3rd Of July Link Dump: This May Be All You Get

• Late last week, Brian Tierney took questions online from readers. Aside from the usual stupidity — someone asking if Michael Smerconish could edit the Inquirer, a person wanting a gift shop/waiting room at 400 N. Broad that people could read the paper in, etc. — Tierney provides this comment in response to someone who reads Metro instead of the Daily News: I’ve always thought Metro was a little overpriced ;)” OMG LOL! [Philly.com]

• Despite an absolutely atrocious team, the Phillies have three All-Stars: Chase Utley, Ryan Howard and Tom Gordon. And at the halfway point, the Phillies have a 37-44 record, their worst first half since 2002. It’s okay, though, the Phillies are set for the second half after trading for 5-foot-7, 175-pound F. Castro! Okay, it’s Fabio Castro, which is almost as funny as if the Phillies signed Fidel. [Inquirer, Phillies.com]

• Philadelphia loses its biggest celebrity: Lil’ Kim was released from prison this morning. Throngs of fans — and, assumedly, Dan Gross — greeted her today. Huzzah! [AP/Philly.com]

• Faye Flam’s Carnal Knowledge column celebrates its first year today with a quiz about sex. And the first question? “1. What does a male honeybee do after he finishes having sex with the queen?” I think I’ll stick to worrying about human sex, thanks. [Inquirer]

• A group of people ordered cheesesteaks at Geno’s the other day in Spanish, which means we’ve hit a tipping point: The (hardcore) protesters of Geno’s have finally gotten more annoying than Joe Vento himself. (Eh, maybe. Definitely not as annoying as Vento’s more vociferous supporters, though.) But, eh, we’re sure the big guy will find a way to tip that scale back to his side any day now. [Inquirer]

• A meeting of the minds! The Bucks County Courier Times‘ J.D. Mullane and Lyndon Larouche! [Bucks County Courier Times]

• And, really, what would a day be without Irresistible Ella? She’s somehow reporting in front of a static fireworks display. [NBC 10]

Leftovers: The Wonderful Mr. Barbaro

• The horse speaks! Well, through his publicist. [The Morning News]

• Hey, guess what? In the case of a disaster, we’re not so screwed after all. Well, if you believe a website on the Internet. [KYW 1060]

• Philebrity hacked by Spy Kids! Soon, the villains from another Robert Rodriguez movie (From Dusk TIll Dawn) will be attacking the sire, just watch. [Philebrity]

• Fumo aides in email: “He REALLY wants that mail gone.” Bum bum bum! [Inky]

• A List of Things Thrown Five Minutes Ago has continued to chronicle the spelling bee. Fantastic. [Throwing Things]

Quickies: Vito The Line And Rizzo The Rat

• A man named Vito the Line and Rizzo’s son-in-law was charged with running a gambling ring yesterday in Montgomery County. Just set up an Internet gambling business offshore. It’s much, much easier. Come on. Frank would have thought of that. [Inquirer]

• Democratic State Rep. Mike McGeehan had a polie report filed against him for cursing at a man who McGeehan said called the office and had previously used profanity. Ahh, Northeast Philly. [Daily News]

• Photoblogger Brad Maule takes a look at The Avenue — Passyunk, not Frankford — and finds that there’s, uh, not much parking. [phillyskyline]

• O-U-T! (Yeah, yeah.) An Upper Moreland girl is out of the National Spelling Bee after missing on gueridon, a French word meaning a small, round table. French word? Boy, whoever made up that word list must hate America. [Doylestown Intelligencer]

Quickies: Fat Camp Instead Of Summer School?

• City Councilman Michael Nutter knows how to run for mayor: He says he’s going to get our kids to stop being fat! This may work with parents, but crotchety old people could be all “How about you show them some manners first!” [KYW 1060]

• Your Anthony DiMeo update, courtesy of Metro DiMeo beat reporter Josh Cornfield: “He said in previously filed court documents that the comments made about him on Max’s site caused him to live ‘in constant fear for his safety and the safety of his loved ones.’ DiMeo said in the documents that he was forced to seek out psychological counseling, that he suffered a loss of privacy and his business was affected.”

• Hey, when he’s not bashing those free AOL CDs about five years after people forgot what AOL is, and when he’s not playing with his doggy, we can always count on John Grogan for some good old fashioned Philadelphia optimism. Wait. Philadelphia optimism? [Inky]

• We Americans say goodbye to Katie Couric. Only, uh, she’s just going to be doing the news on a different station. Is she really leaving? [Gawker]

Quickies: Lose Weight Now, Ask Me How

• Shawn Andrews wants to lose some weight, being that he weighs approximately 750 pounds. That’s all well and good, but what if he loses weight, improves his life expectancy but becomes a less effective offensive lineman in the process? Come on, you were thinking it, too. [Daily News]

