Even Fatter Cat Adds To NJ Feline Drama

Oh, man, there is so much drama regarding abnormally large felines that it’s hard to keep it all straight. As you may have heard last week, it turns out Prince (neé Princess) Chunk is not really a 44-pound cat after all! He’s actually only 22 pounds, which kind of explains why he’s still a pretty cute kitty despite being overweight.

But there is more. I got a text while on vacation from my buddy Joe apologizing for interrupting my time down the shore but telling me there was super, incredible, amazing breaking news: An even larger cat had been dropped off at the same New Jersey animal shelter. Of course, one can only trust that shelter’s scale so much, so who knows if this cat (dubbed Shamu) is actually 35 pounds or just another Garfield impersonator.

The New York Daily News even covered the story:

Shelter officials are hoping Shamu is the last fat cat they see for a while. “I just hope it’s not a trend that’s starting because we don’t have cages big enough to accommodate these fat cats,” Harr said.

So this shelter only wants to take rail-thin cats, like the kind on the catwalks (sorry) and magazine covers? How lame. I see that the media’s affect on our view of the proper body size transcends species.

Porky pussycat may have to give up crown [Inquirer]
Weight is on! ‘Shamu’ gives ‘Prince Chunk’ a run for his money [NY Daily News]
[Thumbnail via New York Daily News (and ex-PW photog Jeff Fusco?)]
Aug. 29: Prince Chunk is Prince of Lies

Prince Chunk is Prince of Lies

Shocker in the news today, folks: Everyone’s favorite fat cat may not be as fat as advertised! Apparently the family that adopted Prince Chunk–who purportedly weighed in at 44 lbs–got the cat home and weighed him themselves, clocking in at just 22 lbs. Of course, the family isn’t relieved that their new pet is healthier than expected. No, they’re pissed at the shelter for exploiting Prince Chunk for, uh, some kind of gain, I’m sure. From today’s Gloucester County Times:

“We have a 70 pound dog and he didn’t look like more than half of him, so we did have some suspicions,” said Vince Damiani, 17, a member of Chunk’s foster family. “We took him to the vet this Friday and he was 22.8 pounds.”

…

“We could have kept the cat here and profited from all those endeavors,” [Executive Director of Chunk's shelter Jennifer Andersch] said. “Instead, part of this contract was to ask if some of those contracts came along, that we would get a small percentage to go toward the animals.”

All of those “endeavors” include going on talk shows and making personal appearances, and surely those offers would have been coming in forever and ever. But isn’t that life, folks? You think you’re getting a 44 lb celebrity cat that has met Regis, and it all turns out to be a 22.8 lb cat in sheep’s clothing.

It’s a metaphor. Think about it.

Legal battle surrounds adoption of ‘fat cat’ [Gloucester Counter Times]

Breaking: Prince Chunk Has Beautiful Teeth

Well, after reading this article about the Greatest Cat Ever™, I have learned a few things:

1. This ten-year-old cat has the teeth of a seven-year-old.

2. Seriously, it has beautiful teeth. They mentioned it like four times.

3. Human beings are assholes: 500 people applied to adopt Prince Chunk, but when they were told other animals needed homes too, most just said, “Fuck you, I want Chunk!”

4. Prince Chunk hates Mondays, but loves lasagna.

5. The national standard for celebrity status has been seriously lowered over the past few years.

Super Chunk! Pretty kitty nearly purr-fect [Inquirer]

Philly.com, The Annotated Front Page

For your perusing pleasure, I’ve gone through an annotated a few things on a recent front page of Philly.com.

If you’ll excuse me, I have to go calm down; I am so psyched about Prince Chunk being back on the front page I need to go find a Xanax or something.