Raj Locks Up Elephant, Mariachi Band Vote

It’s going to take a lot for 13th Congressional District longshot/ex-Apprentice contestant Raj Bhakta to knock off incumbent Democratic Rep. Allyson Schwartz in November’s election. He needs something big. Something memorable. (Or he needs Schwartz to be found in bed with Mark Foley’s severed head.)

Since Schwartz is rather unlikely to murder anyone anytime soon, Bhakta turned to the next logical way to get attention: Hiring a six-piece mariachi band and three circus elephants to stand near the U.S.-Mexican border.

Bhakta thinks our borders aren’t secure enough and, if we don’t secure them, mariachi bands and elephants will be able to come freely into America and steal jobs from hard-working American mariachi bands and elephants.

He didn’t have any of these men or elephants cross the border, of course, but he says nobody was there and so they could have easily snuck in. But, uh, why elephants. Okay, yeah, Raj is a Republican, but does he think it’s Republicans who are sneaking across the border? Wouldn’t he be for that? Will our country one day be overrun by illegal immigrant Republican mariachi bands who will spend their time playing patriotic ditties while dismantling social security?

Only time will tell.

Making a pachyderm point [Doylestown Intelligencer]

I Read Phillyblog So You Don’t Have To: Of Raj, Chris Brennan And Liberty County

Yeah, yeah, a day late. It’s going to be a short edition, too, with a couple of older threads in it, as it’s now Friday, and we’re three weeks into this IRPSYDHT thing, which means it’s time for yours truly to get a little tired of it. Hell, I haven’t even sent last week’s Thread! Of! The! Week! winner Mark B. Cohen his prize yet.

But, I’ll soldier on, continuing to read Phillyblog so you don’t have to. (Maybe next week, I’ll even make up a logo!) Come with me after the jump.

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Former Reality TV Star Not Attracting Attention

The Intelligencer reports today on the overlooked race of the local congressional races; i.e. the Allyson Schwartz-Raj Bhakta race.

Although Raj is a reality TV star on par with such greats as Gervase Peterson, Elizabeth Hasselbeck and that dwarf from Amazing Race, he can’t seem to get any attention anywhere but the Northeast Times. Adding to that, Schwartz has $1.5 million dollars on hand (at last filing) while Raj has $10, two goats and an autographed photo of Bobby Hoying.

“Both the party and donors usually are attracted to races that have a strong or fighting chance in winning,” said Chris Borick, director of Muhlenberg College’s Institute of Public Opinion. “The perception in the Republican Party is that Bhakta is a long shot. Resources are finite; they are not going to direct it to places considered a risky endeavor.”

Alas, it appears that Raj’s political career will be over before it even began. Still, though, I think he has a bright future ahead of him. Filming on Jersey Justice — featuring Gervase! — has wrapped up, but surely the producers can get him into Jersey Justice II, right?

The overlooked race [Bucks County Courier Times]
Jersey Justice [IMDb]
Photo via A Tribute to Raj Bhakta

Is Raj A Cunt Who Called His Opponent A Bitch?

Raj Bhakta, the Apprentice castoff-turned-Congressional candidate, is in a bit of hot water lately. The 13th District hopeful allegedly called his opponent a “liberal bitch.” He also allegedly said that he didn’t “give a shit about the campaign.” (At Byko’s annual comedy night, Allyson Schwartz’s chief of staff, Daniel McElhatton, joked that the congresswoman “is no liberal.” Rimshot!)

Of course, the rumor was told to The Hill by a Democratic staffer, so you have to take it with a grain of salt. Bhakta has also denied the charges:

The Republican called it “worse than outrageous” that The Hill would print something based on the word of an anonymous Democratic staffer. It’s “ludicrous,” he said, to suggest he doesn’t care about the campaign. ¶ “Ask the twenty-thousand people I’ve met in the Northeast. Ask the one-hundred people who showed up in Bridesburg for my first emergency crime forum,” he said. “Let me tell you something. I’m very serious that the Northeast is going to be destroyed unless someone stands up and says, ‘Stop.’”

