The Great Chick-O-Stick Prison Scandal

Two inmates in Bucks County prison have filed a grievance against high snack prices in the commissary. The Intelligencer explains their complaint:

Ryan Barrie and Ryan Kerwin have each filed a grievance citing a “price fixing/monopoly scandal” against the correctional facility and the Keefe Commissary Network, which supplies snack food for inmates. [...] The main beef, according to their complaint, which they mailed to the newspaper, is the cost of an Atkinson’s Chick-O-Stick, an orange-colored, crunchy peanut butter and toasted coconut candy. It previously sold for 40 cents but the price was raised to “an unbelievable $0.90 overnight,” the complaint says.

The other item specified in their complaint is the three-ounce package of Maruchan Ramen noodle soup. It sells for 18 cents in state prisons but is 95 cents in Bucks County jail, the inmates wrote. “Why and how is Keefe allowed to offer the same product, in the same region, with such a great price differential?” the complaint asks.

A 50-cent price raise on Chick-O-Stick?! Simply unconscionable. Forget about prison overcrowding in Philadelphia, where are the lawyers fighting for the inmate rights to cheaper Chick-O-Stick and ramen noodles?

Prison inmates complain of snack ’scandal’ [The Intelligencer]

Bad Timing: Prison Edition

Maybe I’m nitpicking here, but on the day when the prison system is sued yet again for overcrowding, the Philadelphia prison system should probably not send out this press release.

Like I wrote, it’s just bad timing and I don’t care what press releases they send out. I’m all for honoring prison workers. However, I think making the conditions better for the inmates, therefore decreasing violence and disease, therefore making the jobs of prison workers better, would be a much better idea.

Naw, let’s just paint a few more murals. Or, you know, both?

Obama To Speak On (Uh-Oh) Race

Today at the National Constitution Center, Barack Obama will give a speech about his race. Judging by how well Mitt Romney’s Mormon speech went over earlier in this campaign, I can only assume this will clinch the nomination for Hillary Clinton.

Obama is an excellent orator at times, even though we’re not allowed to say that because it might be racist. But can he actually speak about race in America without being called a racist? Some “professor of race and pop culture” at “the University of Southern California” told ABC News: “We’ve never really had a proper discussion about race and racism in this society so when comments come about as they have throughout this campaign we really don’t know how to act.” Ha ha, good luck, Obama!

All of this stems from the earlier race issues in the campaign, like when Bill Clinton said white people drive like this, and black people drive like that. But Obama’s pastor, Rev. Wacky, said some wacky things like we shouldn’t be throwing everybody in jail. Obama has apparently already “condemned” this quote: “The government gives them drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants to sing ‘God Bless America. No, no, no, not ‘God Bless America’ — ‘God Damn America.’” This makes sense, of course, as Barack Obama wants to keep putting black people in prison for drug crimes at a rate ridiculously higher than that of white people.

ABC News says Obama has a “postracial” appeal and his speech will be about moving past race. I fear that somehow this speech will end in only one thing: President John McCain. Ohh, WALNUTS!

Obama’s Race Speech to Stress Moving On [ABC News]

Breasts To Remain Uncovered

After a two-year legal battle, a judge in New Jersey has thrown out a lawsuit brought by a prison guard claiming she was too well-endowed to wear a protective vest.

Stacey Wilson-Smith, an employee of South Woods State Prison for 25 years, sued the state’s Department of Corrections after being repeatedly sent home and then put on unpaid medical leave for refusing to wear the state-issued and mandated protective vest. “Let’s just say she’s full-bodied,” said her lawyer, calling her fat nicely.

Wilson-Smith alleged the vest caused her pain and left her vulnerable to a shiv attack from an inmate. She wasn’t allowed to purchase her own vest.

“If she had big feet, would they force her to wear boots that are too small?” her lawyer asked the Courier-Post. You can search online, but somehow I don’t think this is her.

Judge: Vest doesn’t make for suit [Camden Courier-Post]

Rick Mariano Finds Prison System Lacking

We’ve all sort of forgotten about Rick Mariano, since the former City Councilman is still in prison for a few more years. But the Daily News‘ Gar Joseph found his Myspace page — which the Daily News says is some 23-year-old’s page — that a friend updates for him.

And, apparently, if you go to prison, you realize that prisons in America are horribly run and nobody really cares.

The latest, dated Nov. 23, reads, “It still amazes me that in the greatest country in the world we have such backwards penal practices. People who are no threat to society in any way are wasting time, energy and potential in stagnant confinement, denied any opportunity to make some form of restitution for our mistakes.

“We all suffer, family suffers most. The public pays and nobody benefits.

“Bassackwards.”

Yes, Rick Mariano is also talking about himself here, but let’s not be so cynical. He gets it!

Free Rick Mariano [Myspace]

75-Year-Old To Finally Be Thrown Back In Jail

Hey, so today authorities got an extremely dangerous criminal off the streets! Was it a murderer? Nah. Was it a rapist? Duh, of course not. It was a 75-year-old man who escaped from prison 28 years ago!

