The Best Use Of $4157 In State Money Possible: ‘Don’t Hate Me ‘Cuz I’m Homies With Pennsylvania’s Gov-nuh’

Hey, so back to that groundhog thing. Yeah, Monica Yant Kinney writes today about the rapping groundhog used to promote Health Careers Week (this week!).

The gist of the video: You should get a job in the healthcare field. But instead of just saying that, the state decided the best way to do it would be to put a guy in a groundhog suit and have him rap in a hospital.

Although you wouldn’t know it by the production values, the state produced all this by itself. I must admit, the PA keystone pendant is a nice touch.

Related: Don’t Copy That Floppy!

A Warning To Upcoming Fringe Festival Performers

The Fringe Festival — officially the “Live Arts Festival & Philly Fringe,” but I’ll call it whatever the hell I want it to — starts the last day of August, and I figured I’d pass on a little tidbit of advice beforehand to all the performers.

Don’t have your act go like this:

EDINBURGH (AFP) - A dwarf performer at the Edinburgh fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or “Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf”, was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances. The main part of his act saw him appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member through a special attachment.

The attachment broke before the performance and Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required. He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and … hospitalisation.

Okay. Keep the vacuum cleaners off your penises — or your breasts and vagina, I’d assume — and use them to keep the venues clean instead. Or, you know, let the glue dry first. Just a little word of advice.

British dwarf’s penis gets stuck to hoover [AFP/Yahoo!]

PSA: Suck It Up And Wear A Condom

If virginity pledges did more than just make you more likely to have anal sex, the City of Philadelphia would probably want to make some people sign them.

Why, you ask? Well, it’s just that our city has super mutant drug-resistant gonorrhea. Yes, one out of every four heterosexual men in Philadelphia who have the disease have a super mutant form that doesn’t respond to common antibiotics. Aiiiiiiieeeee!

The CDC released an advisory yesterday to stop treating gonorrhea with Cipro — the usual, quick and easy cure — and use a shot known as ceftriaxone instead. The president of the Infectious Disease Society of America told us the good news about the clap:

“Gonorrhea has now joined the list of other superbugs for which treatment options have become dangerously few,” said Dr. Henry Masur, president of the Infectious Disease Society of America. “To make a bad problem even worse, we’re also seeing a decline in the development of new antibiotics to treat these infections.”

In 26 cities the CDC studied, the rate of drug-resistant gonorrhea rose from 0.6 percent in 2001 to 7 percent last year. In Philadelphia, the rate rose from 1.2 in 2004 to 27 percent now.

Twenty-seven percent! Jesus Christ, I’m never having sex again. Hey, wait! (Rimshot.)

CDC says gonorrhea is drug-resistant [AP/Yahoo!]

Some Unsexy Sex At Cheyney

Last week, police picked up a woman for prostitution at Cheyney University. The 36-year-old then told the police she was HIV-positive. Oh, and had sex with 10 students, sometimes unprotected.

So now there’s an HIV scare at Cheyney University, and some people probably don’t want to get tested, and some people have probably had sex with other students after having sex with the hooker, etc., etc. “It was a popular group who she slept with, and the popular group is the same group that the females sleep with. I think if she did have AIDS, it’s going to spread very fast if they don’t get tested,” said a student.

One random voice on this Fox report says the local news media is trying to disgrace black people, even, by reporting about… AIDS… or something. (Cheyney’s an HBC.)

Consider this a public service message, then, from your old pal Daniel McQuade: If you have sex with a partner you aren’t in a monogamous relationship with, use a condom. And, every couple of months, get tested for AIDS and other STDs. It’s free, people.

Cheyney Officials to Update HIV Scare [6 ABC]
HIV Campus Scare has Students Taking Action [MyFox Philly]

PSA: It’s Beautiful Outside.

As part of my secret double life as an actual journalist who reports and confirms things — a pity, I know — I just headed over to the library from the PW offices. Here’s some actual, factual reporting: It’s gorgeous outside.

Okay, you probably didn’t need me to tell you that. (Trust me, the things I write in the paper are usually a little more notable.) And, sure, the idea of reading on a website that it’s nice out is fairly pathetic.

But everybody I passed on the way to the big building on Vine Street seemed happy. Strangers said “Hello” to me and I reciprocated. And they had Philly accents, so they weren’t out-of-towners who don’t know the usual custom. Even the guy writing parking tickets seemed to have a skip in his step. (Or perhaps he enjoys making people pay for an expired meter. I didn’t talk to him.)

Sometime today, get out! Go. Don’t read this blog to waste time at work (but, uh, refresh a bunch of times later). Just put on your iPod and walk around the block. Go for a run, play basketball, walk your dog later tonight. Sit in the park and people-watch. Head down to the Phillies and watch ‘em lose another one.

It’s 68, sunny and absolutely beautiful. There’s no excuse to be inside. You can be miserable this weekend, when it’ll be raining.

Just, uh, somebody rescue me from the library before 8 or so, okay?

15 Day Forecast [AccuWeather]