Damn, Raj, why you have to play with me like that? If you ran on a campaign of not giving a shit, I’d be your No. 1 supporter. We’d even spell your last name right every once in a while.

Raj: I didn’t call her that [Northeast Times]
Archives: Raj Bhakta
Related: Chicago Tribune or George Carlin? [Regret the Error]

Bonus! Our Fave Craigslist Postings Of The Day

• Are you looking for a new job? NBC 10 has an opening for an online news editor! The station is looking for someone “to write local stories, blogs, podcasts(from TV scripts, wire copy and interviews) and produce multimedia for NBC 10 (WCAU), located in the TV newsroom in, Bala Cynwyd, near Philadelphia.” Wait… online news editor… blogs… oh shit! Does this mean the end of Teresa Masterson?!?! Update: Hmm. It seems not. Phew.

• One of the best missed connections the world will ever read: “it seemed like we were hitting it off. but then I disappeared for a while and we didn’t get a chance to exchange numbers. you were tall, blond hair, wearing an abercrombie tank top. I was the girl in the blue halter top, who had sex with your friend.”

• Premium Mortgage is looking for a bilingual loan officer to give a loan to some very large Mexican immigrants who are going to hit Joe Vento over the head with foam bats.

• Someone searching for Craigslist for Hippies: “We are wondering if anyone knows of any similar types of websites like craigslist but with a kind of alternative slant to it, by alternative, we mean things like eco friendly, alternative energy, new agey, peace loving, spiritual, yoga, vegetarian, meditation, etc.. you get the picture.” Yes, because Craigslist is just spewing out carbon into the air 24/7, y’know?

• And, finally, a note from Raj Bhakta: “In response to Senator Biden’s callous remarks, the Raj for Congress campaign is asking you for $7.11.” Uhh, sure dude. Whatever.

Raj: My Opponent Eats Puppies

Raj Bhakta, the Apprentice 2 contestant running against Allyson Schwartz in the 13th Congressional District, has unveiled his campaign: “Save The Northeast.” Indeed, there have been volunteers on the Boulevard (and near the Tacony-Palymra Bridge) holding up signs that say “Honk to Save The Northeast.”

No one’s quite sure how honking is going to make the Tacony waterfront better or re-pave the Boulevard faster, but Bhakta has another trick up his sleve, too: gross overstatement.

The 30-year-old Republican, a Fort Washington resident who spent the first few years of his life in Northwood, also attributed the rising crime rates to new residents who, in his view, don’t value safety, cleanliness and civic-mindedness.

“John Street and Allyson Schwartz are very happy about that,” he said.

Indeed! Every time Street and Schwartz hear about a murder in the Northeast, they do a touchdown dance. The Ickey Shuffle, actually.

Bhakta: Situation in NE is a crime [Northeast Times]
Archives: Raj Bhakta

Reality Show Star To Turn Campaign Into, Uh, Reality Show

What’s better than a former bow tie-clad star of The Apprentice 2 running for office? Hmm, how about a reality-show style staff of campaign workers who are also being filmed for a documentary?

Raj Bhakta — who you may remember from when he hit on Donald Trump’s secretary after being fired from The Apprentice (that was him, right?) — is hiring a staff of interns to work for his campaign this summer. He’s attempting to defeat Allison Schwartz, the Democratic U.S. Rep in the 13th District, which is that weird Northeast Philly/Montgomery County mashup. (Don’t confuse it with the 8th, the weird Northeast Philly/Bucks County combo.)

He’s going to hire about 50 to 100 young Republicans who will probably spend their days shuffling papers and making phone calls and whatever it is campaign staffers do and will spend their nights… I dunno. Talking about small government or something. But, hey, they get a place to stay and a stipend and you get to hang out with Raj! How cool is that? The top staffers will get to stay on in the fall, with the top three staying on if he gets elected! Hopefully, he’ll avoid going “You’re fired” or some other nonsense.

