Fax Of The Day

Hey, kids, did you know fax machines still exist? Apparently, they do, and PW and the rest of this city’s newspapers destroy an entire forest a day by printing out received faxes. Here’s one that was on the top of the pile when I walked by a few minutes ago:

Hmm. Three stars and a 48-pt. font for a grocery store re-opening. (What I’m trying to say here is more font, bigger stars!) Unfortunately, this was at 10 a.m. this morning. We all missed it. Damn.

Sigh.

From an Eagles press release about some stupid “teaching women football” course.

The Eagles Academy workshops will run from 10:00 a.m. to 2:45 p.m. on Saturday, June 21st and Sunday, June 22nd. Approximately 200 women per day will have the opportunity to learn everything from football basics to a breakdown of the game’s different fazes such as offense, defense, special teams and equipment.

I must say, this phases me a bit.

Hillary: Penn Kids Like Me!

Hillary Clinton’s campaign actually sent out this press release about an hour ago trumpeting the Daily Pennsylvanian’s endorsement of Hillary Clinton in today’s paper.

Oddly enough, the paper also endorsed John McCain for some reason.

Hillary Responds To Oilmonger Barack

A press release from Hillary’s camp:

But, wait, there’s more:

Ahh, yes, those Pittsburgh politicians will have Hillary in the White House in a week or so.

MC Hammer To Fight For Ex-Cons

The following press release was just sent to Philadelphia Will Do via a Yahoo! account.

I have no doubt that MC Hammer will take on discriminatory mandatory minimum sentences and three strikes laws. Please, Hammer, don’t hurt ‘em!

This Is Even Bigger Than Thermometers

Note: I have no idea how this will work, but I assume it involves people in giant chipmunk mascot suits.

The Biggest Story Of Your Day

As you might have guessed, it does include “an earring thermometer, rescued from a 1650 whaling ship.” Duh. A collection would be simply incomplete without it.

AccuWeather.com Founder Joel N. Myers Acquires World’s Largest Collection of Thermometers [AccuWeather]

Councilman Has President Do His Bidding

Tuesday, the White House announced some sort of plan to help people from losing their houses. Fair enough. But City Councilman Curtis Jones saw the news and sent out a release to let everyone know he cared about the mortgage crisis when it was underground. Nay, he wasn’t just in on this on the ground floor, he was the catalyst for President Bush’s idea!

Addressing a problem identified by Councilman Curtis Jones Jr. in a January 31st resolution, President Bush on Tuesday announced a program entitled “Project Lifeline” an opportunity for those who are 90 days behind in their mortgage payments and face imminent loss of their homes. [...]

“While I am glad the President and the Democratic presidential candidates are finally realizing this is an issue affecting millions of everyday Americans, I have been concerned about this issue for many years, I look forward to examining the subject in depth during the hearing next week. President Bush and Senators Clinton and Obama all agree this is a national problem not seen since the Great Depression,” said Councilman Curtis Jones.

“While I am glad the President is finally realizing this is an issue, I have been concerned about this for many years, I would like to use this to make myself look better as a politician in a run-on sentence.”

Meanwhile, other City Council members are solving the problem of house stealing (122 cases in 2006!) by forming a task force, of course. Hey, Curtis, can you maybe get the Pope to look into this?

Curtis Jones: I beat George W. to the punch [Heard in the Hall]

In Other News, I’m 12 Years Old

In even more other news, I really hope this guy’s last name is Weiner.

Press release after the jump.

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NUTTER TO STAGE PRE-INAUGURATION COUP