too! It is not nearly as stupid as the one that says “Jesus hated going to church, too,” but it’s up there. Leave alone the weirdness of doing a billboard of, uhm, the sky: I thought the bonus about not being religious was not having to deal with getting together with a bunch of people you don’t really know or like to do chants and such.

I believe it’s time for us to pool our money and get a billboard urging people to worship Jupiter.

Don’t believe in God? You are not alone. [Phillyblog]

God’s Warriors Not So Proficient In HTML, Photoshop

The above is the official website of the Million March 4 God, an event apparently so important the organizers decided not to get a real website or spellcheck anything. The event will be officially introduced tomorrow at Independence Mall. (The march will take place in DC, though.)

The MM4G is organized by Joel Cody, who was also part of the Guardian Angels, Live Aid and Hands Across America, all other equally annoying events and groups. The Daily News summarizes the event as encouraging a law to mandate insurance for handguns, pushing to require annual mental health checks for guns — these previous two planks have about as much chance of happening as I have being elected Pope — and asking churches to provide in-house medical care.

More »

Philadelphia To Soon Be Free Of Thetans (Or Whatever)

As you may have heard, the Church of Scientology recently purchased a 15-story building on Chestnut Street along with a former toy store in order to expand in the City of Brotherly Love. (One can only wait until the first Scientologist member of the Philadelphia Phillies arrives; the Phils train in Clearwater, Fla., world headquarters of Scientology.)

Just like Christians believe a Jewish carpenter 2,000 years ago was the Messiah and Jews believe they’re the Chosen People of God™ and Hindus believe widows should be shunned and Muslims believe in predestination and a lack of free will, Scientologists believe Xenu came to Earth 75 million years ago with a bunch of humans, who he then blew up with hydrogen bombs, and their spirits harass humans to this day, and Scientology can get rid of them.

Fortunately for Scientology, and unfortunately for other religions, the religion has a group of high-powered lawyers. All hail Xenu! Or, uh, boooo, Xenu! Whichever one is right! Boooo psychiatry! How dare it attempt to help people through science instead of science fiction!

And, of course, this new building will cost the city money:

Property taxes for 2007 on the Chestnut Street parcels were $56,195, according to city records. But if the acquisition is deemed to be a house of worship, it will be exempted from taxes. The church does not pay tax on its headquarters at 1315 Race St., which it bought for $325,000 in 1979.

Eh, at least it’s not another dollar store.

Church of Scientology buys site in Center City [Inquirer]
Shunned from society, widows flock to city to die [CNN.com]

This Explains Church Bingo, At Least

In today’s Jill Porter column about the new casino at Philadelphia Park, she writes about how fun it is to play slots, people who think slot machines are worse than Hitler are elitist (I would have used a stronger word) and a cocktail waitress from South Jersey might get some good tips.

I’d argue that Bensalem is a bit different than Philadelphia, but fair enough, whatevs, etc. Porter also talks to Betty Stanley, a West Philadelphia woman who won a cool $2,700 at Philly Park on the first day. She said her win was nothing short of divine intervention:

The beautiful Tina Turner look-alike retired recently after working for the city for 40 years. Yes, she’s a lucky gambler who’s won many jackpots in her day. And yes, she knows why.

“You won’t believe me,” she said.

I promised I would, expecting some dubious metaphysical explanation.

“I just completed the Angel Tree Project for my church, St. Thomas Episcopal,” Stanley said. That means she personally bought, paid for and wrapped Christmas gifts for 64 children of incarcerated parents.

“If you give to the less fortunate, you will be rewarded,” she said, grinning.

“This is my reward.”

I don’t profess to know much about anything, especially God or slot machines, but I’m not quite sure that’s how it works. But, hey, whatever keeps you doing good deeds, I guess.

It’s here: Racino Royale [Daily News]
Earlier today: Abridged ‘Daily News’ Columnists

New Jersey Church Discovers Masturbation Bans No Longer Attracting Converts, Sells 99-Cent Gas Instead

The “Liquid Church,” a Somerset County-based nondenominational Christian church, decided to cancel services yesterday and instead sold gas really cheap. (Take that, Catholics!)

The church’s pastor, Tim Lucas, explained: “We called off services today because we wanted our service to be serving our neighbors instead. We say, ‘The church has left the building.’” (Later, Lucas explained that those who live their lives without religion make him say, “Where’s the beef?”) The church paid about $4,000 to subsidize the cheap gas, and members of the congregation wore knit hats bearing a cross, a liquid drop and a gas pump.

The church’s 250 volunteers — about half the congregation — made sure that the event was not just a quickie fill-up. Some handed out food, some cleaned windows and tires, some explained about the church to volunteers and others prayed for filler-uppers who needed some help.

The event was all smiles and all the quotes in the Courier-Post article are all rainbows and glitter. (Seriously. Who knew you could make people so happy with just a little 99-cent-a-gallon gas? Even the station’s owner bought pizza for everyone.) Some, though, wished this was a more common occurence:

“This is excellent. I really appreciate it, and everybody is real nice too,” said Karel Zerjav of Bernardsville who heard about the cheap gas from a neighbor. “Every pump should do this.”

Every gas station with a church, that is.

‘Liquid Church’ offers cheap gas [Camden Courier-Post]

Pup Benedict

We can only wonder if they’ll have all his fashions available for dress-up.

Sept. 6: We’ve Said This Before, But We Actually Mean It This Time: NBC 10 Unveils Greatest Slideshow Yet

And Jesus Cast The Illegal Immigrants Out Of The Temple, Saying…

Illegal immigration is one of those can’t-miss column topics that is sure to generate a lot of reader commentary. It’s also something people (those people, of course, not including me) feel strongly about, and so it gets written about a lot.

Stu Bykofsky weighs in again on the debate today. It’s a pretty good column premise at first, asking people to tone down the religious rhetoric when it comes to the immigration debate:

It’s a fair fight, mostly, but the “condone” crowd has claimed the moral high ground for itself. It basks in its self-anointed goodness, purity and saintliness.

Not content with legal and moral arguments, its latest thrust - unveiled in demonstrations over the Labor Day weekend - is religious, which is a very dangerous game to play, especially with what’s going on in the world today.

“A law that opposes the law of God is not a law that should be obeyed,” thundered Agapito Lopez, an opponent of Hazleton’s ordinance against illegal immigration.

I’d tend to slightly agree. While religious beliefs certainly influence one’s own views on hot-button topics, it’s not much of a debate tactic to simply say, “Well, God doesn’t want us to obey this law.” It may be how you feel — and, that’s certainly okay — but you’re not really going to convince anyone who doesn’t already think like you (or share your religious beliefs) if you simply say that God is on your side.

So, I suppose, I want to commend Byko for… oh, what’s that?

He certainly wasn’t talking about Jesus’ admonition to “render unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s, and unto God the things that are God’s.” Jesus meant the Romans had the right to tax the Jews and to impose Roman law. I’m no Bible scholar (as if you didn’t know that), but I conclude Jesus would agree that civil authorities can take action against illegal immigrants.

You see, Rabbi, it’s best to keep religion out of this debate.

Oh, by the way, Jesus is on Byko’s side.

Stu Bykofsky | Keep religion out of illegal immigration [DN]

The Coolest Reverend Ever

Cross earrings? A half goatee? This guy’s the most badass reverend on the planet. They need to get more guys like him to get people back to the church.

And, Come On — Two Of *Every* Animal?

Coming soon: “I mean, water into wine? Seems pretty unlikely!”

Did Jesus Walk on Ice? [AP/6 ABC]