• Former Eagles coach Jim Trimble died today at the age of 87. He coached in the 50s — when the team was at one point quarterbacked by Philly the Heroic War Dog — and actually compiled a winning record, so he must’ve been doing something right. [AP/ESPN.com]

• There was a fire at West Philadelphia High this morning, which forced classes to be moved to another building. It didn’t affect things much, since seniors had an off-school grounds event, juniors were just picking up tickets for the prom and nobody goes to school anymore in this city anyway. [Inquirer]

• For now, double entendre headlines like these aren’t going to get old. We’ll check back in a few months. [NBC 10]

Quickies: You’re Welcome

• Hey, the old Visitors’ Center has reopened…. as the Welcome Center! How this is a big change mystifies me, but KYW 1060 has the scoop, of course. [KYW 1060]

• Speaking of our favorite radio station, Phil Neuman has left the station after 21 years, saying that management had its head up its as. As management tends to do. [Inky]

• The question that needs to be asked: What if the Inquirer’s new owners — i.e. not Brian Tierney, but the Royal Bank of Scotland — decide they’re not making enough money? [American Debate]

• Did you get to work on a train this morning? Liar. [Philly.com]

Quickies: The Write-In Stuff

• Hey, the write-in candidate supported by the city’s Democratic machine might’ve lost, as Tony Payton edged ahead of Emilio Vazquez by 18 votes, with 11 write-in votes still to be counted. And now, for the exciting sequel to the election: The Court Challenge To The Election Results! [Daily News]

• The lawyer for the widow of William Berkeyheiser said he wants to keep the wrongful death suit against the private investigation firm who helped Berkeyheiser’s killer find him in Bucks County. He cited the “power of the press.” Also, he really wants to know who won those Legion games over the summer, and if the trial’s not in Bucks County, how will he be able to find out? [Bucks County Courier Times]

• GM is capping gas prices! Whoo! Er, wait, but you have to buy a new car from GM. And only in Florida and California. And you have to sign up for OnStar. I retract my whoo. [AP/Yahoo!]

• The Trenton mayoral race is over, but the bitching between everyone involved continues. [Trentonian]

Quickies: Kid Gloves

• The Philadelphia School District has banned workers from listening to music on their computers, since the students can’t play music in school. This is lame; the best part about being an adult (I’m told) is that you get to do things that kids can’t? Why ruin everyone’s fun, School District? [Daily News]

• An anti-gay marriage letter to the U.S. Senate had Cardinal Justin Rigali’s name on it. This should surprise anyone who’s never heard of any religion, let alone Catholicism. [Philadelphia Gay News]

• Barbaro is doing much better, thank you very much. Hooray! Money quote: “My hope for him is that he lives a painless life. Whether that means he’ll be a stallion with little Barbaros, that would be the extreme hope for him.” Would that painless life involve being forced to run around a track while being whipped? [AP/Metro]

• Apparently, one Camden school collected money for field trips when — whoops! — the school district pays for the trips. We can do that? say Philadelphia schools? Now we can get textbooks that go past Chester A. Arthur! [Inky]

Quickies: Tag, You’re It

• Teens and council members in Hellertown, Pennsylvania, have struck a deal to “Let them play! Let them play!” in a game of outdoor Laser Tag at dusk. Both teens are excited about their upcoming battle. [AP/6 ABC]

• A poll of local Philadelphians showed that we care most about the environment when choosing a mayor. Wait, really? Are you sure? I care most about getting out of the voting booth so I don’t have to go back for another year, and I feel most of my friends are like that, too. In response to this poll, though, Chaka Fattah has started planting flowers at Broad and Oregon, and he’s moving North until he’s cleaned up this damned city! [Inquirer]

• Four Philadelphia bars are on Beer Advocate’s list of 50 best places to have a beer in the United States, including Tria, oddly enough. Monk’s is the highest-ranked bar at number 16. (Ludwig’s Garden and Grey Lodge are also on the list.) [Beer Advocate via Blinq]

• City Hall has been named a “Civil Engineering Landmark” by the American Society of Civil Engineers. It has also, coincidentally, been named “The Best Building Ever In The History of the World” by the American Society for Refurbishing Delays. [KYW 1060]

Quickies: Media Crimes

• Veteran paramedic Dave Kearney is facing disciplinary charges after the South Philly Review did a story where he was quoted about ambulance delays. Yes, disciplining a paramedic speaking to the media is a good thing to waste time on. Why worry about important issues? [Daily News]

• Hey, after what seemed like weeks of good weather, what’s a day of disgusting rain? Wait, wait: Absolutely freakin’ horrible. [Philadelphia Weather]

• Number one reason state legislative leaders leave office: Retirement. Then death. Then resigning due to scandal. Then being defeated at the polls. [America's Hometown]

• If you work from home or have a TV, Phillies centerfielder Aaron Rowand — he of the amazing centerfield catch — is holding a press conference at noon. It’ll be on SportsNet. See if he got a nose transplant or something.