No Matter The Topic, Fox Is Wrong

Last night during the Phillies’ loss, Joe Buck started talking about how it was nice inside the dome at Tropicana “Field” and how, outside, he had been told it was pouring. The always on-the-ball Jon Tannenwald noted almost immediately noted that, hey, according to this high-tech website that delivers the current weather status of the Tampa-St. Petersburg-Clearwater Metropolitan Statistical Area right to your laptop (holy shit!), it wasn’t raining yet in the Tampa Bay area.

Now, perhaps Buck had opened a window and noticed that it was raining, or somebody else opened a window and went to tell him. But, considering how the announcers have been so far this series, what do you think the weather was really like?

‘Green’ Gets Even More Annoying

The Inquirer ran a column from Lynne “Theo” Ratliff yesterday about local supermarkets phasing out plastic bags (or offering you 5 cents if you use your own bag, et cetera).

And, what do you know, Ratliff is against it. I think. Because she doesn’t drive a car so she should get to cover the Earth in plastic bags. Okay, that’s not really the point

When the first Whole Foods market opened near my home, each cashier had a bagger. I marveled at how baggers taped and cushioned my parcels so nothing got damaged when I wheeled my shopping cart home. (I don’t have a car, which qualifies me already for being “green.”) [Summary of long graph to save space (and be green!): The three grocery stores in Center City want you to use your own bags and Whole Foods has eliminated plastic bags.]

The laziest cashiers seemed the most vehement about asking customers if they’d brought their own bag(s). They cut the number of bags they had to pack by loading them up to the tippy-top. Save a tree, but not my back.

I agree it is important to live in harmony with our planet, and we could be more frugal in our bag use. But plastic just works better for me. Paper bags are tough to carry on a long haul, especially for someone already being pro-green (and frugal) by walking instead of driving. Paper bags are also useless when it rains.

Effing lazy cashiers. Don’t they know that Ratliff doesn’t have a car and is therefore environmentally superior to them?!

I can, though, think of at least one other bad thing about supermarkets phasing out plastic bags: It led to this column.

Paper or plastic: Are grocers going green or just pretending to? [Inquirer]

Storm To Kill Us All

Flood watches (at Noah’s Ark levels) have been declared by whoever it is who reports those things; Philadelphia is set to receive a million billion inches of rain.

Philly is expected to be destroyed by the impending storms, which will last for 400 days and 400 nights.

Weather Discussion 3/7/08 [6 ABC]
Heavy rain could cause flooding [Inquirer]

Float To Work Today On A Gust Of Wind

Philadelphia hasn’t gotten anything more than a couple inches of snow so far this winter, which means the triumphant return of John Bolaris to Philadelphia at Fox 29 and the usual over-the-top weather forecasts from the other stations haven’t really been much of a factor in the local news.

But fear not, sports fans! Although it’s 48 degrees out right now, we Philadelphians are facing up to 45 mph wind gusts this afternoon. According to Phillyweather.net, these kinds of weather systems — short systems of rain coupled with high winds, though that’s oversimplifying it — are called bowling ball lows and we usually don’t get them until later in the year.

We’re going to get another on Friday, but the temperatures will be too high to bring even freezing rain or sleet to anywhere but the usual “north and west of the city.” Best not to even try to bring your umbrella out with the high winds; just zip up that old Charlotte Hornets Starter jacket and brave the elements yourself.

Sunday’s supposed to be gorgeous.

Today’s weather: From mild to wild [Inquirer]
Bowling Season Is A Bit Early [Phillyweather.net]

War Protesters Brave Weather

There were a bunch of anti-Iraq War protests over the weekend, because we’re still in Iraq even though everybody wants out except George Bush and Dick Cheney and The Bulletin.

Around here, there were protests in Center City and across the river in New Jersey, where protesters were just as courageous as U.S. soldiers:

Adverse weather doesn’t keep American troops in Iraq from completing their missions and it didn’t keep protesters here from rallying to bring them home.

Both missions have similar chances of death, too, I’m sure.

New Jerseyans join protest against war [Camden Courier-Post]

Hot Wet Teen Virgins

A group of virgins got together near Harrisburg Saturday for an abstinence rally, but it rained so only 300 people showed up (instead of 2000) and the “Silver Ring Thing” presentation had to be canceled. A performance by Christian group Sonicflood, who has waterproof equipment for some reason, went on as scheduled.

As you can see from the above photo, the virgins in attendance were… uh… soaked? Or perhaps this is a dot painting by Seurat.

Although the group prayed, they apparently didn’t really want to see the Silver Ring Thing performance anyway.

But the skies opened about 3:15 p.m. Soon after 4 p.m., a group of Silver Ring Thing staff members, mostly young people in their late teens and early 20s, began to pray. They didn’t pray for sunshine or for the show to go on, though; “We were praying for peace and calmness,” staff member Krystle Sierras, 19, of Houston, said.

Rain shortens abstinence show [The Patriot-News]
[Photo via Patriot-News]

Finally, A Job For Philadelphia Will Do Readers

Geeze, and I thought you just put a statue of Mary in your window. (Also a virgin! I never knew the source of that superstition until just now. Duh.) Follow me after the jump for some of the most awesome/pathetic sex jokes this blog has ever seen — and that’s saying a lot.

More »

By The Time You’ve Read This You’ve Already Read It

A late-breaking update from the Inquirer brings the following news:

As of 7:40 this morning, the eastbound Admiral Wilson Boulevard was closed from the Ben Franklin Bridge tolls to Airport Circle, and westbound traffic was reduced to one lane, according to traffic.com.

Flooding is also diverting or slowing motorists on eastbound Route 30 (White Horse Pike) at the Collingswood Circle, on Atlantic Avenue in Camden near Route 676, and in both directions along Route 73 at Main Street (Route 537) in Maple Shade.

In Philadelphia, a trouble spot was 26th Street near Girard Avenue.

If you sat in traffic all morning on your way to work, you can relax in your cubicle with Philly.com and read about the traffic you sat in on your way to work.

Rain snarls commute; more tomorrow [Inquirer]

The Big Questions, Answered

A headline in today’s Bucks County Courier Times:

Rain. What do I win?

What’s behind recent flooding? [BCCT]

Terror Alert Deadly

While the news usually focuses on the threats our country could face from terrorists, today the Inquirer takes a look at a new threat: Deadly killer mosquitos!

Now don’t go run around yelling, “Ahhhhh!” Not all of them are deadly killer mosquitos. (Some, however, are deadly killer mosquitos.) But there are a greater number of mosquitos in this area this year, due to the record rains the area received in June.

The article says the best way to avoid deadly killer mosquitos is to avoid leaving standing, shallow puddles of water, which is prime breeding ground for deadly killer mosquitos.

New Jersey and Pennsylvania are doing a good job of stopping deadly killer mosquitos this year, through new programs aimed at stopping an onslaught of deadly killer mosquitos.

To avoid deadly killer mosquitos it’s best to stay indoors. But some people just can’t stay way from deadly killer mosquito breeding grounds:

Angler Rick Austin accepts that mosquito bites go hand in hand with a trip to the fishing hole. But yesterday, while preparing to lower his 14-foot motorboat into the Cooper River in Collingswood, he grimaced when told that a skeeter onslaught was looming. ¶ “Oh, no, don’t say that,” said Austin, 36, a general contractor from Sicklerville. “They’re already starting to get bad. I guess I’ll be doing more scratching, because nothing can keep me from fishing.”

No wonder why fishing is so popular!

Tiny bugs pack a big bite [Inquirer]