He served about four months of a 4- to 10-year prison sentence on a drug charge. He’s being held in Philadelphia before being extradited to Jersey, where he escaped from the since-closed Camp Marlboro in 1979. (I assume it was constructed out of cigarettes, making it rather easy to escape.)

And, look who hung around with the authorities who were capturing this dangerous crook!

Journalists from The Associated Press rode along with authorities when they arrested Jurado on Wednesday. He said that he managed to avoid being caught for all these years because he avoided breaking the law while, and moved around frequently.

Woo-hoo! Way to do, everybody involved. Clearly, we are all safer today with this law-breaking citizen off our streets.

Also, his name is Maximo Jurado. Awesome. Maximo Jurado! It sounds like a brand of tequila.

Fugitive caught after 28 years [AP/Daily Record]

Knox: All Who Oppose Me Shall Be Crushed

Over the weekend, a few anti-Tom Knox ads began airing on local television. One was from candidate Bob Brady and used the word “fake” to describe Tom Knox. Another was from a group called Working People for Truth, which concluded its ad with “Tom Knox - fake, fake, fake.”

Clearly, the use of the word “fake” in both ads is concrete evidence the two groups are most certainly colluding to attempt to stop Tom Knox and help Bob Brady get elected. Or something. The city’s Board of Ethics — remember them? — will issue subpoenas to figure out if groups are breaking the city’s campaign finance laws.

Meanwhile, Tom Knox’s camp is considering a lawsuit against Working People for Truth — Not all 527s need to have “for Truth” at the end of their names, people! You know the Swift Boat people lied, right? — as well as hoping to send people to prison.

“This is illegal, illegal, illegal,” [Knox campaign manager Josh] Morrow said. “If the federal law was broken, someone should go to jail for this.”

Yes, that’s it. Someone should go to jail. Hey, it’s not like our prisons aren’t overcrowded or anything!

Campaign ad inquiry plans to subpoena [Inquirer]

Justice For Two Days Or So

Has it felt weird this month? Have you felt that Philadelphia’s prisoners were doing maybe just a little better? Well, apparently, it’s Justice Month!

Indeedy, and just in time for the end of Justice Month, we’re having a kick-off party! Or at least the founders of Justice Month are finally getting a proclamation for their service. From the A-Space newsletter:

An exciting weekend is in store for the Philadelphia region and the Justice Community.

On Thursday, the 29th, Philadelphia City Council will present Larry Robin and Judith Trustone, co-founders of Justice Month, with a copy of Resolution No. 060651 declaring March as “Justice Month.” Room 400, City Hall, 10:00-12:00.

Then we can actually worry about prisoners… until April 1, where America’s citizens will return to their normal stance of “as long as it’s not me being fucked in the ass, I don’t care”/”they deserve to be tortured.” Sigh.

The full newsletter is after the jump.

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Prison To Close; Worse People To Move In?

See the people in the photo at right? That is the America’s new enemy. (Not specifically them, but I was searching for “white affluent-looking couple with no taste” and I think this stock photo fits it perfectly.)

But, anyway, the white suburban family with at least one kid is America’s new enemy not so much for what it it — though its members are usually annoying, natch — but for what it brings: Traffic. And on suburban Philadelphia roads originally designed for plows and the Amish and the one motor coach owned by the Pitcairn family (or whatever), traffic is a major problem with new developments sprout up and suddenly you’re sitting in traffic on Old Goat Road, one lane each way, and it takes you 45 minutes to get to the ACME down the street.

In fact, traffic is such a problem that Skippack residents are ready to rally to keep a jail in their community. The state is contemplating moving decades-old Graterford Prison, and Skippack Township residents are worried about new condos and other houses, and worried about the extra traffic it would bring.

The site is currently only zoned for a prison, farming or open space, but if the state can make a killing off of a nice-sized plot of land if Graterford were to be closed… well… let’s just say if you live in the ‘burbs, you’re going to be stuck in traffic for the remainder of your natural life. Maybe longer.

Worse than jail? Sprawl [Inquirer]

Imagine How Cheap Condoms Are For NYC

Last night, thanks to the hard work of NBC 10, we learned that the prison system gives out free condoms to inmates in order to prevent HIV.

NBC 10 presented this as a mini-scandal, as, y’know, we wasted a lot of money on the condoms and prisoners aren’t supposed to be having sex. Erhm.

The city also didn’t waste that much money for condoms. According to the health department, the 8,000 condoms cost the city $360. Which means… hold on, it’s time for some third-grade math!

Damn. Only 22.2222222… cents a condom! That’s, honestly, quite a deal. Good use of bargaining power, City of Philadelphia. I wonder if it’s cheaper than caring for an inmate who has HIV?

City Giving Free Condoms To Male Prisoners [NBC 10]
Earlier Today: Thousands Of People Who We Didn’t Have Time To Interview Are Strongly Against This!