His opponent Schwartz, incidentally, turned down an offer to debate Raj on The Daily Show. Bhakta responded by calling her “phony-baloney.” Woooooah! Don’t sling too much mud just yet, Mr. Bhakta! It’s only May!

Raj to star in his campaign flick [Northeast Times]

What’s happening with Raj?

This has been written about before, but since he’s now made his official announcement Monday, it’s time to take a look at Raj Bhakta, candidate for Congress in the 13th District, which sort of runs along PA-13 from Northeast Philly to the ‘Burbs.

If you didn’t know, Bhakta was a contestant on the second season of The Apprentice. Since then, he’s, uhh, well he hasn’t been on any other reality shows, so that means he’s one of the most successful reality-show losers of all time already.

The 29-year-old bow-tie clad Bhakta is a local(ish) boy, a graduate of the Hill School and has been working for a real estate firm in Fort Washington. His official website also notes that his Apprentice appearance made him “[k]nown for his witty discourse and entertaining personality” and that “he made a memorable impression on the American public.” Whatever you say, buddy.

He fancies himself a “Theodore Roosevelt Republican,” which apparently means he speaks softly, carries a big stick, drives the Boulevard — named after Teddy, not FDR — often and hunts wild big game in his spare time. Oh, and he’ll box if elected to office.

Looking at his issues page, he mentions none of that, but he does say that in his first 100 days in congress, he’ll introduce a bill getting rid of pensions for congressmen convicted of a crime. He’s pro-environment — I think this is what he means by Teddy Roosevelt Republican — and he’s also against a government-controlled health care system.

Also, he’s for a strong economy, senior citizens, national security and veterans. And for puppies and babies and law and order and mandatory ordering of Season 2 of The Apprentice on DVD.

He’ll be running against Allyson Schwartz in the November election, as it looks like no other Republicans will be running. Let’s hope he flirts with her like he did Donald’s secretary after he was fired from the show.

Oh, yeah, and here’s a photo from Bakhta’s website that will surely propel him to victory:

Raj for Congress
‘Apprentice’ Contestant Announces Bid for Congress [KYW 1060]
Theodore Roosevelt - Presidency 1901 - 1904 [Wikipedia]
Sept. 29: Northeast Philly’s version of a celebrity candidate

How a story makes national news (a diagram)

As part of a service to you, the reader, I’d like to explain how a small story about a pseudo-celebrity (Raj Bhakta) running for political office makes the national news. You ready?

1. Northeast Times, Thursday, Sept. 29
2. Philadelphia Will Do, Thursday, Sept. 29
3. The Philadelphia Inquirer’s Blinq, Thursday, Sept. 29
4. …
5. The Philadelphia Inquirer, Tuesday, Oct. 11
6. The Associated Press, Tuesday, Oct. 11 (Note: I don’t know why they put this on Philly.com since they already had a story about it.)
7. And, finally, front page of Yahoo!, last night.

There! Now you know how a national story is made.

Northeast Philly’s version of a celebrity candidate

There is a ton of news going on in Northeast Philly today. No, no, nothing important — it is Northeast Philly — but it’s important in a Northeast Philly way.

For example, check out this big campaign shaking up for the 2005 congressional race:

A former reality television star appears to be emerging as the top Republican challenger to U.S. Rep. Allyson Schwartz.

Raj Bhakta, who appeared on NBC’s The Apprentice 2, is seeking backing to run next year against the freshman Democrat in the 13th Congressional District.

“I’ve always had an interest in public office,” he said.

Wow! What’s next? Richard Hatch running for U.S. Senate? That dwarf from The Amazing Race running for the House? Bam Margera running for president? That fat woman from America’s Next Top Model running for dog catcher?

The possibilities are endless!

He hopes voters will say ‘you’re hired’ in ‘06 [Northeast Times]